Discussion Do you ever plan for the future even though you're going to ctb?

[Ernest1964]

I have a new job starting in August. I'll be working on a Caribbean island. The jobs pays pretty well. The water is so blue, it is stunningly beautiful. I have a plan for the future... but I'm still not SURE that I want to actually follow through and go to the start of the job. Shouldn't I be excited? All of my friends and family were stunned at my luck to have landed this job... me? Meh. Why is Meh the response that I have to most everything in my life?

 

[WorthlessTrash]

It feels wrong to. I would feel an obligation to stick around, and I don't want to.

 

[lukas19]

no

 

[emptybox]

Not really. I keep most of my things packed and avoid buying food for more than one-two days. I can't plan the date since it depends on things that I can't control, so I'm trying to be ready any day.
If I'm actually forced to stay alive, I'll just continue being a disfunctional conscious piece of meat, wouldn't call it a plan, or a choice

 

[enough of this]

Yes, but it's just so I look "normal" to other people. I already know I'm going to CTB one of these days. This world is insane.

 

[ggetout33]

If I may be honest I don't see much of a future for myself as it is. Maybe I find a job but I imagine the future to be more-less the same as my life in the present. Just sitting behind my computer, still no job, no car, still a virgin. Still an autistic loser. Just waiting for nature to take me out like it intended to when I was born.

 

[Kikoo]

No. It scares the hell out of me.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There's nothing to plan for the future any more, only CTB and my plan and method is ready. It's just about when.

 

[Zero Two]

Absolutely. I am preparing to ctb in 2 years. I still make plans with my partner for when we move out, have a family. I tell my parents about when i graduate from college... and then I remember I will not be here long enough. I hope things get better for me and I wont have to go through with it, but if life doesnt get better, I just wanna get some rest.

 

[BlackNails]

What the title says. I find myself constantly planning my life up to a decade into the future, even though I doubt I'll survive that long. It's almost like a coping mechanism for me ngl. Anyone else do that?

Of course. I keep making plans, but its become more of lighthearted joke I play with myself. Like role playing. Thinking of all the things I still have yet to do and experience. Fully knowing the truth of what my actual intentions are

 

[ohyouknow]

Yes. I relate to those here who said it's like there are two of them. One of me plans to ctb and makes progress toward that goal. Another of me pretends that isn't true and simply follows life's rules: go to work, clean the house, do things to try to improve my situation, like work toward and look for better jobs.

At least partly, this is because I do want to pay for my kids to finish college, which I can't do dead, so I can't ctb yet, and I may as well try to make my life suck less as long as I'm here. Unfortunately, I think that no matter how much my life may improve, I'll still want to ctb. There's just something wrong with me.