Do you ever find yourself purposefully matching your style of communication to other people?

[Blurry_Buildings]

I've noticed that in real life and when texting people, I sometimes change how I say things based on how the other person is talking.

Like when texting I'll purposefully go back and delete out the periods and commas in my writing, because otherwise it would look oddly formal. When typing here sometimes I'll spend too much time editing out or changing the position of sentences to make what I write look better. When I'm talking with people in real life I sometimes will use a word that would only belong in a newspaper and it'll sound really awkward because the person who hears it probably hasn't heard that word in a few years, and it comes off like me being some kind of lexicological elitist, so I backtrack and we laugh a little at my bad/ weird choice in words (not in a bad way though).

I am constantly self conscious about the readibility of everything that I write though, in a bad way. I kind of admire the people who are able to generate huge text walls with no punctuation whatsoever knowing full well that some chosen people will understand them and their typing style exactly in the way the message was meant to be conveyed, and the rest won't, like it was meant to be that way.

I think a lot of what I write is annoyingly meandering no matter what, and I have a really atrociously bad habit of creating run-on sentences, but I've realized I legitimately get mildly paranoid sometimes trying to word things to maximize readibility and match everything to the style of the 'target audience', even when that target audience legitimately won't care if a few sentences are in a different paragraph or if I typed everything in bold caps lock with no commas, periods, and paragraphs. Maybe because in real life it can be awkward for the other person if you know how to communicate effectively in a style similar to them but don't?

Do you ever experience this?

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Yeah, I do. It's odd, I don't want to come off as an elitist or a show-off, but I want people to acknowledge my education at the same time: I just want a middle ground that lets others know I'm not an idiot without trying to say I'm better. Somehow I never end up fitting anyway: I'm too coarse and simple for academic circles, too hung up on meaning and clarity for more casual contexts. It also shows up in texting: in Spanish we use exclamation/interrogation marks to both close AND open an exclamation/question (¡! and ¿?) but most people don't use them nowadays so I don't use them most of the time, buuuuuuuut when I'm chatting with certain people I work with (I work in translation/editing) I used them and I'm extra careful with my grammar.

I don't know, maybe it's just a desire to communicate clearly born out of fear of being misunderstood during most of my early life...

 

[deus_ex_machina]

i have trouble writing long unless i put careful thought into it. i just spew out bullshit and edit it to make it sound better. but yes, i tend to copy the slang/writing styles of people im talking too. but i also have a fear of sounding like a "child" in text, using lots of slang/"brainrot" and whatnot.

 

[Forveleth]

I do not do this with texting, but I will definitely do this with thinking or speaking. For instance, if I watch a lot of French films, I will start thinking with a French accent, or I hung out with some British friends for a while and I started picking up British slang. It is not a conscious choice either, it just happens. Apparently I am very impressionable when it comes to speech patterns.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, that's completely normal. Most people change how they speak depending on who they are communicating with and the context under which said interaction is taking place. Adjusting different aspects of your behaviour around others, such as how you speak, is a good thing. For example, swearing and telling sex jokes is probably pretty funny when you are with your friends but you probably would not want to be doing that kind of shit in front of your grandmother. We adjust how we present ourselves to others because it plays an important role in our everyday social interactions. Certain social behaviours tend to be either reinforced or discouraged depending on where you are and who you are engaging with.

I mean, do you think that I spend my time saying "bitch" and "fuck off" every two seconds irl? No. How about when texting with my brother or my bf? Fuck no! I'm going to adjust my communication style depending on who I am interacting with and what circumstances we are in. This kind of reminds me of that other user who thought that there was something wrong with them because they showed different sides of themselves under different social contexts. All of this is normal and nothing to worry about.

 

[SVEN]

I'm so one dimensional I pretty much express myself the same way verbally, texting or Emailing. If I ever become successfull in my attempt to become a Jester maybe I'll be more multi faceted and twinkle merrily as I weave and dance my exotic way through my limited communications with the outside world.
Please feel free to advise me if you detect any signs of incipient Jesterlike traits emerging.

 

[Subhumano]

I dont interact with people

 

[Apathy79]

Yeah it's normal. Also a tonne of things go into it. What context do these people know me in? What stories do they know? What in jokes can I use? How does my knowledge of their experience relate to what I'm saying? I find it easy enough to manage in writing but in person I'm still bad at it because I've talked to people so little for so long.

 

[waitin2go]

Yep, I definitely chameleon myself depending on who I hang out with, right down to accents and mannerisms (i'm in a multilingual country though, so I think it's common where I'm from)

Also very different person with fam compared to friends; both authentic but wildly different (and I also had to mask with both fam and friends too)

Some call it masking (especially if you're/suspect you're neurodivergent, you tend to do things to belong to the community though it doesn't feel authentic; sometimes you've been doing it all your life so you can't even tell if that's who you are authentically or you've just lived in your masks for too long that you've lost touch with your authentic self a long time ago and continue to just put on your different personalities as needed coz you're in too deep)

Some call it code-switch (usually code-switch is more to avoid racial profiling and stereotyping)...

Edit: also yep, I used to also obsessively edit texts whether formal or informal settings, but I've relaxed a little after 36 years in this rotating ball (and also because of onederful new tech called "edit button" one of the (very few) things to marvel at in life (not enough to convince me to continue living though

 

[Pale_Rider]

That's one thing I have noticed is psychs can't explain mimicry. I notice that is people who had traumatic childhoods. I know cause I did, and do. We have worked on that. Just as some of our parts were more obvious at one time , and needed to be modified for security. Security is the name of the game after all. This was all before we even knew we had DID of course. Once you become aware things more me changed a bit. We kinda lost some of the intimacy we had in these internal actions. Indeed our internal world where we had lived for so long. Idk. Just typing.