Do you ever feel satisfaction in knowing some people will be hurt if you CTB?

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

When I think about CTB, I sometimes imagine my ex finding out, I like to imagine it'll be a while from now (given she doesn't talk to me anymore), and maybe when she and her new gf have decided that maybe they do want to check in and maybe see how I'm doing, and then finding out I've been gone for years. And that makes me feel really good. Does anyone else ever feel this?

 

[brownbear]

Yes, i even partially plan to ctb as revenge. The thought to ctb to hurt the people who hurt me is relieving. I often fantasize how various other people would react when they found out and somehow i feel satisfied.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

Yes, i even partially plan to ctb as revenge. The thought to ctb to hurt the people who hurt me is relieving. I often fantasize how various other people would react when they found out and somehow i feel satisfied.

I honestly do feel bad because I'd be leaving behind my boyfriend and mom, and I don't want them to have to deal with the trauma, but I'd love for my ex to have that. It's only fair, she should have to live with the burden, not me

 

[The Burning Fool]

I genuinely don't want anyone to experience any suffering or pain, but I'm not judging you at all for feeling that way sometimes. I'm sure you have your reasons. Sometimes I'm in so much pain that I forget compassion, and at those times I feel like people deserve all that's coming their way and more. My resentment can take extremely ugly forms. That's how I experience it, but we are all different of course.

 

[whywere]

For me if down the road if I would CTB because of chronic pain, it will be by the VAD method in Europe, I live in the U.S., I would laugh my butt off. I have not heard from any of my side, and in fact they want ZERO to do with me at all, BUT I know in my heart just how greedy they are and when they find out that anything leftover when I am worm food will be in a college scholarship for folks who want to go to college and they will get ZERO, so damn funny is all I can say.

Walter

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

I genuinely don't want anyone to experience any suffering or pain, but I'm not judging you at all for feeling that way sometimes. I'm sure you have your reasons. Sometimes I'm in so much pain that I forget compassion, and at those times I feel like people deserve all that's coming their way and more. My resentment can take extremely ugly forms. That's how I experience it, but we are all different of course.

I mean at the end of the day, she made the right choice, I was clearly the bad option. I hope she has a good life, hope she gets what she wants, hope she's happy. But I want her to feel the regret and pain I feel, and she never will because I am the bad person

 

[The Burning Fool]

I mean at the end of the day, she made the right choice, I was clearly the bad option. I hope she has a good life, hope she gets what she wants, hope she's happy. But I want her to feel the regret and pain I feel, and she never will because I am the bad person

It's also true in a sense that everyone is bad. Just a liberating thought, if you needed one.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

It's also true in a sense that everyone is bad. Just a liberating thought, if you needed one.

I appreciate you sharing. It doesn't personally liberate me, I find it really hard to imagine other people or their emotions or how they think or whatever. All I know is myself and my choices and my thoughts.

 

[Ligand]

I feel zero satisfaction thinking I could hurt people by dying. There are a lot of people I care about that will probably be hurt when I eventually die, and I don't really enjoy the idea of them suffering because of me.

 

[strawb12]

Yes occasionally. But for most people I don't really care whether they're hurt or not, I know its selfish but once I'm gone I won't have to deal with anything anymore. People getting hurt with my death won't be my problem so I can't get myself to care about it. It's pretty self centered but I'm not going to pretend I care about what happens to anyone after I die.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah, sometimes I hope that people will find out I ctb'ed and regret the way they treated me and regret how they were mean to me

 

[Raskolnikov's Axe]

I will make a lot of people sad. For a few of those I am glad that they will feel that way.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

Yes occasionally. But for most people I don't really care whether they're hurt or not, I know its selfish but once I'm gone I won't have to deal with anything anymore. People getting hurt with my death won't be my problem so I can't get myself to care about it. It's pretty self centered but I'm not going to pretend I care about what happens to anyone after I die.

I totally get that. I'm worried my mom or bf will think they could have done something to 'save me,' but that's about it.

Yeah, sometimes I hope that people will find out I ctb'ed and regret the way they treated me and regret how they were mean to me

I'm really sorry. I hope people have stopped mistreating you and you can find peace.

 

[Pyxel]

I don't feel satisfaction nor sorrow at the thought of how others will be effected from my passing. People often say to think about how your family will feel after your death as a way of talking you out of this. I never gave a shit about that, not like I'll be there to care for whatever happens.

 

[BlazingBob]

If anyone even notices. Aside from bill collectors my phone never rings

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't want to make anyone sad when I CTB but it's the only relief und solution here. It's inevitable that family will grief and be sad.

 

[morbyxz]

In the past, yes. I liked to imagine how someone would mourn for me. But now, its more complicated. When I imagine my parents finding me on the bathroom floor I get shivers. I really hate to do this to them. I just wish there could be a way to make them forget about me instead.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

In the past, yes. I liked to imagine how someone would mourn for me. But now, its more complicated. When I imagine my parents finding me on the bathroom floor I get shivers. I really hate to do this to them. I just wish there could be a way to make them forget about me instead.

That feeling of wanting people to forget about me is really strong. Like I've tried to get my bf to dump me so he can forget about me, but he won't.