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psp3000

Enlightened
May 20, 2023
1,259
it's hard

how do you deal with this ?
 
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irregularreconcile

irregularreconcile

i'm such a coward; these wretched things i do
Jun 15, 2023
63
It's funny; Sort of similar to your post, I was just thinking today about how I feel like a walking crime scene to this day- Despite having escaped the majority of my abuse 5ish years ago. It always follows.

I cope through distraction and community. I need my 2 close friends to keep recovering, even though in the coming years I am sure I will CTB.

In a weird way, I am comforted by how fucked my brain is from everything. Being a sort of ghost, I find my comfort in not total isolation, but still a decent amount from a large part of my experiences being unique. And, having survived them.

You're not alone in these experiences you are having OP, and I am so sorry you deal with them as well.
 
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Unattainable666

Unattainable666

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2023
1,346
I've been invisible my entire life.
 
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
832
yeah, i put my custom title as wandering ghost for that reason lol. its weird, i feel like a ghost but i also feel incredibly paranoid that people are staring at me. i like feeling invisible especially in public. i think i feel like a ghost because i feel like im already dead, like im disconnected from reality. but sometimes i feel way too aware of reality and overstimulated and i think thats when i feel most paranoid about people seeing me, like im a zombie instead of a ghost, everyone can see me and everyones staring bc im not human. hope that made sense.
im not sure what part of it you find hard but one thing that came to my mind was trying to make more eye contact with people and saying hi or good morning/afternoon maybe might help u feel a little more connected to reality, or maybe some kind of grounding exercise? sorry i dont have any great advice, i normally welcome feeling like a ghost bc i like being disconnected from this reality. i know it can be very lonely tho, sending hugs if you need them.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,907
Like literally- yes. Sometmes those automatic doors wouldn't open when I'm stood in front of them waving my arms around. I'm more or less a recluse- so I'd have to think really carefully about when the last time was I actually interacted with someone. Like- maybe I was dead already but didn't realise it...

I'm actually a shy person so I probably prefer it when people don't notice me. But yeah- it can hurt when you say something and either people don't listen/ talk over you or ignore you. I guess with some people- I just know they're not interested in me or stuff I like. When I see them glazing over- I generally just stop talking mid sentence and see if they notice!

It CAN be ok- so long as you do have some people in your life you click with I think. Not everyone is going to like us at the end of the day. To treat someone like that though and be openly bored with them is either through just tiredness and lack of concentration or they're being kind of rude really. Either way- it may be better to tell yourself you just don't gel and that's ok. Rather than always take it to heart.
 
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The anhedonic one

The anhedonic one

Dead inside
May 20, 2023
1,071
Yes, I often feel as though I am a hologram, or that other people are holograms.
I experienced this on a very intense level when I was suffering from an episode of depersonalisation and derealization.
It was like I was trapped inside a TV and reality was just a series of electronic images.
But yeah, I know what you mean about feeling insignificant. It hurts big time.
 
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FinalCountdown

FinalCountdown

Member
Jun 21, 2023
12
I read once about Cotard's Syndrome (also known as walking corpse disorder), which comprises of a having a belief you are dead. It's rare, but you may find some benefit from reading about it.
 
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RedHates

RedHates

Purple is a neut.
Jun 21, 2023
121
I find myself feeling like I'm watching a movie of my life rather than actually living it. I feel like my decisions don't change the outcome of any situation. All I ever want to do now is drift off into a dreamland and never come back.
 
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theslasher

theslasher

psychonaut
Jun 12, 2023
184
When I was a kid I wondered, what if everyone else is just a figment of my imagination? What if I'm the only real human being and this is all just an illusion?

Similar concept to The Truman Show, but more extreme. Then I came back to reality and realized that's a very self centered viewpoint and doesn't make any sense to begin with.
 
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RedHates

RedHates

Purple is a neut.
Jun 21, 2023
121
When I was a kid I wondered, what if everyone else is just a figment of my imagination? What if I'm the only real human being and this is all just an illusion?
I also used to have this mindset sometimes. Everything just felt super fake to me.
 
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loyalskateboard

loyalskateboard

Specialist
May 4, 2023
339
I feel like there is a glass box separating me from everyone else. It's not so much that I'm invisible, I'm just different. Like an introverted alien idk.
 
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
832
When I was a kid I wondered, what if everyone else is just a figment of my imagination? What if I'm the only real human being and this is all just an illusion?
kind of similarly as a kid i always believed everyone else was a robot and i was the only "human" and i had intrusive thoughts telling me the only way i would ever know is if i cut myself and someone else open to see if we had the same insides. thankfully i dont get the intrusive thoughts as much anymore, but i do still feel like everyone else is a different species to me, whether theyre robots or aliens or holograms or something else. since being diagnosed with autism ive learned that its a common thing that many autistic people experience, not saying you are also autistic but if you havent it could be worth looking into if youve ever considered it a possibility.
 
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theslasher

theslasher

psychonaut
Jun 12, 2023
184
kind of similarly as a kid i always believed everyone else was a robot and i was the only "human" and i had intrusive thoughts telling me the only way i would ever know is if i cut myself and someone else open to see if we had the same insides. thankfully i dont get the intrusive thoughts as much anymore, but i do still feel like everyone else is a different species to me, whether theyre robots or aliens or holograms or something else. since being diagnosed with autism ive learned that its a common thing that many autistic people experience, not saying you are also autistic but if you havent it could be worth looking into if youve ever considered it a possibility.
While it makes me uncomfortable to think about, it could be a real possibility that I'm on the spectrum, one of my coworkers said everyone is somewhere on the spectrum. Idk the validity of that statement, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was somehow a very high functioning autistic person who was just barely on the spectrum or something. Also fun fact, a lot of leaders in ancient times happened to be on the spectrum too. Even these days that happens to be the case as well, Elon Musk is a great example as he has Aspergers. But yeah, maybe one day I'll see if I have it too.

Anyways, I never went too far into the whole cutting thing. For a long time I never understood it until one day I found myself in my bedroom grazing a blade against the skin on my arm with some decent pressure. That was simply due to self hatred caused by my environment, but I never went as far as too actually make myself see blood from it.

Your story about the whole robot thing oddly makes a lot of sense. I've never thought of it that way before, but I can see where you're coming from. Not gonna lie that is a very creepy thought to admit you've had, but I'm also kinda jealous I didn't think of something so cool myself haha. But yeah no I can confidently say I'm not a robot due to all the pain I've been through as an athlete and overall active person.
 
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cgrtt.brns

cgrtt.brns

wandering ghost (he/him)
Apr 19, 2023
832
While it makes me uncomfortable to think about, it could be a real possibility that I'm on the spectrum, one of my coworkers said everyone is somewhere on the spectrum. Idk the validity of that statement, but I wouldn't be surprised if I was somehow a very high functioning autistic person who was just barely on the spectrum or something. Also fun fact, a lot of leaders in ancient times happened to be on the spectrum too. Even these days that happens to be the case as well, Elon Musk is a great example as he has Aspergers. But yeah, maybe one day I'll see if I have it too.

Anyways, I never went too far into the whole cutting thing. For a long time I never understood it until one day I found myself in my bedroom grazing a blade against the skin on my arm with some decent pressure. That was simply due to self hatred caused by my environment, but I never went as far as too actually make myself see blood from it.

Your story about the whole robot thing oddly makes a lot of sense. I've never thought of it that way before, but I can see where you're coming from. Not gonna lie that is a very creepy thought to admit you've had, but I'm also kinda jealous I didn't think of something so cool myself haha. But yeah no I can confidently say I'm not a robot due to all the pain I've been through as an athlete and overall active person.
ive always had a problem with the phrase "everyones a little bit autistic" bc we dont know if thats actually true, and kind of invalidates the real struggles that autistic people experience and the discrimination we face, but thats just my personal opinion. my dad always says it to me but i think he just thinks that bc hes (undiagnosed) autistic as well and just thinks everyone feels the same as him lol. i can understand why it might be uncomfortable to think about, it was just a suggestion based on one similarity, and im no where near qualified to diagnose anyone so take my comment with a huge grain of salt.
also yeah its not the most sane thought for a child to have lmao, ive never told anyone in real life other than a psychiatrist when i was being assessed for autism bc im ashamed of it, i never wouldve guessed anyone would think it was cool lol. i never actually harmed myself or others as a kid bc of the thoughts, they were more just uncomfortable things i had to deal with if that makes sense. i did develop a self harm problem as a preteen but it wasnt related to those thoughts i dont think, it was more like as you said bc of self hatred and environment. ive never physically harmed another person intentionally, or at least not bc i thought they were a robot, just a dickhead.
 
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theslasher

theslasher

psychonaut
Jun 12, 2023
184
You're right. I guess I've never thought about that, but now that you point it out I can easily see how that would invalidate the struggles that people on the spectrum go through. I should probably do more research on things like that before even suggesting such bold claims. Thanks for pointing that out, I'll try to be more sensible in the future.
 
R.E.N.

R.E.N.

Rerolling to be an Ayy
Jun 26, 2023
52
In middle school, I was part of a officer team for a club, and I remember at the end of the year we were celebrating through a joke awards event for everyone. My award was "The Ghost" award for being at meetings but not being felt like I was there. It's so surreal that this actually happened to me. So absurd I find it actually kind of funny, too fitting for a clown world.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,335
Yes, but I wish I could actually be invisible. I hate being seen or perceived by other people. I already feel invisible in my life, it's only fitting that I should actually be invisible
 

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