Do you ever feel guilty about wanting to CTB, or what pain you’ll leave behind?

[trulyfeelhopeless]

Yes I do. But at the same time, I weigh it against the pain I'm causing now and the pain I will continue to cause if I stay. I don't know which is worse, honestly.

EXACT SAME

 

[cambrai33]

There's also lots of evidence that suicides are often triggered by someone close committing suicide, that said, if you are gone then it's not really going to be of consequence.

ctb ultimately has to have a degree of selfishness otherwise nobody would do it. IMO

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't feel anything. Have not for so long. That's probably why I am here.

 

[Someoneone]

I have a loving family and friends. Everything was great up until a few months ago. I made the worst decision of my life and I'm paying with it with my own life now. I will feel extremely guilty, knowing that it will hurt them so much. I unfortunately do not have any other option at this point

I could totally relate. I made the worst decision in 2020, then things and my life has turned up-side down. It seems I don't have other options besides of ctb, but I know my family especially my parents will be devastating. They should have enjoyed their retired life, instead they need to bear the unbearable sadness and handle the issues after my death.

I feel sorry and guilty, but I don't have other way out

 

[downndone]

Yes. There are a handful of people that will hurt but that doesn't change my situation. I've written each of them trying to explain but I don't know if that will help. It's helped me though.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Myself … no.

Only person I know I'd deeply affect is my nan, who raised me.

But I've rationalised it, thus:

She'll grieve for a while, but then (hopefully) she'll be able to get on with her life and no longer have to worry about "that" knock on the door by the police, and/or ambulances again. I'd like for her to live the rest of her days in peace, as she constantly worries about me as it is.

How about you?

Yes. I feel like a letdown to my family, friends, and most of all myself by CBTing. But this chronic illness I'm afflicted with has no cure and I simply don't have the strength to live every day in misery and agony. It's a tough call and not a pleasant decision to make, but something has to be done. I've already written my CBT note for my family to read and recorded a video for them where I expressed my love and sang a fairly recent song that has given me comfort so that they can hear my voice and hear me tell them I that I love them even after my departure. I also decided to leave the remaining of my savings with them and have instructed that they may do as they please with my belongings.

 

[wCvML2]

I just feel a little bit guilty for leaving my sister behind because I don't know how she will react to it. But I think I'm causing more harm while being alive, so I think it's good for her even though she would disagree.

 

[Little T]

Myself … no.

Only person I know I'd deeply affect is my nan, who raised me.

But I've rationalised it, thus:

She'll grieve for a while, but then (hopefully) she'll be able to get on with her life and no longer have to worry about "that" knock on the door by the police, and/or ambulances again. I'd like for her to live the rest of her days in peace, as she constantly worries about me as it is.

How about you?

Try to stay for your nan. I promised my dad I would not leave before him. He was the center of my universe. He told me he would not last long without me.
It was hard but I stayed with my dad as he slowly succumbed to pneumonia; I took care of him of to his last breath - it was horribly painful but that is what I was born to do!
The only regret I have is that I did not die with him. I had the time and all the meds.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Everyday on the top the guilt and regret that causes me to want to do it, to begin with

 

[willitpass]

i feel immense guilt, mostly for my family. but over the years i have gone from using it as a reason to stay alive to an unfortunate side effect of my death. you can only stay alive for other people for so long

 

[ZRA]

I have a pretty big family, but they don't really care about me. Even if they did, this isn't something that really factors into my thinking.

 

[NoLightRemains]

i feel immense guilt, mostly for my family. but over the years i have gone from using it as a reason to stay alive to an unfortunate side effect of my death. you can only stay alive for other people for so long

Same here. Living for my friends and family was my most powerful motivator to keep going when things first got really bad, but it feels like each month that passes it's less and less of a deterrent. I still feel bad for the few people I know it will devastate, but it doesn't feel like a good reason to keep going.

 

[wastph6286]

I have a loving family and friends. Everything was great up until a few months ago. I made the worst decision of my life and I'm paying with it with my own life now. I will feel extremely guilty, knowing that it will hurt them so much. I unfortunately do not have any other option at this point

I can relate so much to everything you said. I don't know what other option there is but I feel so guilty about hurting my family/friends.

 

[Dying Failure]

I used to but anymore no I don't I know I have a few people who care for me but how much do they truly care to know I'm suffering and don't do anything to help me?

 

[heavyeyes]

Yes all the time but I realized I can't spare anyone from that pain. Although some days the guilt eats away at me more than others. Maybe I'm being selfish or maybe I'm not. In my eyes I'm sparing my loved ones from having to deal with me any longer than they have to.

I feel for my father and my 2 cats most of all.

My father will inevitably blame himself. He was in denial about my mental illness and trauma for years. Didn't believe it wasn't just something I could get over. I always said I would hold on for him but I can't do that anymore. I can't live for someone else when I don't want to live for myself. I'm a burden to him and I always will be.

My cats won't know where or why I've gone. It brings me a tiny bit of peace knowing they won't be alone and they'll be loved. I hope they know how much I love them before I go.