My mom said to me if I suicide I would destroy her life forever.
I think that is one reason that is holding me up.
My parents do really care about me. I feel sorry for them, Im such a disappointment.
What about you guys, do you care on the impact your suicide would cause to your parents?
If I offend you by this, I apologize, as I am only trying to help. A suicide would definitely have a devastating effect on a parent, but we have suicide in my family. I can't imagine my aunt ever saying such a thing to her son. I know I don't know your mom, and it's not like there's an instructional manual that indicates what to do in these situations. I don't know what has brought you to this website or what is making you suicidal. I would agree with a large # of people on the site that it should be considered a last option, and we support you in your freewill to do so. Now here's the part where I sound like a horrible person because I'm daring to attack the sacred cow of motherhood. I think it's very manipulative of her to say you would ruin her life forever. Of course she will never forgot you, what kind of a sick human being wouldn't remember the date her child died? To me her answer doesn't begin to address the problem, and I realize in some cultures disobeying your parents is one or the worst sins there is. But if that is her only response, then all she is saying is that she has no other reason to live than you. There are deeper problems that may make you want to stay alive even if it's just to get some kind of understanding of how selfish of a statement that is. I think you and I may have some cultural differences, and I don't know how old you are. But for the most part, a messed up adolescent or young adult in therapy will always involve bringing in the parents. And believe me, they try to let everyone say their piece, but they let you know they are on your side no matter what. Now of course as a professional if you say anything indicating you may try to commit suicide when you're out of their sight, then they do have to call emergency services. As annoying as it sounds, and as annoying as most mental health providers are, they do believe they can get you better. They're just stuck in a system as broken as every other system that truly wishes to help people.
I've had good therapists and bad therapists, but they all had one thing in common: they all agreed that the seeds were sown long before your young adulthood in order for you to turn out feeling like a suicidal young person. I'm not trying to disrespect your mom, and some stuff is so culturally ingrained we can't always step back and see how deeply if affects us. I know a lot of movies I could recommend, but I managed to gather that you are male, so I don't know if they will help. I don't like sharing a lot of personal stuff online, but I feel like maybe it will help you. I had a cousin who used to babysit me when I was around 6. Any time my sister & I got out of line or refused to go to bed she would tell us she knew someone with a gun who would come over and shoot us. Now, at that time, our other babysitter (who we loved) actually couldn't babysit us because she had a restraining order on her ex-husband. We watched her ex-husband beat the shit out of her in the street until the cops arrived. She had actually taken us to his house the week before when she knew he wouldn't be home to get some of her stuff. It was the first time in my life I had ever seen a gun. (Now I think, why the hell would she show us that?) There are very few times in my life I can remember being that afraid.
I know I didn't answer your questions directly, but part of it is my point. I don't know how old you are, what your situation is, hell, what even part of of the world you're from. Even that wouldn't help too much - I suck at Geography and politics. But for her to say that it would destroy her life forever is just so selfish. Has she opened a dialogue with you about why you want to kill yourself? (Well, truthfully, start small, like saying you feel depressed or something - we definitely don't want you to end up locked in a psych ward.) She doesn't sound easy to talk to - I'm not trying to be nosy, but is your dad around and is he easier to talk to? Or is part of the problem the fact that maybe he's not around? Again, I know these are really personal questions, and it's fine if you're not comfortable discussing them with a random stranger over the internet. But you're mom is basically laying a guilt trip onto someone who is obviously very susceptible to such manipulation. I could be way of the mark here. If you're not comfortable talking in an open forum, you can always PM me.
You should be one of the most important things your mother has ever done in her life. She should love you unconditionally and with her entire heart. And in her favor, if you do go on and commit suicide, it is probably the hardest thing she will ever have to get over. But to say she will never get over it is making you an emotional hostage.
"My parents do really care about me. I feel sorry for them, Im such a disappointment." This is my final concern regarding what you wrote. If your parents do really care about you, then the feeling like a disappointment probably comes more from you than it does from them. I know SS has members from all over the world, so I try to be sensitive about that. I know having a mental illness is an absolutely horrible fate in a lot of countries. I mean, it sucks in the states, but we at least try to pretend like we care with our stupid fundraising and "awareness" camapaigns.
I know this was a long post, and I hope it helped a little bit. I think I wrote earlier in the post, please PM me if you would like to talk some more.
Take care.
