Venting Do you also sometimes feel like you want to ctb to hurt your loved ones?

[Boudika]

Although I want to end my life for many other reasons, sometimes thoughts pop up in my head that I want to do it to make my family and friends suffer. That they would finally understand that I had problems too, and that they would feel remorse for not helping me. And this feeling comes despite the fact that I realize that no one will care about my death.
Do you guys feel this sometimes too? Please share your experiences because I currently feel like a terrible person

 

[kindalone]

I've had these feelings on some instances. It's at my lowest moments when everyone seems to be in their happy bubble while I struggle to live. Then all the instances of neglect pop into my mind. How I asked for help only to get at best awkward silence back. The instances when I was struggling to meet their expectations, only to be told that I'm lazy and selfish. In these moments, I just wanted them to see that everything they ever did had consequences, that I'm a product of their actions. That it's their fault. You're not a terrible person. You're on the edge, and it brings out some hateful stuff sometimes. Don't worry about it. I think we all have it to some extent.

 

[PlathWannaBe]

Yes, I often have these thoughts too, especially when my urge to CTB is quite high. I feel good sometimes thinking about how it would hurt my family to ctb, because they hurt me so much in the past. They all have each other or at least partners anyhow, and I am all alone.

I almost never feel guilt when thinking about ctb'ing, because I alone have to carry all of my problems, and no one else.

Nothing matters anyway. Your life is yours alone- you get to decide what you want to do with it.

 

[deathviahanging]

yea wanting others to feel what you are isnt abnormal in any way and you aren't a terrible person for wanting to be treated better. in a way everyone has these moments and you want them to visualize the impact they've made on you.

 

[TheSuicidalLlama]

When I do it I do hope my sister feels bad because she's been extremely cruel to me through the years.

I feel bad for how my father will feel, though. He's such an angel.

 

[mind_split]

im sorry youre going through this. actually I cant relate… Im still here because I dont wanna hurt ppl around me. so yeah i guess both ways suck.

 

[IBM0000]

I am on the opposite spectrum, I've been truly and utterly horrible to my family when they have been nothing but giving to me, and I am even embarrsed to be from the same bloodline. That's one of the reasons I resolved to ctb, and I am sure there's no one that will disagree if they knew about me.