Discussion Do we really want to die?

[Limbo]

I don't want to be alive, life is pointless and painful no matter who you are. We were born only to have kids and then die.

Delusional. Lets be honest with ourselves, life is great when all the pain is gone.

Indeed it is inherently pointless, but so is death lol. Do you go on a rollercoaster ride and say:

"omg this only last 2 minutes, how pointless"

You get my point.

 

[Anon1337]

"Do we really want to die?" I want to die. Sure, if everything was perfect I would want to live. But it isn't and it hasn't been for a long time.

 

[gingerplum]

I just want it to stop. I just need the pain to stop, by any release. I'm so fucking desperate. Please just make it stop.

 

[dysfunctional]

What I really want is to travel back in time and fix the things that sent me down a path to unraveling. That's not possible though. I used to really enjoy life.

 

[Trashcan]

Both

 

[wildcatfour]

Pain to stop but then, there is still no pill for meaninglessness of life anyway so why bother.

It might be also defense mechanism of mine, just to avoid responsibility.

 

[Bandzbandz]

I dont want to die, I just want to get out of my own head.

 

[Guess]

First of all, I'm new here. Also I think we just want the pain to stop because even tho we are scared of death, the pain of living is so much worse that it drives to that eventually.

 

[Circles]

YES. Next question.

 

[longingforrelease]

That's why I dragged my feet on having kids with my beloved. She left me for another man, even after I begged her to return and promised to help her have a kid. A month ago she had me meet her, just so she could tell me she's pregnant by the other man.

I don't know what I should have done. Had I tried for a kid when she first asked, the kid might be miserable, but I might still be happy.

What was the right path?

i don't think we can know if a past choice was the right one. But I relate to being uncertain about having children. I was ambivalent bout it for a long time before we had our daughter. At the time we were trying to get pregnant I really would have been ok either way.

 

[longingforrelease]

that's why I never have wanted kids in my life. Don't want to risk them getting hurt.

Ive never faced a bigger dilemma in my life. Things would be some much clearer were it not for my daughter

 

[Limbo]

Ive never faced a bigger dilemma in my life. Things would be some much clearer were it not for my daughter

if you chose to have a daughter you are stuck with life.

 

[bigj75]

if you chose to have a daughter you are stuck with life.

tough subject!

 

[Rocky M]

Well, I don't know about other people's situations, so I can't really speak for them and give an exact yes or no.

For me however, it's not that I want to die, but more that I'm willing to. It will make someone special in my life happy, and I want to make them smile again.

 

[hikikomori]

im not depreesed right now i really want to be it was safe but now im swimming on dry land :< ctbing for logical reasons im going to be a failure and a looser just facts prob single 4 ever 2 but yea

clickbaity tittle by the way :P i liek

 

[longingforrelease]

Oh yes. That is me.

That's a difficult question you ask. If I could stop the pain, in all its forms, and bring back the joy and energy I once had, reclaim the illusion that I'm not a worthless failure, then yes, I'd probably wave the bus past and not regret missing it. But how likely is that return to joy and energy and the illusion of value? The magic mirror that was my life has shattered into a thousand razor shards. There's no way that I can conceive of it even again being whole, or of ever finding another. So... Time to ctb.

I so relate to your perspective. Could I magically regain the life I lost and with it my sense of self worth, I wouldn't be here either. But I have very little faith in magic. Some mistakes, or in my case a whole host of mistakes, you simply can't recover from.

 

[longingforrelease]

if you chose to have a daughter you are stuck with life.

Limbo, I respect your point of view. I really do. A big part of me agrees with you. But I think if you check some of my posts you'll find I take nothing more seriously than concern for my daughter's well being. But to flatly assert that one, anyone, is stuck with life, overstates things a great deal. If I've learned anything here at this site it's that we all have some right to choose the timing and circumstances of our passing. In my case, having chosen to bring a child into this world does indeed endow me certainly responsibilities for her, including making sure my will is squared away, perhaps take great care to make it look accidental so that she doesn't have to deal with additional baggage of knowing that I intentionally abandoned her (NB: she's being raised by her mother in a very secure, affirming and loving environment in which she lacks for nothing) and writing down in a journal that could be presented to her in which I go to great lengths to know how much I loved her, how much joy she brought me, etc. So do serious responsibilities arise because of my choice to have a child? No argument? But to assert that these responsibilities deny me the right to end my increasingly unbearable suffering is, in my view, patently wrong.

 

[Limbo]

Limbo, I respect your point of view. I really do. A big part of me agrees with you. But I think if you check some of my posts you'll find I take nothing more seriously than concern for my daughter's well being. But to flatly assert that one, anyone, is stuck with life, overstates things a great deal. If I've learned anything here at this site it's that we all have some right to choose the timing and circumstances of our passing. In my case, having chosen to bring a child into this world does indeed endow me certainly responsibilities for her, including making sure my will is squared away, perhaps take great care to make it look accidental so that she doesn't have to deal with additional baggage of knowing that I intentionally abandoned her (NB: she's being raised by her mother in a very secure, affirming and loving environment in which she lacks for nothing) and writing down in a journal that could be presented to her in which I go to great lengths to know how much I loved her, how much joy she brought me, etc. So do serious responsibilities arise because of my choice to have a child? No argument? But to assert that these responsibilities deny me the right to end my increasingly unbearable suffering is, in my view, patently wrong.

The right to die is about ending your pain and everything has that right. However, you made a decision to have a child knowing that you are mentally ill (suicidal people in 99% of cases have previous mental issues), so you brought a life into this world selfishly and now you want to selfishly inflict severe pain onto a girl that never asked to exist. You can commit suicide if you want, doesnt make you any less cruel. Your reasons are meaningless to a child and by the time she gets to an age where she would understand it will be too late. She will have development issues and probably end up depressed.

You should have broke the cycle before she existed.

Thats my opinion, as harsh as it is. If you had a sudden terminal illness its different, at least she has some resolution a child can understand and you have no way out of that.

 

[longingforrelease]

The right to die is about ending your pain and everything has that right. However, you made a decision to have a child knowing that you are mentally ill (suicidal people in 99% of cases have previous mental issues), so you brought a life into this world selfishly and now you want to selfishly inflict severe pain onto a girl that never asked to exist. You can commit suicide if you want, doesnt make you any less cruel. Your reasons are meaningless to a child and by the time she gets to an age where she would understand it will be too late. She will have development issues and probably end up depressed.

You should have broke the cycle before she existed.

Thats my opinion, as harsh as it is. If you had a sudden terminal illness its different, at least she has some resolution a child can understand and you have no way out of that.

again, parts of what you say I have no argument with. I debated for years whether to have children because of the history of alcoholism in my famlly. But when we conceived I was ten years sober. I didn't know I was bipolar and didn't anticipate relapse. So you can't say I selfishly made a choice to have child knowing I was mentally ill. I wasn't diagnosed until later. And many, many recovering alcoholics successfully raise very happy, well adjusted children. And you're downplaying the relevance of making my departure look accidental. I know she will grieve for the loss of her father and for that I am responsible. But many children lose parents before their time (I did). But I won't be leaving her with the discrete trauma of her father's suicide. I think that's not irrelevant.

 

[lost illusions]

Is there options other than to die?

 

[longingforrelease]

Is there options other than to die?

none that have occurred to me yet.

 

[Limbo]

again, parts of what you say I have no argument with. I debated for years whether to have children because of the history of alcoholism in my famlly. But when we conceived I was ten years sober. I didn't know I was bipolar and didn't anticipate relapse. So you can't say I selfishly made a choice to have child knowing I was mentally ill. I wasn't diagnosed until later. And many, many recovering alcoholics successfully raise very happy, well adjusted children. And you're downplaying the relevance of making my departure look accidental. I know she will grieve for the loss of her father and for that I am responsible. But many children lose parents before their time (I did). But I won't be leaving her with the discrete trauma of her father's suicide. I think that's not irrelevant.

Hang on a second, are you telling me you had no signs of bipoler until your late twenties or something? Also I assumed you were the mother.

 

[lost illusions]

none that have occurred to me yet.

I was wondering, don't think any of us gonna make it out this bitch alive

 

[longingforrelease]

Hang on a second, are you telling me you had no signs of bipoler until your late twenties or something? Also I assumed you were the mother.

No had a few bouts of depression in my twenties but that was all probably derivative of my alcoholic drinking because it didn't repeat after I got sober. I didn't have a manic episode until I was in my late 40s when I began to take prescription amphetamines for ADD, but for which I rather quickly developed higher and higher tolerance necessitating higher and higher dosages - at the end, as I learned from my shrink, that my family doctor had been prescribing me a dosage of Ritalin almost 4 times the normal adult dosage. So my undiagnosed bipolar laid dormant until the huge amounts of ritalin I was taken sparked massive mania - extended periods with no need for sleep, hyperproductive at work (published my first book during that phase) and then, tragically - hypersexuality, which I didn't understand but now know is a very common BP sympton. I just thought I was experiencing a late sexual awakening when in fact, I was quite sick.

 

[longingforrelease]

Is there options other than to die?

none that have occurred to me yet

 

[MAIO]

Or do we just want the pain to stop?
I am so tired. I'm tired of being miserable. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of feeling useless and worthless, I'm just so damn tired...

Well essentially the rational part of your brain , which makes the descions of If you are better off etc wants to die, while an emotional instinct, survival instinct which is the strongest instinct always wants to survive no matter what. This is where's you get the whole mind at war thing, sometimes confused feeling, why bridge jumpers may regret attempting etc. If you can convince the rational part of your brain you are better off alive the desire to die will mostly go away, until judgment goes other way again. However it's nearly impossible to fool as this part of your brain is dictated by uncousiouness/sub cousiousness, very observant of The outside world feelings etc.

 

[MAIO]

I was wondering, don't think any of us gonna make it out this bitch alive

Would you want to make it out alive?

 

[lost illusions]

Would you want to make it out alive?

No, image a 100 years more of this. I don't think so

 

[TiredHorse]

if you chose to have a daughter you are stuck with life.

Boy, is that a tough one. Entirely a personal decision. For myself, personally, I would feel as Limbo does. That's part of why I dragged my feet on having a child with my beloved: I knew I'd be trapped here if I had a kid. But LongingForRelease has good points too: if his daughter is in a loving environment, with his presence in her life secondary to her day-to-day happy existence, and he can make it look like an accident, it could work.

Most important consideration for me is that Longingforrelease knows his daughter; I don't. So much depends upon personality. I can't say whether or not this will be destructive. Damaging, yes, of course, but life damages us all in the best of circumstances.

It's a tough decision.

 

[Roph]

Yes. Absolutely.