Discussion Do we really want to die?

[Jai]

That's why I dragged my feet on having kids with my beloved. She left me for another man, even after I begged her to return and promised to help her have a kid. A month ago she had me meet her, just so she could tell me she's pregnant by the other man.

I don't know what I should have done. Had I tried for a kid when she first asked, the kid might be miserable, but I might still be happy.

What was the right path?

That's painful mate my life ended when my only true love left me out of the blue we had a good life two kids been with her for an eternity then poof all over in a second still don't know why I can't shake it haunts me everyday and took my soul being and will to live thought I'd never be that complete miserable depressed suicidal person but hey that's the fucking universe one minute Alls great and secure the next an endless abyss of pain and misery top it off with no rhyme or reason

 

[Kirakishou]

ive wanted to for a long time now, i just cant leave my sister, its so hard

 

[52shriek]

There's so much in the world I don't wanna leave, I used to live in South Africa for a bit and I miss that pure bliss of being out there, sadly it was shattered by an abusive relationship (who also had the brilliant idea to introduce me to meth, I haven't taken it for over a year now but I really still feel the side effects on my emotional/psychological state)...

And then so much I DO want to leave behind, the pointlessness, the vacuity, the boredom... and most of all ME, I wanna leave me because I'm the shadow of my former self, and even so my former self was always very sorrowful.

 

[TiredHorse]

I wanna leave me because I'm the shadow of my former self, and even so my former self was always very sorrowful.

Oh yes. I know this one. Well said, 52shriek.

 

[NemoZeno]

Undoubtedly all of us want the pain to stop. Since pain is terribly intertwined with life, you can make the argument (and I'm not saying this is absolute) that yes: we want to die. As long as there is no separation between life and pain, we will always want to die.

*sniffles and rubs nose* While I have no illusions that I understand half of what he is saying, Zizek is a spokesperson for me.

 

[52shriek]

To be relatively objective, it looks like I have a lot going for myself. I have a bit of talent for a couple of artistic disciplines, I've always wanted to sing in a band for instance, also I'm a pretty good photographer... I'm not bragging, trust me. I just have ZERO energy, ZERO motivation and ZERO cop on to try and get the ball rolling there. Like... Start a band at 40 when I can't even manage to feed myself or get out of bed everyday? When I get terrified everytime the phone rings? Yeah, right.

Despite a shitty start in life, I'm the one sabotaging myself and at my age now, I know it won't get better or easier.

 

[52shriek]

To be relatively objective, it looks like I have a lot going for myself. I have a bit of talent for a couple of artistic disciplines, I've always wanted to sing in a band for instance, also I'm a pretty good photographer... I'm not bragging, trust me. I just have ZERO energy, ZERO motivation and ZERO cop on to try and get the ball rolling there. Like... Start a band at 40 when I can't even manage to feed myself or get out of bed everyday? When I get terrified everytime the phone rings? Yeah, right.

Despite a shitty start in life, I'm the one sabotaging myself and at my age now, I know it won't get better or easier.

By that I mean that I can see so many people who have successfully channelled their pain and depression into a work of art, in diverse forms, and sure, it probably can't "cure" them entirely but I'm raging that I've never managed to do that for myself. So much angst and emptiness and nothing to channel it or project it for me.
This stupid disease has never even given me an opportunity to try an attempt to turn it into something bigger than myself, if you know what I mean.
I'm ranting a bit, sorry.

 

[Pointlesslife]

Both we want to die so the pain can end. I would rather live than die but only if I can live a decent life. With the way my life is at the moment I see little reason to continue living.

 

[52shriek]

I can relate to that. I would want to live if my mind would only let me, find some untapped source of energy and motivation but...

And also, as I'm entering my 40s, I have no illusions, life will get tougher, not the other way around. I have no kids so at least there's that... Kids would hold me back.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Those are the same things.

 

[LostInLife]

No. I don't really. I've just lived long enough to know what to expect... and there's no freaking way.

 

[IchIsGone]

I don't really want to die but I don't see any other option. I want the pain to stop.

I want to keep on living but not like this. I want to be happy and worry free. Right now the need to end the suffering is strong but what if want day things got really good for me, me enjoying life when all of sudden something happen and I only have short time to live? It's like a reverse of my current situation. It's a silly thought but enough to keep me up all night.

 

[piratemaverick]

I was wondering, don't think any of us gonna make it out this bitch alive

i feel you. its just a matter of when now

 

[AlePizarnik]

We are all going to die anyway. It is not a choice.

 

[Xerxes]

When the pain stops, I dread when it comes back again and it always comes back. The only way it'll never come back is if I end it myself.

 

[TiredHorse]

I don't really want to die but I don't see any other option. I want the pain to stop.

I want to keep on living but not like this. I want to be happy and worry free. Right now the need to end the suffering is strong but what if want day things got really good for me, me enjoying life when all of sudden something happen and I only have short time to live? It's like a reverse of my current situation. It's a silly thought but enough to keep me up all night.

This is me.

When the pain stops, I dread when it comes back again and it always comes back. The only way it'll never come back is if I end it myself.

And so is this.

I second-guess myself with, "but what if something changes?", all the time aware that it has changed in the past but then reliably gotten worse afterward. Could I continue to live now, in the pain I am currently in? Probably. I numb myself with the internet and don't leave the house and I can exist like this indefinitely.

But that's existence, not living. And I know it's only a matter of time --two more trimesters-- before it all gets much, much worse.

 

[rabid_squirrel]

If the mental anguish would go away for good, then I would much rather live. I have experienced enough to know though that even if it does go away, it will return. Again and again and again...

I feel the same.It's like a never ending nightmare,it just keeps returning.
When I was younger,I suffered even worse,but I kept going,I thought things might take a turn when I was older.But 10 years later,I'm still the same.
The only good thing,I know my suicide won't be an impulsive decision and I won't regret.

 

[littlelungs]

I don't want to die, but I don't know what else to do with myself. I'm suffering, my mind is a terrifying place, and the only way I know how to escape it all is to die.