Discussion Do people know about your suicidal thoughts?

[nomennescio]

Okay, so now a days the whole thing people like to preach and claim is "be open about it, its okay to be not okay, reach out for help" blah blah.
So ive always been struggling in silence and loneliness. Never shared my pain or showed my true feelings.

Things have gotten a lot worse this year. Im older and better capable of communicating about it. So i thought i should finally give this advice a chance, despite me being skeptical. So i didnt have many people in my life, but after this has caused me to be in complete isolation at this point.. i really wish i had never been this open about how bad i truly feel and just continued to put on a mask. At least then i had the illusion that someone might care about me, and thus giving me some sort of hope or keeping me from going through with it.

Since ive really shared how bad i feel would really just want it all to end, thats when i lost everything. I havent heard or seen my only two friends since i broke down in tears when i was with them, which is about half a year ago.instead they went on being best friends with my ex. Lots of fun sharing how bad i feel ofcourse.
Reached out to my only sister whom expected me to not be feeling like this anymore after a week and when that wasnt the case i havent heard from her since either. I live with my mother atm and she knows best how suicidal i am. She will gladly leave me alone for days, almost seeming like she is giving me the space and opportunity to go through with it. Further she doesnt really talk to me, have to admit that she just doesnt really have the mental capacity to handle it, or understand i think. But it seems everyone is like go ahead with it. (People have literally said this to me when i shared)

Honestly everyone, or well the few people i had haha, just made me feel so much worse. I rather was living with the illusion that anyone míght care a bit. Ive never done any attempts, or ever really burdened anyone with what i am going through, i mean if it was going on for years i could imagine them being sick of it but people just really only care about themselves it seems. Ive shared that im very lonely and just one small text or something would realy help me. But it was too much for the people i knew. I just cannot comprehend it.I cant imagine knowing my sister is feeling like this, and i would just be like oh well nothing i can do i guess, her thing to do, you can only help yourself. Lol, that one i am sick of hearing, "you are the only one who can help you" (i know it is true to some degree but humans naturally need other humans)
Really made me realize how worthless i am and that no one, not even your own blood will make any effort, even if this means their own blood is dying, their own is what is important.

Sorry for the long word vomit, i guess i needed to get it off my chest. I truly regret opening up so much and it has really taken away my last bit of hope, my confidence in other people. my wish to end it has gotten too big now, i am practically already dead, i just exist.

I also wonder if i did it wrong, idk, i just really tried to not be too demanding of people and only asked for a little support cause i couldnt see it anymore. Everyone ive ever loved has shown me that they do not care. My social isolation has never been this bad. I feel truly alone in this world. Its too painful. Made me feel like i am even more of a burden than i already felt i was, its too much.
Also sharing it with any professional has never helped me any further, they either gave me a huge bag of medication like they were saying go ahead, or they were not taking it seriously at all.

Anyway, anyone who can relate?

 

[F&Inside]

Hello nomennescio.
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You have done well to express your feelings and try to seek their support. Why not? You thought about it at that moment and you jumped in. I don't think it's something you should regret. Perhaps you have learned something from this experience.
My best wishes.

 

[nomennescio]

Hello nomennescio.
I'm sorry about what happened to you. You have done well to express your feelings and try to seek their support. Why not? You thought about it at that moment and you jumped in. I don't think it's something you should regret. Perhaps you have learned something from this experience.
My best wishes.

Thanks for your sweet reply and reading that shitpost haha.

Yup, I wish i could bring up that attitude again of "not needing anyone", but the truth is that I do..
after all that has happened, apart from this, im afraid i wont be able to trust or let anyone in ever again, but i dont wanna live that bitter way.. or better said, i cant.

 

[inanna]

We all need other people it is part of human nature. The thing I see most rampant in the world is a hatred of human nature. People's goals since the 80's to fit a mold and carve themselves up to look like Barbie and live in a McMansion and drive a gas guzzling nightmare. I'm glad younger people are starting to talk about feelings more and trying to figure out what is meaningful and worthwhile way to live. It's certainly not consumerism

Anywho I am many years your senior, likely,and I've experienced way more than my fair share of abandonment. It is painful and it isn't fair. People who don't have the emotional capacity to hold space for you and themselves tend to also be narcissistic and they're honestly not worth your time. And they will project onto you what they're actually uncomfortable about when you bring up something triggering (such as suicide).

In my experience, there aren't many people you can be fully honest with. Those friends are few and far between but that's why they are so valued. I hope that you find a kind heart to share deeper with. My advice would be to test the waters with a less extreme subject (or maybe something extreme but not related to you directly) to see the person's reaction before you share something potentially triggering and deeply personal.

We are all responsible for making sure we don't trust the wrong people. And for that we gotta learn how to trust ourselves and what makes a good character so we can watch out for red flags. Psychology 101 should be a basic life skill taught from a young age. Emotions are just part of the human condition and that is not shameful. It's ok to hurt. Every emotion is temporary. Bless.

 

[purple_keeper]

only my brother knows, but he thinks that all the ideation is gone now that we had a heart to heart. He would def freak out if he knew I was still on here

 

[Dead Already]

Just sending you a little text.

 

[nomennescio]

only my brother knows, but he thinks that all the ideation is gone now that we had a heart to heart. He would def freak out if he knew I was still on here

Thats nice that you have a brother who is willing to listen..
Did it help you at all, sharing this with him? Would you do it again?
Do you think you'll share with him that those feelings are not gone?

 

[feels_like_rain]

Okay, so now a days the whole thing people like to preach and claim is "be open about it, its okay to be not okay, reach out for help" blah blah.
So ive always been struggling in silence and loneliness. Never shared my pain or showed my true feelings.

Things have gotten a lot worse this year. Im older and better capable of communicating about it. So i thought i should finally give this advice a chance, despite me being skeptical. So i didnt have many people in my life, but after this has caused me to be in complete isolation at this point.. i really wish i had never been this open about how bad i truly feel and just continued to put on a mask. At least then i had the illusion that someone might care about me, and thus giving me some sort of hope or keeping me from going through with it.

Since ive really shared how bad i feel would really just want it all to end, thats when i lost everything. I havent heard or seen my only two friends since i broke down in tears when i was with them, which is about half a year ago.instead they went on being best friends with my ex. Lots of fun sharing how bad i feel ofcourse.
Reached out to my only sister whom expected me to not be feeling like this anymore after a week and when that wasnt the case i havent heard from her since either. I live with my mother atm and she knows best how suicidal i am. She will gladly leave me alone for days, almost seeming like she is giving me the space and opportunity to go through with it. Further she doesnt really talk to me, have to admit that she just doesnt really have the mental capacity to handle it, or understand i think. But it seems everyone is like go ahead with it. (People have literally said this to me when i shared)

Honestly everyone, or well the few people i had haha, just made me feel so much worse. I rather was living with the illusion that anyone míght care a bit. Ive never done any attempts, or ever really burdened anyone with what i am going through, i mean if it was going on for years i could imagine them being sick of it but people just really only care about themselves it seems. Ive shared that im very lonely and just one small text or something would realy help me. But it was too much for the people i knew. I just cannot comprehend it.I cant imagine knowing my sister is feeling like this, and i would just be like oh well nothing i can do i guess, her thing to do, you can only help yourself. Lol, that one i am sick of hearing, "you are the only one who can help you" (i know it is true to some degree but humans naturally need other humans)
Really made me realize how worthless i am and that no one, not even your own blood will make any effort, even if this means their own blood is dying, their own is what is important.

Sorry for the long word vomit, i guess i needed to get it off my chest. I truly regret opening up so much and it has really taken away my last bit of hope, my confidence in other people. my wish to end it has gotten too big now, i am practically already dead, i just exist.

I also wonder if i did it wrong, idk, i just really tried to not be too demanding of people and only asked for a little support cause i couldnt see it anymore. Everyone ive ever loved has shown me that they do not care. My social isolation has never been this bad. I feel truly alone in this world. Its too painful. Made me feel like i am even more of a burden than i already felt i was, its too much.
Also sharing it with any professional has never helped me any further, they either gave me a huge bag of medication like they were saying go ahead, or they were not taking it seriously at all.

Anyway, anyone who can relate?

I relate to this so much. My heart breaks for you because i know exactly how it is.
A couple of months ago I confided in a friend about how I'm feeling and it was a HUGE mistake. I ruined a friendship i truly cared about.
I understand now that it was too much to handle for someone who can't relate, but it's too late now. It's too fucking late and i just have so many regrets. And I've learned i just need to mask it, with almost everyone except for a select few people (and this group lol). I've felt so guarded since that all happened and i don't feel like i can trust like i used to. I'm scared to make new friends because they'll just go away like most friends I've driven away. People say they will be there for you and you can tell them anything, but i don't want to hear that phrase anymore because most people don't actually mean it when you confide something like this. I have BPD so i do tend to overshare, and it really bit me in the ass this time.
If you'd like to talk about it more, could i PM you?

 

[somenone]

Everyone around me knows that I want to kill myself, because I was stupid, or on the edge, when I started writing various things on Instagram, which the truth is that I did not have a single follower there. Everyone saw the scars on my hands, and everyone can see that my life fell apart and I became miserable, but no one cares. In particular, I feel this from my mother, who simply hates me, and seems to just wait for me to relieve her of unnecessary problems. The same with my ex, whom I loved very much, she told me "Do what you want", I understand that she was hurt, I'm glad that she is happy now, but it's hard for me to understand that she also doesn't don't care.

Everyone is the same, unless you have a really close friend, there is no point in telling anyone. I got over it a long time ago and I feel free of illusions.

 

[VioletNight]

I've always been way too afraid of the judgment of others or involuntary commitment if I share those kind of thoughts.

If there's someone you can trust though it can definitely be good to share how you feel. I'm really sorry about the experience you had.

 

[StolenLife]

I only have contact with my family and my therapist and psychiatrist and they all know. I once told a friend, the only friend I had at the time, and she stopped speaking with me.
I am sorry that this happened to you. At least now you know that those weren't real friends. Although their reaction might not be out of malice but rather fear or not knowing how to handle the situation, it doesn't change the fact that you are hurt and you have every right to be hurt.
Are there any mental health support groups where you live? Maybe you can find a decent therapist, from what I understand they don't perscribe meds like a psychiatrist does.
And you can always turn to SaSu if you have no one to talk to, though I understand that it hits different than when you are actually in person with someone.
I wish for you to find what you are looking for, whether the solution be ctb or recovery.

 

[vanadium23]

I'm too afraid to tell anyone; I'm worried I'd lose access to dangerous things in my house or get sent to a psych ward.

 

[TheMetalHead]

Unfortunately my mates know and so do my parents. It gets really annoying when they try to help you but were never of help before an attempt on my life.

 

[Lost Magic]

I used to talk about it more openly, but not anymore. Some people just can't handle the thought of another taking one's own life. Very few are understanding. I think it is because society has brainwashed them into thinking that everybody can be saved. Here take some pills, see a psychiatrist, go to a support group, or phone some suicide prevention hotlines. I've done all that btw. I maybe still here, but a big part of me died a long time ago. So, I only really share my feelings here now. It's my safe space.

 

[NancyVicious]

Okay, so now a days the whole thing people like to preach and claim is "be open about it, its okay to be not okay, reach out for help" blah blah.
So ive always been struggling in silence and loneliness. Never shared my pain or showed my true feelings.

Things have gotten a lot worse this year. Im older and better capable of communicating about it. So i thought i should finally give this advice a chance, despite me being skeptical. So i didnt have many people in my life, but after this has caused me to be in complete isolation at this point.. i really wish i had never been this open about how bad i truly feel and just continued to put on a mask. At least then i had the illusion that someone might care about me, and thus giving me some sort of hope or keeping me from going through with it.

Since ive really shared how bad i feel would really just want it all to end, thats when i lost everything. I havent heard or seen my only two friends since i broke down in tears when i was with them, which is about half a year ago.instead they went on being best friends with my ex. Lots of fun sharing how bad i feel ofcourse.
Reached out to my only sister whom expected me to not be feeling like this anymore after a week and when that wasnt the case i havent heard from her since either. I live with my mother atm and she knows best how suicidal i am. She will gladly leave me alone for days, almost seeming like she is giving me the space and opportunity to go through with it. Further she doesnt really talk to me, have to admit that she just doesnt really have the mental capacity to handle it, or understand i think. But it seems everyone is like go ahead with it. (People have literally said this to me when i shared)

Honestly everyone, or well the few people i had haha, just made me feel so much worse. I rather was living with the illusion that anyone míght care a bit. Ive never done any attempts, or ever really burdened anyone with what i am going through, i mean if it was going on for years i could imagine them being sick of it but people just really only care about themselves it seems. Ive shared that im very lonely and just one small text or something would realy help me. But it was too much for the people i knew. I just cannot comprehend it.I cant imagine knowing my sister is feeling like this, and i would just be like oh well nothing i can do i guess, her thing to do, you can only help yourself. Lol, that one i am sick of hearing, "you are the only one who can help you" (i know it is true to some degree but humans naturally need other humans)
Really made me realize how worthless i am and that no one, not even your own blood will make any effort, even if this means their own blood is dying, their own is what is important.

Sorry for the long word vomit, i guess i needed to get it off my chest. I truly regret opening up so much and it has really taken away my last bit of hope, my confidence in other people. my wish to end it has gotten too big now, i am practically already dead, i just exist.

I also wonder if i did it wrong, idk, i just really tried to not be too demanding of people and only asked for a little support cause i couldnt see it anymore. Everyone ive ever loved has shown me that they do not care. My social isolation has never been this bad. I feel truly alone in this world. Its too painful. Made me feel like i am even more of a burden than i already felt i was, its too much.
Also sharing it with any professional has never helped me any further, they either gave me a huge bag of medication like they were saying go ahead, or they were not taking it seriously at all.

Anyway, anyone who can relate?

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate. I have found this is the way too, you try to open up in the hope that you may get some help and end up feeling worse for doing so because people might utter the right words, then they don't bother to text. They assume you are fine again after a fortnight.

I'm torn between being angry at their world view and being jealous that they must be like that because they are lucky enough to have never felt this way themselves. I find in real life, people often think someone who says aloud that they are suicidal are just attention seeking.

It makes me desperately sad that the world has this viewpoint. They probably have no clue that actually, those words may be the person's last ditch attempt to get help. And their brush offs just reiterate that the world is a lonely place with no one who really cares.