Do people ever recognize how crappy your life is??

[ClaireBear31]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

 

[completely-done]

No, I always appear to be functional to people. People always think I'm overreacting. Whatever though, people will always assume stuff

 

[ClaireBear31]

No, I always appear to be functional to people. People always think I'm overreacting. Whatever though, people will always assume stuff

That is usally what happens to me as well, which is why this really surprised me! I can't stand it when people act as though I don't have a right to react the way I do... ugh, judgement is the worst.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I keep everything to myself. All my suffering is invisible to other people. Other people cannot comprehend what I go through as they are not living my life.

 

[forgotten15]

I like to pretend everything is okay and I always try to be as careful as I can so no one figures out how horrible is my life. There were a few times when I felt like people at work sensed that I have a very sad life because I never go or do anything and I never talk about my personal life.

 

[LastFlowers]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

My mother came close to saying something similar but she was more saying it out of frustration and pity for her own self in having to deal with the aftermath (me and my suffering) stemming from her (and my father's) gamble of a decision (and how they handled me going forward).
I blamed myself for a long time and they enjoyed that because that is their own default-find a way to blame their most unfortunate child for the way they react to issues they never fucking asked for nor had a way out from under.. but then I realized I was NOT to blame in the slightest, I was just angry at myself for making worse decisions (due to a total lack of support and a distressed state) based on a domino effect that I never set off in the first place, never had a hand in. (Which goes far beyond simply being born.)

If I were to just smile and wave, take all the hits and blatant inequality in silence, with no protest, she (my mother) and everyone else would prefer it that way and would not fight for the best for me, I have been fighting my entire life to be heard over matters that are obvious to anyone with a modicum of common sense, honesty, and fair vision.
This is why I'm so terrified of ending up as a vegetable..they'd already prefer it if I were a voluntary one! (Which honestly, I probably do come across as..to avoid conflict, insults, and further neglect & cruelty. Vulnerable people have to choose their battles wisely.)

I have spent so much of my life FIGHTING, arguing, begging, pleading, explaining the readily apparent within an inch of my life..so much time wasted on just the initial FIGHT they forced me to put up.
So when people conflate my type of issues (and all the subsequent consequences) with how I value myself (telling me I must hate myself or something to that effect) I become enraged. Nothing could be more backwards and wrong.
I have never fought more for someone in my life, than I have for myself, surely I have shown plenty of love towards myself as I am always defending and trying to protect myself, trying to make a tiny isolated space for myself to grow in any small way I can manage, alongside the constant looming rot.

You cannot acquire a solution to a problem if it's not something you can fix on your own, and other people willfully fail to recognize its magnitude-due to the desire to shirk their own responsibility and contributions to the hell someone endures.
They know the truth, they know how fucked I am and they all know their part in it, especially if they were to have even a minuscule moment of self reflection (which I've had in spades) but they are masters of hypocrisy, delusion, blocking out countless memories that put them in a bad light, and blame shifting, etc.

I have been forced to waste over a decade on the battle for a mere (and proper) ounce of recognition of what has utterly destroyed me, I am EXHAUSTED from that alone.
There are fleeting moments of clarity where the full scope of my predicament is appreciated for just how barren, torturous and contentious it is..but they go as soon as they come, as everyone is the victim of their own story, so that means the real victims can only be acknowledged as such for brief (and redacted) periods, like a forgotten side character in another person's said story, which leaves no time to actually assist or comfort the struggling.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

People know that I'm basically housebound at this point. I have health problems, but I suspect that people may think I'm lazy and overreacting.

 

[Sanva]

No, not even my physical health problems which usually NTs are more understanding of. They just act like I'm overreacting and stupid

 

[whatevs]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

Damn, that's lucky, unless it comes from a place of harshness and lack of empathy. If not, then your mother or father actually seems to get how you feel. Not a bad thing.

 

[elfin]

no. i rarely open up to people about what's going on anyway, and on the few occasions that i have people just assumed that i'd get over it.

 

[LastFlowers]

In my case, I keep everything to myself. All my suffering is invisible to other people. Other people cannot comprehend what I go through as they are not living my life.

I am forced to keep my shit to myself most of the time too (as doing otherwise has shown me just how little of a damn others give, however I have not kept my mouth shut to my parents nor most "professionals" and I have tried to reach out to other family members in small ways but they brush me off or ignore me), it's very disorienting since most of my issues are plain as day (so it is extremely awkward and infuriating for others to act so nonchalant about my struggles when they don't have to live them) and acting like a doormat who keeps their mouth shut and all their opinions to themselves (out of fear) causes me to come across as pathetic on top of everything else.
But this persona is what is expected of me, I'm not allowed to be a real person, not outside of my own head.

I believe if most of those around me were to actually stop what they're doing and turn toward me for once-see me, climb inside my head-they would be astonished at the amount of vitriol, hatred, grudges, resentment, bitterness, desperation, and highly opinionated/blunt/unyielding sentiments I hold..all held for good reason.
(They have no idea who I am, and they don't care to know, no interest in me as a human being.)
I'm sure they would also use that info to further demonize and discard me. I have to be very careful as I am already not valued the same way as other people are, I cannot get away with ANYTHING, including being ME.
It's maddeningly restricting and suffocating!

 

[Mr2005]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

No because I have a girlfriend and she shares the same name as you

 

[LastFlowers]

People know that I'm basically housebound at this point. I have health problems, but I suspect that people may think I'm lazy and overreacting.

I think that's what most people think of those who are housebound (and/or unemployed), that we are all just lazy, mooching burdens and enjoying the "free time", when in reality-at least for me-it has only meant years and years of isolation, awful dependency/no means, being starved of anything and everything decent which life may have to offer, daily sobbing fits, inability to function enough for basic hygiene never mind being able to do anything else productive!
I have not been able to do a god damn thing I've wanted or needed to do, even hobbies are a no-go for me.
It's been a complete waste and pure misery, I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I can't.
It's all just a sorry attempt at distraction and staying away from a world that looks down on me and is apathetic to the hell they exacerbate ..just trying to reduce and avoid further trauma.
I would trade all of my problems for a time machine and a hard-working job in the outside world, I am not a lazy, loafing person..hell, I would work myself to the bone if it meant THAT was all it took to solve my own issues (I've already tried!) but unfortunately I am at the mercy of other people and other factors outside of my control, so what the fuck is the point..

 

[WhiteRabbit]

it has only meant years and years of isolation, awful dependency/no means, being starved of anything and everything decent which life may have to offer, daily sobbing fits, inability to function enough for basic hygiene never mind being able to do anything else productive!
I have not been able to do a god damn thing I've wanted or needed to do, even hobbies are a no-go for me.
It's been a complete waste and pure misery, I don't enjoy ANYTHING. I can't.

I could have written this. I know exactly what you mean

 

[ikadasui]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

Idk but personally I feel them acknowledging it would make it less of a surprise if it comes to pass so in a way I don't think it's a bad thing

 

[Foresight]

Yea, I know that feeling. I remember the day my mother felt bad enough for me to realize I was a mistake. I'll never forget it.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Nobody knows. Even when I was flagrantly suicidal and had my plan in motion, no one knew.

My entire life I've been accused of being too sensitive, overreacting and taking others' "teasing" too seriously. Some of the people who loved to "tease" me were my own family. One is my mother, who still takes delight in needling me to this day.

No one gets how my family has mistreated me and how difficult it made my life. My mother made me into a perfect victim and then sent me out into the world where other bullies of all kinds would recognize my vulnerabilities. And they did, and they were merciless.

Some people are jealous because I don't work, but I miss my work and would rather be able to have and keep a job. It's just not possible.

I am lucky in that I have my husband and my little business, but I still worry endlessly that I am not a good wife and that my business, small though it is, will fail spectacularly.

It is very hard being me sometimes, and it would be great to know that someone recognized it.

 

[Al Cappella]

Wow, so it is possible. I've never had it happen—it was always either minimized or flat out denied. And that, over the years, really screws with the old head. Happy you were validated, not happy it's been so rough.

 

[brainpain2]

My mom wishes she could take it all away, it breaks her heart. If she had'be known I would end up with these struggles she wouldn't have had me either.

But you don't know when you procreate . Which is why having children is wrong
People who aren't close to me? I would say no they don't know because I am a pro at masking

 

[Darkover]

no my family don't care what trauma i've been through their even in deinal that i have a brain injury, they should of never had children.

 

[Rob1984]

I actually was one of the ppl who didn't acknowledge how crappy my life was for many, many years. A lot about my life seems nice on the surface, so if I ever felt depressed I would say to myself "you don't deserve to be depressed since other people have it a lot worse." And that would make me even more depressed. It's like I wasn't good enough to be happy, but I wasn't bad enough to be allowed to be depressed. So I felt very confused, frustrated, ungrateful, and well, depressed. Ever since I validated and acknowledged that I had legitimate problems, it actually helped quite a bit. I know you were asking if other ppl recognize this about myself, so sorry if my answer was a little off track...

 

[Ligottian]

So I just had one of my parents say to me, "If I had known your life was going to be this bad, I would not have ever had children and put you through it." Well, color me gobsmacked in surprise...

Anyone else ever have someone actually acknowledge that your life is legitimately hell?

The Romanian philosopher Emil Cioran said that his mother once told him that if she knew he was going to be so miserable she would have aborted him.

 

[woknows]

My father wished me all the worst and a failed life. So, yeah, I wish I could bash his face in. He is a piece of shit who should have been sterilized at birth.

My mother just pretends everything will be fine.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Well all of my friends have their own places and partners so I think it's clear to most that I'm generally doing pretty shit compared to the rest of them. I think in terms of mental health people just assume I'm bored or want attention when I mention/let on that I feel like offing myself, or I'm exaggerating for the sake of it.

My mother did tell me I'd never get anywhere in life or be really happy again when I split up with my ex, and she was right to be fair.

 

[raghu1977]

I dont want to gross anyone out, but i wear adult diapers. Every few hours I need to change it out and clean out my poop and pus. My doc suggests a colostomy bag for my next procedure. Yay!

So - yeah my life is literally crappy

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I appear functional to most people. Most people think my life is sunshine and roses. Far from that…..