I've attempted seriously once but failed so everyone who is close to me probably knows. The thing is that they probably don't know that I'm still feeling this way.
I mask it now - realised it was a big mistake to mention it to anyone. Now I'm the one that has gone quiet and I agree that's when things are the worst and the person is the most committed to CTB. I'd agree that masking it is probably best for everyone though. I've lived long enough to know what the rest of my life holds so there's little point in anyone trying to talk me out of it. The thought of the psych ward is also enough to stop me saying anything to any do-gooders!
This is my life in a nutshell. Especially after my most recent break up last week. It's not even so much that he broke me, but the fact that the few other people around keep making comments about how they know that broke my trust in people and probably myself. Also everyone seems to have known about different things that lead to it, but they didn't want to tell me or hurt me because I'm so sweet, or they knew about my failed attempt in April. It's true that I have lost all trust and faith in others at this point. 6 days and counting though until I ctb.
Your friend was just looking for an excuse to distance themselves. Your sucidality isn't the problem.
It's amazing to me that people can ignore such clear signs that something is very wrong. I genuinely think everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that they just don't notice what is staring them in the face. Either that or they ignore it because they don't want the drama.
That's so sad but so relatable too :(
I think most of us have experienced that look of horror. I find the worst thing is trying to talk to someone but realising that the way you think is totally alien to most people. When I was younger I thought it was normal to have thoughts of ending yourself, and always having it there as a 'plan B'.I used to talk a bit more but have always been pretty private. The worst thing is if you try to explain how you feel then get the look of pure horror, so you back off and say you were joking
Sadly I think you are probably right. People don't understand and really think you can move on and be fine. As long as you are going through the motions of life, those around you will think you have 'got over it'. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own life that they don't really look too hard. It's a combination of ignorance about mental illness and just not really wanting to go through it again.I've attempted seriously once but failed so everyone who is close to me probably knows. The thing is that they probably don't know that I'm still feeling this way.
It's a weird outcast feeling, it feels like you aren't as close to them anymore. That there is this big elephant in the room that never goes away that everyone ignores. I don't know.
It's sad isn't it? Sometimes they don't want to hear because it's too upsetting to think about. But mainly people are just wrapped up in their own lives. The awful thing is that if you were gone, they would be saying they wish they could spend time with you and what they would give for one conversation.
Do you think that is because you play it down? I often say I'm fine when someone asks how I am. If only they knew the absolute turmoil of my reality. Half of me doesn't want anyone to know and the other half knows that if you try to pour your heart out, chances are you will somehow end up listening to their problems and comforting them! :)
