Discussion Do people around you know how you feel?

[CarambaAlbum]

Do you tell people close to you how you really feel or try to mask it? I have known 4 people commit suicide in my life and in each case you would have no idea they were struggling so much. Outwardly they seemed to be coping fine. All were male, 2 by hanging, 1 jumped in front of a train, and the other by car exhaust fumes. I'm getting on a bit so this is over a number of years. The people I know who have been vocal about their struggles are all still here. I think it shows you really need to talki f you can. And also if you have a friend who goes quiet, or suddenly seems fine, they may be in trouble. I think people go quiet if they are determined so nobody can talk them out of it. I think a lot of us do want to be stopped even if we may not realise it, that probably means you aren't ready. I don't know, it really is a minefield!

I've attempted seriously once but failed so everyone who is close to me probably knows. The thing is that they probably don't know that I'm still feeling this way.

It's a weird outcast feeling, it feels like you aren't as close to them anymore. That there is this big elephant in the room that never goes away that everyone ignores. I don't know.

 

[angel31]

I have told some of them, but I really regret doing so, because I dont want them to have to suffer with me if that makes sense.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't have people immediately around me. It's mostly just the odd phone call and text. People know I'm struggling but not how much.

I think for many people who feel confident that they will CTB- they likely will push people away to try and make it easier on them when the time comes. Personally- I don't want to reach out to people. I don't want them to have the guilt/ worry of knowing. There's a likelihood I'll do it one day. I don't want them to feel they didn't do enough to 'save' me. If they don't know- there's nothing they could have done. There's nothing they can do anyway- so- why bother them?

For people who want to 'recover' though- I think it's probably good to get other people on board to help.

 

[90starve]

my boyfriend is very aware. he moved in with my against my wishes, and is unemployed so does not leave the house - which has caused me a very distressing home situation, where i have 0 room to be sad, and have to financially provide for both of us.

it was very inevitable that he'd catch on. but he has no legitimate concern - even after catching me harming myself - and i believe that he has told his peers of my situation out of spite.

 

[naenae28]

Hell no and they never will unless it's in my suicide note

 

[OAn0n]

Do you tell people close to you how you really feel or try to mask it? I have known 4 people commit suicide in my life and in each case you would have no idea they were struggling so much. Outwardly they seemed to be coping fine. All were male, 2 by hanging, 1 jumped in front of a train, and the other by car exhaust fumes. I'm getting on a bit so this is over a number of years. The people I know who have been vocal about their struggles are all still here. I think it shows you really need to talki f you can. And also if you have a friend who goes quiet, or suddenly seems fine, they may be in trouble. I think people go quiet if they are determined so nobody can talk them out of it. I think a lot of us do want to be stopped even if we may not realise it, that probably means you aren't ready. I don't know, it really is a minefield!

Noone understands
I've got literally Noone
And tbh I'm much worse cause of it

 

[Zero Two]

I did tell everyone in my life and they didnt care. So for a while now, i let them see what they want to see and i just dont worry them with my problems. They dont care about anyone else besides themselves, so I just exist and go with the flow until my day comes. <3

 

[NoReasonToLive2023]

I've not told a single soul about planning to CTB. I suspect I'd be put in a mental health facility which would make my already horrendous suffering even worse - and I'd have no way to CTB.

 

[failed life]

Do you tell people close to you how you really feel or try to mask it? I have known 4 people commit suicide in my life and in each case you would have no idea they were struggling so much. Outwardly they seemed to be coping fine. All were male, 2 by hanging, 1 jumped in front of a train, and the other by car exhaust fumes. I'm getting on a bit so this is over a number of years. The people I know who have been vocal about their struggles are all still here. I think it shows you really need to talki f you can. And also if you have a friend who goes quiet, or suddenly seems fine, they may be in trouble. I think people go quiet if they are determined so nobody can talk them out of it. I think a lot of us do want to be stopped even if we may not realise it, that probably means you aren't ready. I don't know, it really is a minefield!

I mask it now - realised it was a big mistake to mention it to anyone. Now I'm the one that has gone quiet and I agree that's when things are the worst and the person is the most committed to CTB. I'd agree that masking it is probably best for everyone though. I've lived long enough to know what the rest of my life holds so there's little point in anyone trying to talk me out of it. The thought of the psych ward is also enough to stop me saying anything to any do-gooders!

I've known two people who have gone, one was my twin. Because she had severe physical pain it was obvious to me she'd exit when she couldn't take any more. The other was for similar reasons and I could see that coming too. i get it now.. when there's literally no hope left you know it's time.

 

[blue_muse]

People around me, family and so called friends, know how I feel. Nearly all of them delude themselves into thinking, that what I'm feeling is temporary and that I must heal. There's nothing temporary about a healh condition, which I've tried remedying with different treatments over the years, giving me a poor quality of life. There's only so much rejection, invalidation, harassment, verbal abuse and so on that a person can take until deciding "This life isn't worth it. I can't be a source to so many people, who only care about whether I'll get through whatever for their benefit. It's time to CTB.".

 

[(¥)]

noone. they think i am "doing it for attention" despite suffering for years. they think i am fraud. they will laugh at my ctb because "they are right" about me. they will be blamed and will not laugh anymore...

 

[BleedingHeartofPain]

People are aware, but it's not a legitimate concern for anyone. I think the people in my life are fine so long as I'm merely breathing. No one really wants to see the reality I'm contending with because it interferes with their happiness. I think it's worse this way—to have people know, and still ignore the red flags. It makes me feel completely alone in the world, held by no one but myself.

This is my life in a nutshell. Especially after my most recent break up last week. It's not even so much that he broke me, but the fact that the few other people around keep making comments about how they know that broke my trust in people and probably myself. Also everyone seems to have known about different things that lead to it, but they didn't want to tell me or hurt me because I'm so sweet, or they knew about my failed attempt in April. It's true that I have lost all trust and faith in others at this point. 6 days and counting though until I ctb.

 

[lokabe82]

The only person who knows is my lifelong friend that lives on the opposite side of the country. He knows how long I have felt this way and has learned to accept it. No one in my daily life knows anything though.

 

[willitpass]

Different people in my life know to varying degrees. Honestly, the people closest to me are kept the most out of the loop, as they are the most likely to force treatment upon me. Some friends know that I'm depressed, some know that I'm suicidal, some know that I have a history but think I'm doing better. My family all believe I'm recovered and I don't intend to tell them that I'm not, they'll just throw me back into the mental hospital.

 

[delusionalgirl]

Other than here no. Well they know on the past I did but currently no one knows the plan. They are very aware of my on going mental health issues.

 

[DesolateSouls]

About a month ago I told someone who I thought was a friend that I was feeling like CTB. They ghosted me and when I saw them at college they wouldn't even look at me, and now I'm pretty sure they're telling people I'm crazy. My urge to CTB has gone up tenfold since then, unfortunately I'm too much of a pussy to use a method other than SN or N, both of which seem impossible to get ahold of atm, at least with my limited knowledge of knowing how to obtain them.

 

[blue_muse]

About a month ago I told someone who I thought was a friend that I was feeling like CTB. They ghosted me and when I saw them at college they wouldn't even look at me, and now I'm pretty sure they're telling people I'm crazy. My urge to CTB has gone up tenfold since then, unfortunately I'm too much of a pussy to use a method other than SN or N, both of which seem impossible to get ahold of atm, at least with my limited knowledge of knowing how to obtain them.

Your friend was just looking for an excuse to distance themselves. Your sucidality isn't the problem.

 

[S u i c i d e]

The only people who know how I feel are the people on this page

 

[Praestat_Mori]

People directly around me have no clue of my actual CTB thoughts, plans and that I could perform this plan without hestitation within the next 24h. However some "know" that I could CTB at any time under certain circumstances although they would not respect it.

 

[enough of this]

Not really. I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Telling people how I feel just gets me into trouble.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

my boyfriend is very aware. he moved in with my against my wishes, and is unemployed so does not leave the house - which has caused me a very distressing home situation, where i have 0 room to be sad, and have to financially provide for both of us.

it was very inevitable that he'd catch on. but he has no legitimate concern - even after catching me harming myself - and i believe that he has told his peers of my situation out of spite.

It's amazing to me that people can ignore such clear signs that something is very wrong. I genuinely think everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that they just don't notice what is staring them in the face. Either that or they ignore it because they don't want the drama.

Not really. I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Telling people how I feel just gets me into trouble.

That's so sad but so relatable too :(

 

[NorthernMonkey]

I used to talk a bit more but have always been pretty private. The worst thing is if you try to explain how you feel then get the look of pure horror, so you back off and say you were joking

I think most of us have experienced that look of horror. I find the worst thing is trying to talk to someone but realising that the way you think is totally alien to most people. When I was younger I thought it was normal to have thoughts of ending yourself, and always having it there as a 'plan B'.

I've attempted seriously once but failed so everyone who is close to me probably knows. The thing is that they probably don't know that I'm still feeling this way.

It's a weird outcast feeling, it feels like you aren't as close to them anymore. That there is this big elephant in the room that never goes away that everyone ignores. I don't know.

Sadly I think you are probably right. People don't understand and really think you can move on and be fine. As long as you are going through the motions of life, those around you will think you have 'got over it'. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own life that they don't really look too hard. It's a combination of ignorance about mental illness and just not really wanting to go through it again.

 

[Final_Choice]

They think it's just a passive thought and that I'm doing better, they don't know it's a very active thought and that I have my preferred method already.

 

[InAgony]

I've told people, but don't talk about it anymore because they don't want to hear it.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

I've told people, but don't talk about it anymore because they don't want to hear it.

It's sad isn't it? Sometimes they don't want to hear because it's too upsetting to think about. But mainly people are just wrapped up in their own lives. The awful thing is that if you were gone, they would be saying they wish they could spend time with you and what they would give for one conversation.

They think it's just a passive thought and that I'm doing better, they don't know it's a very active thought and that I have my preferred method already.

Do you think that is because you play it down? I often say I'm fine when someone asks how I am. If only they knew the absolute turmoil of my reality. Half of me doesn't want anyone to know and the other half knows that if you try to pour your heart out, chances are you will somehow end up listening to their problems and comforting them! :)