Discussion Do people around you know how you feel?

[MrBrownUpsideD]

When I first admitted myself to a hospital I was honest to my friends. It made them uncomfortable to the point of not wanting to ask about it anymore. Some stopped talking to me at all. I'm not pushing away the last bit of comfortable social interaction I have.

If you still have hope and want to talk to someone about it, I suggest seeking a professional.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

It's gotten better, but she still seems to think I could just snap out of it if I wanted to and that I'm suicidal because I'm lazy and don't want to try at anything.

I hate that people who don't understand depression, view it as laziness. I think a lot of us have things we could do to improve our situation, but trying to muster up the energy or enthusiasm feels impossible. It's hard enough to get dressed most days, never mind anything else. People suggest making a list and trying to cross off at least one thing a day, I can't get as far as finding a pen :)

 

[parader]

those closest to me know that i'm depressed, anxious and hopeless most of the time, but not actually suicidal
my family doesn't know anything
since forever i just put up this mask that i'm doing great, they only get to know something is wrong when it's already done and i'm in the hospital again or something

 

[Odahviing475]

My fear of opening up is that it'll push the people I love away, like my close friends. While they will want to help in their own way, there comes a point where people have had enough and don't want anything else to do with it. It's happened before to me.

 

[Death is my goal]

not in the slightest

 

[looking for peace]

I don't hide how I truly feel and I don't have anyone who really cares about me in my Vision

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

I have 2 friends in my life who know I'm actively suicidal. They try to help me feel better sometimes but only so much they're willing to do. Mainly just allowing me to vent.

 

[otoko]

I feel like (with me atleast) it gets to a point where its pointless to try and mask how you feel or what's going on anymore.

I've had enough meltdowns in front of others where it's more than obvious, but it's so normal to them now that I hope when I finally choose to ctb it won't be much of a shock.

 

[FrostedHoax]

No, one knows. I don't think they'll ever understand or if they'll even want to understand. I don't talk about the things I talk about here with anyone I know in real life for fear of scaring them off and being marked as "that person". Also, I truly believe there's nothing that anyone can do at this point to stop me from killing myself.

 

[Arachno]

No one around has any idea that i'm suicidal, I only hinted it a few times. The only thing that i revealed my suicidality to is this site.

 

[l0stc4use]

Yes but i don't think anyone takes it seriously anymore because i've attempted many times and broke down in front of people multiple times and shouted to everyone that i want to kill my self but i'm still here. i'm trying to accept being alone but it's very hard.

 

[devoidvessel]

Yes, but they don't care. They care only about their own problems. I'm constantly invalidated. It is pretty sad. and I know they when I'm gone the same people that invalidates what i feel will be the first to cry and talk about how they couldn't ever imagined. This revolts me.

 

[CloudyNight]

I have battled with my mind for awhile but I can't say I have won I can say that I have learned to live with my thoughts but it's difficult for me to put it into words and to talk to people like friends or family it feels wrong I feel like I'm letting them down talking about my emotions I'm the funny guy the comic relief of the group so I'm glad I found this place

 

[goodbye_._]

Well I've attempted before and recently I haven't left my house very much. I don't bake anymore and I don't really talk to her as much but I try to since I don't wanna leave her without a good connection. So she might atleast think I'm depressed, maybe suicidal. She might be ignoring the signs since she hasn't said anything or she might just not notice I'm not sure. But I haven't talked about it but I'm not that scared to since I know at some point no one will stop me from doing it.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Noone will ever know until its too late
Im not gonna tell anyone because they dont deserve to know
The only people I tell are random strangers online that I can trust and that wont / cannot call the cops on me

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Aside from the initial conversation, I prefer to mask most of the time whenever I can, but my brother, sister and bf know why I have to ctb; the executive dysfunction pretty much already gave it away. Funnily enough, the few people I love haven't had the best lives either and have/had passive ideation, which is why I could be upfront with them, and tell my bf about the forum. But I can tell it genuinely hurts them to think about it so I don't selfishly wave it in their faces all the time. I've found it's easier to post crap online or talk to people online because the connection isn't genuine. I'm lucky to have the people I love but I try not to burden them with my problems most of the time because they have their own problems with mh, addiction, money etc. The reason why we click well is because we're good at masking and making each other laugh and using dark humour as a way to keep things light, but we can always talk about what's going on when we need to, it's good to have that balance. It's a double edged sword though because it's easier to eventually ctb if noone cares about losing you.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

Yes, but they don't care. They care only about their own problems. I'm constantly invalidated. It is pretty sad. and I know they when I'm gone the same people that invalidates what i feel will be the first to cry and talk about how they couldn't ever imagined. This revolts me.

That revolts me too. I have been at funerals where people put on quite the show, crying, hugging, talking about how great the person was. And I'm thinking, you couldn't stand them, and they despised you, they would be horrified you are at their funeral. What is that all about? Are they just there for free food?! At least we won't be there to deal with those hypocrites. You have made me think now, I need to make a no entry list and hire a couple of doormen :)

Noone will ever know until its too late
Im not gonna tell anyone because they dont deserve to know
The only people I tell are random strangers online that I can trust and that wont / cannot call the cops on me

Yeah, unfortunately on one of the threads someone said that exactly that happened. Someone here called the cops and got them to go round and do a welfare check. I don't know how they knew the details but it makes me a bit wary of what information I share :(

 

[Lost Magic]

I had to break ties with everyone. I stay in a toxic place full of gossip merchants so I prefer to keep myself to myself nowadays. Now that my beloved family has passed on, I hope to join them soon anyway. I am no longer human and no longer want to take part in this shit show.

 

[Ambivalent1]

No how can they? Empathy isn't real. It's a word used by do-gooders to act like they're in the know and to give the impression they care by using their imagination to guess at what you're feeling.

 

[LastFlowers]

Do you tell people close to you how you really feel or try to mask it? I have known 4 people commit suicide in my life and in each case you would have no idea they were struggling so much. Outwardly they seemed to be coping fine. All were male, 2 by hanging, 1 jumped in front of a train, and the other by car exhaust fumes. I'm getting on a bit so this is over a number of years. The people I know who have been vocal about their struggles are all still here. I think it shows you really need to talki f you can. And also if you have a friend who goes quiet, or suddenly seems fine, they may be in trouble. I think people go quiet if they are determined so nobody can talk them out of it. I think a lot of us do want to be stopped even if we may not realise it, that probably means you aren't ready. I don't know, it really is a minefield!

No I most definitely do NOT want to be stopped and the mere thought of being stopped fills me with dread and panic.
Even the possibility of my method failing on its own is incredibly distressing to me.
I rarely find the opportunity to speak on my suffering irl, even though it should be plainly obvious that I suffer. And have so severely and progressively for the majority of my life at this point.
It would be insane for me to stick around.
Even out of spite.
But when I have had the opening to say something, and when the internalization and keeping things inside became downright poisonous, I simply could not give any more damns about the consequences of saying my piece and just had to speak. Or try.
(People really don't want you to tell them, they don't even want to hear about your struggles in general that got you to that place. So some of us who do try to talk, end up doing so on deaf ears, to a brick wall, therefore nothing really comes of it either way.
The only people who want you to tell them you're suicidal are Psychs, for their paycheck…and even they aren't usually concerned with the root cause or the reasons you offer as to why you need to end things.)

I think it's bullshit that talking in every case means you secretly want to be "saved" (I consider it the opposite of saving) or that you're "not ready".
Who the hell is ready to die?
Who the hell was ready to suffer and be tormented to the point that expediting death became the most reasonable option?
Sometimes what must be done must be done.
I think even those of us who are more than ready for this to be over, way beyond our natural limit, still aren't at peace with having been so fucked over. And never will be.
Even those who have succeeded in killing themselves probably were not "ready" in every sense of the word.

I think you have a point that talking can ease the pressure cooker sensation going on inside some suicidal people, which in turn may extend their life, even if only temporarily.
But keep in mind that some who went quiet and were quick about it, may have simply been just that: quick about it.
Not every suicide was some unforeseen event.
Not every suicidal person was a surprise…I've noticed that this "shock" is applied to cases where it doesn't even belong.
Even when there were obvious signs.
And again, could also just be a scenario of impulse.
It's actually easy to commit to an action, the less you fucking think about it.
As ill-advised as that is.

Also, even when your situation is terminal, you usually still want people to give a damn.
Giving a damn should not equate to stopping the suicide or talking someone out of it.
Even those dead set on killing themselves would prefer some comfort and care given to them on their way out.
For the same reason a dying man with 5 minutes left to live might ask for a glass of water.
We all die eventually anyhow, no matter how short or long our journey is there, most of us don't want to be disregarded as we go, especially when our lives were already miserable enough.

I will say though, there are some people who want to talk (or act a certain way) with the intention of having someone stop them (or perhaps hoping the person they tell will flail about in an attempt at flattering them out of the idea, reassuring them in their worth).
Sometimes this is obvious, other times it involves very extensive mind games and it becomes difficult to tell who is serious and who is not..until it's too late.

I've spoken to people (one or two cases in particular) where I thought we were on the same page, to the point where they had convinced me, of their own volition..through their own words and actions and assertions, that they were suicidal..and if and when they were to kill themselves, they did not want anyone to stop them nor EVER call anyone or put them in the hospital. (I felt the same.)
Then down the line..way too far down the line.. a bomb is dropped that retroactively recolors everything, where it turns out they may have secretly wanted to be stopped all along..and they suddenly, with little warning, projected that desire and mentality onto me unfairly.
Believing that I must be the same.
Which REALLY pissed me off and more importantly scared the shit out of me, as I was lulled into a false sense of security thinking there was no way this person would ever interfere in my plans or disrespect my right to die, because they were as adamant as I was, at least in the sense of adhering to someone's wishes at face value.
(We were not coercive to one another.)
When all bets were off the table, and I was thrown for a loop…among others factors, I had to walk away. Permanently.
My privacy, dignity and last semblance of sanity were too important.
I will not risk someone making me think they're safe to open up to..only to spring onto me a completely different impression where I suddenly have to be terrified out of my mind that they might contact a family member or think it wise to stop me against my own judgement.
I hope the people I walked away from never did that (I am too scared to dig around or ask),
I think one of them certainly knows better and may have realized why I became freaked out. And I regret how many other difficult things were in the mix that I could no longer converse with them about..for both our sakes, not only because I was simply too overwhelmed with my own detriments and couldn't be a consistent support system, but because the trust I thought I had established time and time again, the push for mutual respect..was upended. I could not go back.

Maybe some people have more room to change their minds and other more pleasant aspects of their life or person that make them flip flop between tolerance and intolerance of their predicament.
But I have not wavered. I'm steadfast..resolute in what must take place.
I worry about things like failure and the consequences of that (brain damage, further impairment, an even worse existence with no way to end it, etc) but that doesn't mean I want to be stopped (and let's be honest, nobody ever prevents a suicide simply to keep a person from ending up in a worse position…let that sink in, because it has pretty disturbing implications).

 

[Source Energy]

My mom and best friend know, and the extensive reason why. They are at loss of words, but they have come to accept that is very likely at some point, I will ctb. Unfortunately they are religious, so this topic hurts and saddens them, so after I made myself clear, I try not to bring up too much. I just didn't want it to come as a surprise.

 

[LastFlowers]

No how can they? Empathy isn't real. It's a word used by do-gooders to act like they're in the know and to give the impression they care by using their imagination to guess at what you're feeling.

I don't know if I would go that far to apply this to everyone but I agree with it on some level and that's why I started to realize that it's actually better and more comforting to tell the suffering person that you don't have the means to understand, just admit it..you cannot possibly understand. Not really.
You can't feel it. You don't have to live it.
That you can see they're in pain and can try to imagine what's going on in their head, what happened and how it made them feel or act the way they do…you can try to project yourself into their shoes, and the more earnest you are, the more you listen, the better you become at such thought experiments…however it simply never compares to the real deal.
It hardly even scratches the surface.

I have even said to others, including my mother (who began to try to understand, after years and years of my begging and her handling my situation the wrong way)-
"if you actually understood, you wouldn't do x, y, z…if you lived my life, then you would not be reacting to my suffering and words the way you are" and it's true.
There will always be dissonance..often to an unbearable degree, when we try to talk with those who haven't been in our position.
It's exhausting.
Even those who have been in our shoes in some way, may still not be close enough in similarities to allow harmonious comprehension and appropriate interaction with us..there will always be too much room for even more pain and frustration due to the disparities.

 

[ever so lonely]

dont have nobody around me nomore, unemployed and claiming sickness benefits for 4 years, or so, lost family to bereavement entirely, or immediate family anyhow, they cared but there gone, the only people interested in me now are when there are bills to pay, pretty much a recluse since covid, nobody would care if i did reach out, or died come to think of it, nor would i care about dying tbh, i no longer reach out to mental health services, just pop on here now and again, because people know and are in a similar boat, non judgmental, as for mental health services at least where i live they just invalidated my suffering or palmed it off as nothing, or that is what it felt like, so i dont reach out, learned that the hard way, people are hugely disappointing, even my shopping is home delivered to avoid going out, i tend to avoid people irl now, due to shitty experiences and negative interactions, i swear i just feel numb bro, so tired

 

[LastFlowers]

People are aware, but it's not a legitimate concern for anyone. I think the people in my life are fine so long as I'm merely breathing. No one really wants to see the reality I'm contending with because it interferes with their happiness. I think it's worse this way—to have people know, and still ignore the red flags. It makes me feel completely alone in the world, held by no one but myself.

Wow. I wish I could say I don't relate, but damn..I do.

How you put it..spot on.

 

[ever so lonely]

People are aware, but it's not a legitimate concern for anyone. I think the people in my life are fine so long as I'm merely breathing. No one really wants to see the reality I'm contending with because it interferes with their happiness. I think it's worse this way—to have people know, and still ignore the red flags. It makes me feel completely alone in the world, held by no one but myself.

i reckon there is so many of us in this situation mate i legit wanted to bawl my eyes out with this post because can relate to it on so many levels, i feel we are alone in this world, alone with our thoughts alone with our feels, and nobody cares about us, i care about you my friend, i mean that

 

[Alcoholic Failure]

Yes. Every person that is close to me on any way knows that I am suicidal.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

... (and let's be honest, nobody ever prevents a suicide simply to keep a person from ending up in a worse position…let that sink in, because it has pretty disturbing implications).

I have the same worries. I don't want to be stopped in any way, I don't think everyone who talks about it wants to be stopped, I just wonder, going off my experiences, if they stopped talking because they were worried someone would intervene. I also worry that I want someone to stop me even though I think it's the last thing I want (if that makes any sense). We humans are complex creatures. I'm not sure what you mean by your last sentence. Why do you think they do prevent it? If I told anyone I would worry they couldn't cope with the guilt of knowing and not doing anything so they would go against my wishes for their own benefit, and that would be understandable. Or maybe nobody gives a shit and would let me get on with it! I'm so paranoid about someone finding out my plans that even posting here makes me nervous. You've been let down after trusting someone and reading about that freaks me out. It's so sad that when ŵe are at our absolute lowest, we can't risk confiding in someone. I wish I could ask those that went through with it, how were they feeling and if they wished they could talk to someone.

i reckon there is so many of us in this situation mate i legit wanted to bawl my eyes out with this post because can relate to it on so many levels, i feel we are alone in this world, alone with our thoughts alone with our feels, and nobody cares about us, i care about you my friend, i mean that

That's such a lovely response, now I'm bawling. I care. I sometimes think we care too much, and that's why we are here. We are incapable of playing the game and skipping through life pretending everything is OK, when it clearly isn't:(

i reckon there is so many of us in this situation mate i legit wanted to bawl my eyes out with this post because can relate to it on so many levels, i feel we are alone in this world, alone with our thoughts alone with our feels, and nobody cares about us, i care about you my friend, i mean that

That's such a lovely response, now I'm bawling. I care. I sometimes think we care too much, and that's why we are here. We are incapable of playing the game and skipping through life pretending everything is OK, when it clearly isn't:(

dont have nobody around me nomore, unemployed and claiming sickness benefits for 4 years, or so, lost family to bereavement entirely, or immediate family anyhow, they cared but there gone, the only people interested in me now are when there are bills to pay, pretty much a recluse since covid, nobody would care if i did reach out, or died come to think of it, nor would i care about dying tbh, i no longer reach out to mental health services, just pop on here now and again, because people know and are in a similar boat, non judgmental, as for mental health services at least where i live they just invalidated my suffering or palmed it off as nothing, or that is what it felt like, so i dont reach out, learned that the hard way, people are hugely disappointing, even my shopping is home delivered to avoid going out, i tend to avoid people irl now, due to shitty experiences and negative interactions, i swear i just feel numb bro, so tired

I'm with you there, numb is exactly right, exhausted and numb. Mental health services are shocking, do you know anyone who has got any help? I don't :(

 

[enough of this]

Only a select few, and they're fine with it.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Do you tell people close to you how you really feel or try to mask it? I have known 4 people commit suicide in my life and in each case you would have no idea they were struggling so much. Outwardly they seemed to be coping fine. All were male, 2 by hanging, 1 jumped in front of a train, and the other by car exhaust fumes. I'm getting on a bit so this is over a number of years. The people I know who have been vocal about their struggles are all still here. I think it shows you really need to talki f you can. And also if you have a friend who goes quiet, or suddenly seems fine, they may be in trouble. I think people go quiet if they are determined so nobody can talk them out of it. I think a lot of us do want to be stopped even if we may not realise it, that probably means you aren't ready. I don't know, it really is a minefield!

Even if they did they never checked up on me.

The only person left in my life at this point is my mom. She knows about how I feel but she's not compassionate enough to express too much care. She just tells me to go get therapy if the topic is ever brought up.

If I had a social network of friends who cared about me then I probably wouldn't be so suicidal in the first place.

In the same situation your not alone in this.

 

[Jamesun]

¿Le dices a las personas cercanas a ti cómo te sientes realmente o tratas de enmascararlo? He conocido a 4 personas que se suicidaron en mi vida y en cada caso no tendrías idea de que estaban luchando tanto. Exteriormente parecían estar arreglándoselas bien. Todos eran hombres, 2 por ahorcamiento, 1 saltó frente a un tren y el otro por los gases de escape del automóvil. Me estoy poniendo un poco así que esto es durante varios años. Las personas que conozco que han hablado sobre sus luchas todavía están aquí. Creo que demuestra que realmente necesitas hablar, si puedes. Y también si tienes un amigo que se queda callado, o de repente parece estar bien, puede estar en problemas. Creo que la gente se calla si está determinada para que nadie pueda disuadirla. Creo que muchos de nosotros queremos que nos detengan, incluso si no nos damos cuenta, eso probablemente significa que no estás listo. No sé, ¡realmente es un campo minado!

A couple of days ago I tried to talk to a couple of friends about this very thing, but I really feel like I will never be able to talk calmly with them.