Discussion Do I need to resume my medication

[lifelover0037]

Recently, my delusions and paranoia have been very severe. In my worldview, family ties are nothing but a blood relationship that throws everyone into a gladiatorial arena. As long as no one dies, this kind of moral coercion passed down from generation to generation will never end. As for other emotional relationships, they are all based on interests. I don't believe in care, because comfort and sympathy are 100% condescending. Even if it's said to come from the heart, it's just to make oneself feel morally satisfied by saying some nice words. In the end, the world is full of malice, so much so that every time I wake up from abuse, I see passers-by lunging at me on the street. The whole world is my enemy, and I'm in great pain. So much so that I have to carry a knife with me every day for self-defense. If I don't hate everything with extreme hatred, I don't even know how to live. I was originally taking paliperidone and valproic acid, but the side effects were too great, so I had to stop taking them. I'm very conflicted about whether to resume medication. Taking drugs can indeed solve some problems, but I don't want to suffer from side effects again. What should I do

 

[concession]

I am in no fucking position to give you any advice, I can not even imagine what are you going through, but may I ask why don`t you consult this with a qualified professional that has perscribed you this drugs? I think that is the best advice you can possibly get, however shitty it may sound.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Recently, my delusions and paranoia have been very severe. In my worldview, family ties are nothing but a blood relationship that throws everyone into a gladiatorial arena. As long as no one dies, this kind of moral coercion passed down from generation to generation will never end. As for other emotional relationships, they are all based on interests. I don't believe in care, because comfort and sympathy are 100% condescending. Even if it's said to come from the heart, it's just to make oneself feel morally satisfied by saying some nice words. In the end, the world is full of malice, so much so that every time I wake up from abuse, I see passers-by lunging at me on the street. The whole world is my enemy, and I'm in great pain. So much so that I have to carry a knife with me every day for self-defense. If I don't hate everything with extreme hatred, I don't even know how to live. I was originally taking paliperidone and valproic acid, but the side effects were too great, so I had to stop taking them. I'm very conflicted about whether to resume medication. Taking drugs can indeed solve some problems, but I don't want to suffer from side effects again. What should I do

This sounds so exhausting for you and I'm sorry. Do you mind sharing what side effects your're having? Depakote should never be stopped immediately because those side effects I promise you aren't pleasant. You need the other medicine because if you continue not taking it your're going to increase the delusions and paranoia. The medicine will unfortunately never cure you and you still will have episodes. Are you able to call your doctor and ask for a depakote level blood draw? You need that lab to make sure you're at a good range. Also, can you stay in the house when you are afraid of going outside? I don't think you carrying a knife around outside is safe for you or others. If you're afraid, it's ok, play it safe and stay inside and rest. How are you feeling now? Have you eaten anything today? Do you currently feel safe right now?