do i need to deserve it?

[Hibiki]

i know a common thing we beat ourselves up over is the idea that we don't deserve certain things: love, happiness, even our own lives. it's definitely the main reason i'm suicidal, as i feel like i'm, at the very least, inconveniencing, and at the very most, ruining, others' lives simply by breathing or taking up space. this world was not made for me to live in, and i deserve to leave it.

but i guess i woke up this morning with an epiphany. just because i don't deserve to have something doesn't necessarily mean i need to give it up. maybe it's hard to believe that i could indeed deserve things like happiness, when that's typically the solution—to rework the way you think and convince yourself that you are in fact deserving. maybe instead i can acknowledge the fact that worthless scum like me doesn't deserve the privilege of life... and accept it anyway...?

perhaps this is what people mean when they say spite pushes them to keep going. in spite of the world, i will take whatever it offers me, and be a spoiled girl in search of happiness...



source: amonitto on gelbooru; twitter link is also attached

 

[NutOrat]

No-one deserves anything, because the concept of "deserving" something is a human-made. Someone, generations upon generations prior, has planted these ideas of who's worthy and deserving, who's graced, and who's not. Generation later, people around you plant these thoughts in your head every day. Fuck that noise. I'm tired of feeling guilty for everything.

 

[swankysoup]

No-one deserves anything, because the concept of "deserving" something is a human-made. Someone, generations upon generations prior, has planted these ideas of who's worthy and deserving, who's graced, and who's not. Generation later, people around you plant these thoughts in your head every day. Fuck that noise. I'm tired of feeling guilty for everything.

I've seen horrible people deserving of horrible things, but nothing happened. So it seems stupid for me to feel bad about anything at this point.