NSFW Do I just do it

[zooweee]

I am a perpetrator of cocsa when I was ten or eleven years old (I'm 18 now) didn't do it for reasons of pleasure but out of curiosity but that doesn't excuse it at all. I touched two people in their sleep and one was way younger than me. I have a loving family and good friends but since this is part of my past I literally can not move on normally. I try to spend my time being a kind and respectful person now. It's also hard because my autism and OCD makes me keep thinking about it until I can't think of anything else, but it's deserved because of how bad that is.

But nothing erases the shame and guilt and disgust I feel constantly. I feel inhuman compared to the rest of the world. I don't deserve help. Should I just CBT at this point. I don't have any memory of being a victim as a kid only that I would watch porn and knew way too much and was scared my body wasn't normal. But there's no excuse. I know you probably all think I'm disgusting and deserve to die too.

 

[larvicide]

I encourage you to try and find some peace with it. you knew what you did was wrong, and if you dont do it again and express remorse, i think you should allow yourself to move on or atleast have it not haunt you so much

 

[itsgone2]

Have you spoken to anyone about it?
They may be able to help you come to terms with it this.

 

[madameviolette]

Cocsa ?

 

[zooweee]

Cocsa ?

Child on child sexual assault

 

[Nightfoot]

No one can tell how whether you should CTB. That's a decision only you can make. I would say that if you're looking back at what you did with guilt and you're trying to be a good person that is a positive. Also, children are naturally curious and not fully developed as far as knowing right from wrong. Of course, that's different than a teenager touching children in their sleep, Even if that is your case the fact that you are remorseful is a positive and that you know right from wrong. Go easy on yourself, guilt doesn't have to be carried forever, especially if you were also a child when it happened. If you still have those desires, therapy might be a better option than CTB.

 

[zooweee]

I am a perpetrator of cocsa when I was ten or eleven years old (I'm 18 now) didn't do it for reasons of pleasure but out of curiosity but that doesn't excuse it at all. I touched two people in their sleep and one was way younger than me. I have a loving family and good friends but since this is part of my past I literally can not move on normally. I try to spend my time being a kind and respectful person now. It's also hard because my autism and OCD makes me keep thinking about it until I can't think of anything else, but it's deserved because of how bad that is.

But nothing erases the shame and guilt and disgust I feel constantly. I feel inhuman compared to the rest of the world. I don't deserve help. Should I just CBT at this point. I don't have any memory of being a victim as a kid only that I would watch porn and knew way too much and was scared my body wasn't normal. But there's no excuse. I know you probably all think I'm disgusting and deserve to die too.

I just feel like there's no redemption and people probably want me to die if they knew anyways

 

[rs929]

I don't know where you live but ten years olds don't go to jail here, even if they murdered someone.
I think that is for a reason, you really didn't know what you were doing or the consequences. You can't be judged like a grown up.
Is this your OCD looking for reassurance that you aren't a bad guy?