Do I ctb rn

[MidnightDream]

Torn between

Ctb rn

Call crisis line

Make pasta and self harm

I wanna ctb bad but I don't have access to SN bc stupid UK and I'm too cared of other methods. Can't exactly overdose on paracetmol and rennies

 

[latinoamericanboy]

That's rough i understand that feeling of not even having a good way to go when you are suffering the most

 

[September Salt]

I say you should call the crisis line. It's anonymous, right? You're in a bad place right now and shouldn't do anything impulsive.

 

[hiddenbpd]

If the crisis line is even a thought in your head, it means you're not 100% sure about CTB. Only you can make the decision that's right for yourself, but to me, the sole fact that you're indecisive means there's part of you that doesn't want to die.

 

[MidnightDream]

That's rough i understand that feeling of not even having a good way to go when you are suffering the most

Right?? I keep telling myself I'm gonna order SN but I simply don't have the money for IC

I say you should call the crisis line. It's anonymous, right? You're in a bad place right now and shouldn't do anything impulsive.

I think so.. I'm known to them, but I'm scared they'll section me

If the crisis line is even a thought in your head, it means you're not 100% sure about CTB. Only you can make the decision that's right for yourself, but to me, the sole fact that you're indecisive means there's part of you that doesn't want to die.

No I agree. There's 2 me's. One that focused on ctb at all costs the other Thats trying to survive. Not sure who'll win

 

[TydalWave]

Hi. Just wanted to say I've been in that moment before, and in retrospect wanted to give some advice that may not be the most intuitive.

Most importantly, don't CTB without planning. It can only put you in harms way. The odds of it working are slim as the vast majority of overdoses and suicide attempts fail. You will end up in pain and mentally scarred. Don't even try it. Plan it and you can get what you need in a short time with proper planning.

Secondly, and I know this may be controversial, but don't call the suicide line unless you know how to talk to them when you do OR you are specifically asking for someone to help you not die. Those resources are there for those who want to live but need help and if you want to die and dont want help then it may make it harder for you to properly plan your escape. Saying your suicidal, you will need to eventually convince them you have been helped by whatever they say regardless of it actually helping. Otherwise they are obligated to call authorities if you are at risk and you can also end up in a worse place then you are now, at a mental institution proving your sanity.

I personally believe you are not insane for wanting to die, or feeling that way. If you want help then call. But if you don't want help I advise against all three options. If you had to pick one, regrettably I'd choose #3. If you are set on dying anyways and self harm is all that helps you now, atleast it doesn't deter you later. However it can really make it harder for you to recover if you do change your mind and the scars are a constant reminder of your pain, coming from personal experience and regrets...

Wish you all the peace and love.

 

[MidnightDream]

Hi. Just wanted to say I've been in that moment before, and in retrospect wanted to give some advice that may not be the most intuitive.

Most importantly, don't CTB without planning. It can only put you in harms way. The odds of it working are slim as the vast majority of overdoses and suicide attempts fail. You will end up in pain and mentally scarred. Don't even try it. Plan it and you can get what you need in a short time with proper planning.

Secondly, and I know this may be controversial, but don't call the suicide line unless you know how to talk to them when you do OR you are specifically asking for someone to help you not die. Those resources are there for those who want to live but need help and if you want to die and dont want help then it may make it harder for you to properly plan your escape. Saying your suicidal, you will need to eventually convince them you have been helped by whatever they say regardless of it actually helping. Otherwise they are obligated to call authorities if you are at risk and you can also end up in a worse place then you are now, at a mental institution proving your sanity.

I personally believe you are not insane for wanting to die, or feeling that way. If you want help then call. But if you don't want help I advise against all three options. If you had to pick one, regrettably I'd choose #3. If you are set on dying anyways and self harm is all that helps you now, atleast it doesn't deter you later. However it can really make it harder for you to recover if you do chwmfe your mind and the scars are a constant reminder of your pain, coming from personal experience and regrets.

I don't even know what I want. I don't even think I care. I just don't wanna *be* anymore yk? Whether thats death or psych ward, I don't even think I car e

 

[TydalWave]

I don't even know what I want. I don't even think I care. I just don't wanna *be* anymore yk? Whether thats death or psych ward, I don't even think I car e

Do the minimum you need to do to get yourself through tomorrow then. If you can get to tomorrow by talking it through with one of us then do it. CTB is a decision that should be made over time. Which fucking sucks. Because these moments suck the life out of you. But it needs to be that way.

 

[hiddenbpd]

No I agree. There's 2 me's. One that focused on ctb at all costs the other Thats trying to survive. Not sure who'll win

I relate to this. I've been spending my days this last week having my mind argue against itself, for ctb and to live. It's confusing to have such conflicting ideas.

 

[MidnightDream]

Got into an argument with someone on the crisis line and now I'm off to the emergency room. I'm too fucked to care