Discussion Do having attachments mean I want to live?

[Naz667]

So i've had suicidal thoughts for longer than I can remember. Either I was fucked from the get go, or just something mentally about the sanctity of life wasn't properly instilled within me. Anyway, I've been getting pretty close to my breaking point but there are a few things that have, and are still holding me back.

• The thoughts of the impact it will have on my mother and sibling
• And like a few things I still want to do (experience sex, maybe try some recreational drugs, etc)

My question is, does the fact that I have these things mean I want to live? Or that I just don't want to die.

 

[ulove88]

struggling with this too but at the time i will just shut off my brain

 

[penguinl0v3s]

It's possible to have suicidal thoughts and also want to live. The thoughts about your family sound more like guilt to me than a will to live. The thoughts about trying new things sounds like wanting to experience things, which I think is like wanting life. Maybe give those a try? Nothing stopping you, the barriers are actually lower than you'd think.

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

Yeh, why not try 'em at least. Sex and drugs can be fine. I'm certainly glad to feel like I "lived" before wanting off the ride... Oh and I can't think of an actual mental health diagnosis/reason to be "fucked from the get go" specifically with suicidal thoughts. Schizophrenia or Bipolar are closer examples of "fucked from the get go", as these can be ways, usually genetically that the brain is born "wrong". But for suicidal thoughts, especially from a youngin. I'd usually start more in the nurture side vs nature. Development, parents, upbringing, etc...

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Maybe that it's not the right time yet, to die? Atm I'm at a point of not wanting to die, but feeling I can't live like this anymore. And the only way out for me, is to die. If there are things we still want to do, we need to be alive for that, and it's worth doing while still here. We will die anyways, maybe even before we get around to end it ourselves. I'd say tick off whatever there is on the list before leaving, whichever way.

 

[Trismegistus_13]

The term for those is "protective factors." They are people or things that give us reasons to stay alive. Pets are another good protective factor. While I can't say for sure that your factors mean you want to live, I think they are very worth considering as your family at least would be affected. If you feel you still have events to experience, why not work toward experiencing them? You can always re-evaluate your desire to die later. I'm glad you're taking the time to think about the people you care about!

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think staying alive for others can be for various reasons. Some more to do with wanting to actually live more than others. So- do we want to stay because our loved ones make our lives meaningful or, better? Or, do we stay because we know our suicide will likely devastate them?

I tend to view it like- are they a support or, a tether? If it's guilt and fear over what our suicide will likely do then, it doesn't so much feel like a reason to live, only, a reason not to suicide.

As for the other things- a curiosity about sex and drugs- they are obviously life pursuits so- they do sound more like a lingering interest in life.

I suppose for me, it's not that I'm totally disinterested in life. I can still enjoy certain things. For me, it's simply that it doesn't feel worth it. But- I do feel stuck here while my Dad is still alive. That's my remaining tether here. Fear of attempting and especially failing an attempt may well trap me here though too. But- it won't be anything to do with me wanting to stay. It's all fear and obligation and avoiding guilt keeping me here.