Do any of you feel like this

[Ashpac]

You ever need someone to talk to weedoge, im here for you. Send a PM if you want. This life is a joke.

 

[weedoge]

Fuck guilt. Our rights are more important than other people choices.

I mean, they bring you here, then they MUST understand if you want to leave. It's a totally personal choice and she mustn't feel guilt for choosing this.

I know it hurts but it's important respecting such choice.

It's true, unfortunately even if we know logically that we shouldn't have to feel guilty, what we actually feel is another story. Conditioning or something I guess.

 

[Tiburcio]

It's true, unfortunately even if we know logically that we shouldn't have to feel guilty, what we actually feel is another story. Conditioning or something I guess.

Shit, that's true... Some emotions are not avoidable with logical thoughts unfortunately, but at least I hope what I've wtitten can be somewhat helpful...

 

[RacilyDank]

To be fair suicidality isn't exclusive to sadness.

No I agree, but it isn't exactly associated with happiness either.

 

[weedoge]

Shit, that's true... Some emotions are not avoidable with logical thoughts unfortunately, but at least I hope what I've wtitten can be somewhat helpful...

It's the same issue we have with survival instinct really... but it's still definitely worth thinking about, thinking about something often enough can reinforce it in your mind.

No I agree, but it isn't exactly associated with happiness either.

You know, many people who feel they've made the decision actually feel better for the last parts of their life having that sense of freedom. Edit: I wouldn't go as far to say happy for me personally, but I certainly sometimes feel relaxed listening to some really tame music just waiting for my chance. You don't have to worry about your whole future ahead of you anymore which I guess is varying for different people, my only concern now is what I might have to do over the immediate few days you know?

 

[RacilyDank]

True. In some cases it definitely was but in others there wasn't really anything they could have done differently. I read something somewhere that once a brain is bent on self termination, it sooner or later will make it happen. Obviously not every case but ever since it has become and option for me, it never was really off the table since.

I think the loved ones of those who ctb often feel it was their fault indirectly because they feel there was something they could've done. 'If only I'd...' etc. Not understanding that to someone determined to end their life there really isn't anything anyone could've done

 

[Deadinside24]

I think the loved ones of those who ctb often feel it was their fault indirectly because they feel there was something they could've done. 'If only I'd...' etc. Not understanding that to someone determined to end their life there really isn't anything anyone could've done

Spot on

 

[RacilyDank]

You know, many people who feel they've made the decision actually feel better for the last parts of their life having that sense of freedom. Edit: I wouldn't go as far to say happy for me personally, but I certainly sometimes feel relaxed listening to some really tame music just waiting for my chance. You don't have to worry about your whole future ahead of you anymore which I guess is varying for different people, my only concern now is what I might have to do over the immediate few days you know?

I can definitely relate to that. I've felt so much better for making the decision sometimes that I don't want to anymore!

 

[RacilyDank]

Actually, having ordered everything I need to go through with it has helped me a lot just knowing the option is there. It's also scared me a bit.

 

[nzdarkshark]

People keep talking about my future and how great I'll be.
They don't seem to believe I'll actually do it, ctb.
I've gotten to the point where I openly tell my councilers I want to die - they just change the subject as if talking about more 'positive' things will change my mind.
My family talk about possible things I need to stay for not even knowing I plan to leave in the future.

 

[Madrid27]

Me too

 

[bigj75]

it feels like the longer I live and try to fight the worse shit gets. I gotta ctb soon.

 

[RacilyDank]

it feels like the longer I live and try to fight the worse shit gets. I gotta ctb soon.

Have you thought about not fighting it? Counterintuitive as that sounds.

 

[bigj75]

Have you thought about not fighting it? Counterintuitive as that sounds.

yes. I've done 2 attempts. Failed them. I'm planning for the 3rd.

 

[InaccessibleHour]

Yep

My parents talk all the time like I'm gonna be staying here forever or whatever.

You're gonna find out you were DEAD wrong..

 

[RacilyDank]

yes. I've done 2 attempts. Failed them. I'm planning for the 3rd.

I mean not fight what it is that makes you feel like catching the bus?

I'm not encouraging you

 

[Shay]

yes. I've done 2 attempts. Failed them. I'm planning for the 3rd.

What methods did you use

 

[bigj75]

I mean not fight what it is that makes you feel like catching the bus?

I'm not encouraging you

my depression and health is getting so bad I can't function properly anymore.

 

[bigj75]

What methods did you use

hanging and gun.

 

[Shay]

hanging and gun.

What went wrong? I'm trying to learn from others so I can get it right

 

[bigj75]

What went wrong? I'm trying to learn from others so I can get it right

I tried to use my belt for suicide. I panicked couldn't go through with it. Then my dad found me with my gun right before I ctb . Bad timing. To the gun away.

 

[RacilyDank]

my depression and health is getting so bad I can't function properly anymore.

I know how you feel. Many people think depression is just feeling really sad, but it's much more than that. I can function feeling sad but my depression has rendered me useless. I've lost my job because of it

 

[throwaway123]

I know how you feel. Many people think depression is just feeling really sad, but it's much more than that. I can function feeling sad but my depression has rendered me useless. I've lost my job because of it

I'm trying not to make any future plans or commitments so when I'm with friends and they talk about doing something I reply with that sounds good or maybe.

"with friends" lol. If they really cared about you they would've noticed how you feel.

 

[RacilyDank]

"with friends" lol. If they really cared about you they would've noticed how you feel.

Not necessarily. Many of us are able to project feeling normal (whatever that means) around friends.

Also many people may know that you're not doing well but not think that you're actively suicidal.

 

[throwaway123]

Not necessarily. Many of us are able to project feeling normal (whatever that means) around friends.

Also many people may know that you're not doing well but not think that you're actively suicidal.

yea sure but I'm not projecting to feel normal at all. I don't hide it anymore and to be honest I can't. I'm so tired. Tired of it all

 

[RacilyDank]

yea sure but I'm not projecting to feel normal at all. I don't hide it anymore and to be honest I can't. I'm so tired. Tired of it all

I feel you. Sorry you have shit friends

 

[throwaway123]

I feel you. Sorry you have shit friends

I don't have any friends at all :( I used to have fake friends.

 

[RM5998]

You know, many people who feel they've made the decision actually feel better for the last parts of their life having that sense of freedom. Edit: I wouldn't go as far to say happy for me personally, but I certainly sometimes feel relaxed listening to some really tame music just waiting for my chance. You don't have to worry about your whole future ahead of you anymore which I guess is varying for different people, my only concern now is what I might have to do over the immediate few days you know?

Somewhat similar situation for me here. I've come to terms with dying sometime in the next 5 years, hopefully before the year ends. There's this odd sense of peace in knowing that my grades don't matter much, since even if I live through college there isn't much of it left. The last 4 years seem to have come and gone way too fast, like a dream. It's almost as if I'm moving at some relativistic speed and time just moves by faster for me. If the next 5 are anything like it, it'll feel like a long trip to the mountains.