Venting dissociation, DID, feeling… new?

[synthcadia]

something that happens with DID are splits or merges between alters.

i don't know when but i guess i split at some point last year. i'm looking through old messages and…. none of it feels like "me," or that i did this or i wrote this. and it's hard to convey this to people who don't know.

and then i'm asked why i don't remember and i just use ADHD. but i don't remember.

and i feel sad because i can't really hear the alters. they are there, but i feel separated from them.

i need to figure out how to not feel separated from them.

and it feels… kinda meh since the alters fully understand what's going on.

 

[Aisley]

The alters are in place for a reason. If you can't access things, they're doing it for the best, and unlike other people, these are forms of consciousness you can trust. So I'm not just stringing platitudes here. Actually trust them. Trust yourself. Adhd is a good excuse, btw. I don't have this "disorder" but I have something similar, and everyone I know, knows I have short term and long term memory loss. They accept it. I offer them no other option.

 

[synthcadia]

thanks aisley. i do need to trust them more. i think i am so afraid to lose gaps of time and be confused that i may have pushed them away.

…i miss them. i want like 3 of them here with me specifically.

and thanks, i've been told so often not to use ADHD as an excuse that i feel guilty when i do use it. ;;