I have multiple horrible conditions that make you wish you were dead. But they haven't killed me they have instead destroyed every thing I am. I look relatively normal and not too unwell most the time which is now a bit of a curse as you aren't taken seriously. I think these horrific conditions will just torture me more and not kill me without severe hell on earth for some time. I would swap this with terminal cancer in a heartbeat. I've had a perforated bowel and sepsis and been in hell on earth many times, completely non functioning. But the suffering was so severe for me that I did everything to escape it and that meant hospital treatment. The utter cruelty of my situation and those with severe mental torture is just so cruel. There is no one holding your hand helping you along your way. There are no specialist nurses coming to support you, nothing. It's horrible