M
moshimoshi
♪
- Apr 6, 2024
- 749
Ive been addicted to diphenhydramine on and off for the past year. Its definitely a psychological opposed to a physical addiction. It might be weird but if i take 5-7 of them at a time it distracts me from all of my horrible thoughts for a while, it makes me feel floaty. I like feeling myself losing cognitive functions and not being able to think clearly, when my movements are delayed and i have a hard time typing anything that makes sense. i even like when i start getting super shaky. The only thing i dont like is when i feel like passing out but i cant because im wide awake for some reason, that part sucks a lot. but no matter how bad im feeling it distracts me, which makes it incredibly tempting. I know this is probably very unhealthy and could have long term consequences but its so hard to stop. The most ive taken is 18, I was barely able to talk or move, my eyes were constantly widened and my heart beats were going crazy fast. which triggered me to call the ambulance because i wasnt trying to ctb at that moment and i ended up spending a week in inpatient. I feel so horrible because I called my best friend at the time after I overdosed because i was rlly scared and i think it traumatized them. god i hate myself. why cant i just be fucking normal. why do i ruin everything around me. i feel so fucking lonley. i miss the good times, the warm times the times i felt okay. i miss my best friend. they were the only person ive ever been 1000% percent myself around. i miss them so bad. i really want to die but i know i dont have it in me right now and honestly im not ready.