Discussion Did you predict you'd be in this state?

[Forgotten]

Not at all. I never imagined that this would be my fate. 10 years ago I could never understand why someone would want to CTB, now I can fully comprehend why.
A decade ago I was fine, then depression hit me and now it's like I'm living a nightmare that never ends.

 

[stevepwn]

10 years ago, did you think you'd be suicidal?
I didn't. I though I was going to be a researcher, figuring stuff out.
I really missed the mark there.
I never knew I'd be this sorry mess. I thought things were going to work out in the end.

No but i knew my future wasn't going to be good since i had tons of anxiety. about 3 years ago is when it hit me that my whole life was a lie and i had a lot of broken pieces and problems.

 

[NextSummer]

No. Two years ago I had the best time of my life. Then I got mental health problems and everything was ruined.

 

[Fedrea]

10 years ago, did you think you'd be suicidal?
I didn't. I though I was going to be a researcher, figuring stuff out.
I really missed the mark there.
I never knew I'd be this sorry mess. I thought things were going to work out in the end.

My god never. I loved life. I had zero understanding of depression

 

[Rue89]

Ten years ago was when I started thinking about suicide. That was freshman year of high school. I was depressed, had bad anxiety, new school, bullied, no friends, and I didn't really see a future for me. Before that I never really saw my life going anywhere, but I hadn't considered suicide. I just saw a big blank unknown in front of me. Now I think death is my only future.

 

[timeisnigh]

My god never. I loved life. I had zero understanding of depression

Pride goeth before destruction: and the spirit is lifted up before a fall.

 

[Superdeterminist]

No way, it crept up on me gradually, starting from about age 18. When I saw unhappy people I could never understand them, they frightened me.

 

[madbananas]

I didn't think I'd still be suicidal. Was 11 when it started and I figured leaving high school would change things. Sadly it hasn't and the multitude of trauma has had a lasting effect.

 

[Fedrea]

Pride goeth before destruction: and the spirit is lifted up before a fall.

I wasn't overly proud! Had plenty of physical Illness to humble me already ten years back but had inner peace

 

[timeisnigh]

I wasn't overly proud! Had plenty of physical Illness to humble me already ten years back but had inner peace

Oh it wasn't a slam on you, but a bitter observation about life

 

[GreenTree]

No. I never thought I'd be suicidal. You just don't know what is round the corner in life. To get too this state of mind is horrific.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Definitely no. My life was quite miserable but I never actually considered suicide. It became more and more appealing as the traumatic events piled up later in life.

 

[Jbra1299]

No. 10 years ago I still had a faint hope that I could make my life work. I had made suicide attempts and was struggling, but there was still a scintilla of hope that I could have a decent career, and even a small hope that I would get married someday. Now all hope has been extinguished and there is nothing left to salvage.

15 years ago I had finished my undergrad degree at a prestigious university and was going on to a prestigious graduate program at the same university. I thought I had a bright future. (Mostly because people kept telling me so.) If I had known how badly things would turn out, I would have done the (far less prestigious) master's degree that was fully paid for. If I had done so, I would not have a great career, but I wouldn't have any debt, and I would not have aged well beyond my years fighting for a career that was never going to happen...

Dang, you had a lot of accomplishments, I'm just checking out cause I dont want to go to prison, I've already lived 60 years

 

[Mr2005]

10 years ago is when I first became suicidal so yes. There's been nothing anyone can do since. Now if you'd said 15 years ago my answer would be no or the choices I made would have been very different. I could have easily been helped then, it gives me nightmares to think about

 

[Divine Trinity]

God gave man awareness, to which men may sense their inclination within the context of nature. God gave man intellect, to which men may express the contradictions within the context of his heart. God gave man knowledge, to which men may share their experience within the context of time. God did not give man strength, to which men then fear the context in which they are born in.

Indeed of all creations, god is the cruelest of all.

 

[szinigami]

No. I was healthy then.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

I am suicidal from 12 but i was subconscious aware that i will not die from old age since elementary school. I literally tested myself how long i can hold my breath and then i made hanging rope from towels and suffocatate myself as a exercise before Real hanging. I was always sąd and melancholic. Deep down i always know that i won't be happy and that i CTB before 25 birthday.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I had faith that things would work out. I did not dare think ten years ahead and still don't. Too scary.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have never wanted to live and even when I was very young I found death to be comforting. For such a long time, I have known that I will die by suicide and I have known that there will never be anything here for me in this world. Being suicidal is who I am, and I have never imagined myself having any kind of positive future. My life will only ever be suffering.

 

[outrider567]

10 years ago, did you think you'd be suicidal?
I didn't. I though I was going to be a researcher, figuring stuff out.
I really missed the mark there.
I never knew I'd be this sorry mess. I thought things were going to work out in the end.

No, I wasn't and still am not, prepared psychologically when my girlfriend died

 

[Why Me?]

I was fucked up 10 years ago, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But I still had some hope that I could turn it around at that point. It's been a slow downward spiral.

Yup, me too...

 

[Pain In The Ass]

10 years ago, did you think you'd be suicidal?
I didn't. I though I was going to be a researcher, figuring stuff out.
I really missed the mark there.
I never knew I'd be this sorry mess. I thought things were going to work out in the end.

2 years ago I didn't see this coming. I knew some people's lives had to be 'tragedies', otherwise the idea wouldn't exist, but I didn't think mine would be.

 

[gottablast888]

just 2 years ago i was very happy and hopeful, i never understood why anyone would ctb. now i know all too well. i never imagined id die taking my own life. feel somewhat embarrassed. oh well it is what it is

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I knew deep down something was very wrong. But I was keeping it well hidden from the outside world and even myself. Did not realize how precarious things really were. Now it's all clear. A lifetime of fraudulence.

 

[RN12]

not in 100 years

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't' think I saw myself at this point where I am, but I will say that when I was around 30 (I'm 56 now) I certainly had a nagging feeling or idea in the back of my a mind, a little voice if you will, that things weren't all that good (at that time I was going through a traumatic break-up) and that things were very unlikely to get better in any meaningful way. And they haven't. I have no idea or opinions if that was a self-fulfilling prophecy or not, or even if I believe in such a thing, but from that point on things have progressively gotten worse, even taking into account some slight upward moments scattered throughout the past 26 years. The trajectory was still downward. Like half steps up and two steps down over that time. Circumstances in ones' life can just beat you down.

 

[fatefulstillness]

10 years ago I was already suicidal. It's horrible to watch things die no matter how hard you try to get out of it.

 

[rabbitlinnt10]

nope, if I didn't see this coming then I was always stupid, unrealistic, innocent and naive

 

[ikkii]

no. i had a pretty good childhood. loving family and lots of friends. it got fucked up when i went Highschool and my Dad died.

 

[roo]

when i was a kid i was convinced it was my faith to ctb ?? not sure why but ive always known thats how i would die