Hmm. I have been suicidal my whole life, one of those not-rare-enough cases of people being suicidal from early childhood, but, when I was younger it was way easier to convince myself of the "it gets better" narrative. Ten years ago I was 14 and deep in the thick of the worst abuse of my life, facing homelessness, starving, and constantly abused, and a few months later, I was developing PTSD upon escaping that life which is an absolutely horrific change to go through, the several month long depression where I was developing PTSD and started slowly experiencing those symptoms was like something out of a horror movie happening to my brain. Somehow? At that age, even going through skme of the worst suffering of my life, my brain was still managing to convince me I could get better and have hope. Now though... any sympathy is dried up. Im not strong or inspirational anymore but still badly burdened with depression, suicidal ideation, trauma, panic... it's gotten harder every single year. So. Back then, no, I wouldn't have thougjt it'd get worse. But now? I read posts from people in their 40s who report that it truly doesn't get better and it just terrifies me because I instinctually know that that's gonna be me. So... back then nah i was so naive and had somw hope left, now im devoid of it and am predicting that i wont get better from here.
