letmeseethedeath
catching the bus
- Aug 4, 2018
- 465
Hi guys, I am a 22 year old girl and I have an exasperated need for your advice. I have just registered on this site, but already I feel like a big family, the family that I do not have.
I want to stop living because it is exasperating and every day I hope it is the last, that this lousy world ends soon. I have some problems that weigh a lot on me, I hope you do not judge me. I know that in the world there are worse problems but every cross weighs on oneself. since I was 4 years old I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, which has never allowed me to live well because I do not want this body. I hate everything about my body, I always wanted to be a boy, in fact up to 11 years (just before puberty) I thought I was. so I'm homosexual. I started to suffer from depression 7 years and at 8 I was diagnosed with trichotillomania and obsessive compulsive disorder. at home I have never been well, my parents have always offended me and have always told me "you were the biggest mistake I ever did, you did not have to be born" or "people like you have to die, I'm just a serious problem for society "," if you leave home nobody will miss you, you are our shame ". all this said by a mother who does not love you and who does not accept you for who you are and by a father who was always in jail by committing crimes and beating each time he was at home.
as for my trichotillomania I currently have areas with no hair on my head and I try to hide it.
from a sexual point of view I had a girl in the past, with whom I had a relationship but soon after I had serious crises because I do not want to be a woman. so I decided to close social relations. I only have a friend with whom I go out( if everything goes well) once a month and a girl who talks to me online because she thinks I'm a boy. this thing makes me feel good, but at the same time also bad because one day he will want to see me and I can not see it because I'm not a boy. I spend my days locked in the house with my mother who offends me and tells me that I am a mentally ill, I try to ignore it by playing the playstation but I'm just wasting my life. why does the government not understand that in many cases where there is no physical disease we need euthanasia?
sorry for the outburst, I'm writing these things with tears in my eyes. I'm not even English, so forgive me.
now I ask you if you have any advice for me. I wanted to try with carbon monoxide or a gun but it's forbidden in my country.
please help me
I want to stop living because it is exasperating and every day I hope it is the last, that this lousy world ends soon. I have some problems that weigh a lot on me, I hope you do not judge me. I know that in the world there are worse problems but every cross weighs on oneself. since I was 4 years old I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria, which has never allowed me to live well because I do not want this body. I hate everything about my body, I always wanted to be a boy, in fact up to 11 years (just before puberty) I thought I was. so I'm homosexual. I started to suffer from depression 7 years and at 8 I was diagnosed with trichotillomania and obsessive compulsive disorder. at home I have never been well, my parents have always offended me and have always told me "you were the biggest mistake I ever did, you did not have to be born" or "people like you have to die, I'm just a serious problem for society "," if you leave home nobody will miss you, you are our shame ". all this said by a mother who does not love you and who does not accept you for who you are and by a father who was always in jail by committing crimes and beating each time he was at home.
as for my trichotillomania I currently have areas with no hair on my head and I try to hide it.
from a sexual point of view I had a girl in the past, with whom I had a relationship but soon after I had serious crises because I do not want to be a woman. so I decided to close social relations. I only have a friend with whom I go out( if everything goes well) once a month and a girl who talks to me online because she thinks I'm a boy. this thing makes me feel good, but at the same time also bad because one day he will want to see me and I can not see it because I'm not a boy. I spend my days locked in the house with my mother who offends me and tells me that I am a mentally ill, I try to ignore it by playing the playstation but I'm just wasting my life. why does the government not understand that in many cases where there is no physical disease we need euthanasia?
sorry for the outburst, I'm writing these things with tears in my eyes. I'm not even English, so forgive me.
now I ask you if you have any advice for me. I wanted to try with carbon monoxide or a gun but it's forbidden in my country.
please help me
