Did you ever imagine you would die by suicide?

[Hurt]

I started with suicidal ideation some years ago (adulthood). I wasnt suicidal all my life. But as days passed I get used to that idea. Became chronically suicidal. I'm at peace with my choice.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

fuck no, I was such a happy person, I remember I couldn't understand why wound someone kill themself at all... until I was drugged and my brain became sad :( and I understood it all

 

[outrider567]

fuck no, I was such a happy person, I remember I couldn't understand why wound someone kill themself at all... until I was drugged and my brain became sad :( and I understood it all

Yeah, many suggested I see a doctor and go on medication to 'fix' my grief, but no chance of that, going to a doctors office alone would depress me more, and drug use for any reason has not been part of my life, and it won't be now

 

[outatime_85]

I let my childhood be stolen by letting myself be bullied, which led me to self-medication and also led me down other roads, which had not only a detrimental effect on me but also came with its own price.

A price I am now paying for, in the form of internalized anger, anxiety, depression, undeveloped social skills, and social isolation.

As well as possible health issues, daily thoughts of suicide, negative voices and thoughts, insomnia, and when I do sleep, constant nightmares.

In response to the question, no, but as I have grown, it has become more clear that I am not long for this world.

 

[fangface]

i think my experience is similar to yours. even as a kid i had fleeting intrusive thoughts of dying in an accident or wondering if i would be the one to kill myself before anything else could.

it does feel surreal now that, at least for me, it's more than just a thought. it's going to be my reality.

 

[Drakkamora]

I've always known this to be true. I've always envisioned, for as long as I can remember, my hands creating my own death. In manic states, depressive states, normal states, states in which I'm fairly certain the world is not real (or I'm not and I'm simply outside looking in through the glass window), I feel it. I've had a couple attempts in the past. The latest I was dead for 5 minutes before my heart started again (no one knows how or why). I get beyond furious when people tell me fate has other plans or my time is not yet come. But I've spent the last few years collecting my means and preparing for my own end by my own hand, by my own choice. It's only a matter of time at this point before the inevitability happens..

 

[matt1968]

I think in childhood - which was okay in quite a few ways - I had some premonition that I'd die pushing someone else away from danger. I had a psychiatrist appointment recently where I described my state by saying that if a gunman came into the room and needed to kill one person, I'd quite happily be that person. I think it reflects a real deficit of self-love, although I have tried healthy and unhealthy ways of trying to build that.

My adult life has seen cycles of life seeming okayish with periods of depression and some kind of PTSD and suicidal thoughts. This time round I am really struggling to get out of the quagmire. So as an adult, yes, it has been a possibility.

 

[Catch-22]

I always thought I would die by suicide but I thought it would have been a long time ago. I guess I have to get myself some credit for making it this long. The pills that I've had for years are the way I planned to go but up until recently I didn't know they wouldn't actually kill me. Good thing I didn't take them because it would have only made things worse and I'd still be alive.

 

[changes]

Never, ever….

 

[FutureHanger]

prior to deciding firmly on it, hell no I thought the thoughts were temporary then I'd live a long life or if I died before old age it'd be related to climate change

 

[Seeker100]

I'd be very grateful if someone could point out a relatively painless, highly certain way of CTB - that can be easily accessible. While I can most certainly relate to these thoughts, I desperately need a solution ASAP.

I have looked through numerous resources - and have not been able to come up with a single means that does not have an unacceptable probability of winding up a vegetable or an unacceptable level of pain ... or is way too difficult to accomplish.

 

[vitbar]

Not until my teens. Not always since then either.

 

[Final_Choice]

Yes, when I was around 5 years old I saw my dad do something to my mom, then he did something to me. I can't remember exactly what, I know my mom had some bruises from that but I don't know exactly what he did to me or to my mom, but I still vividly remember the moment I saw him and the moment he realized I caught him, I was terrified and had lots of nightmares after that about hurting myself and CTBing, since then I always somewhat figured that would be how I go out but after some time I knew it was certain.

 

[DandiFynalicious]

When I was in kindergarten I developed both a belief that I would die before I reached age 18 and chronic suicidal thoughts. At the time I was so little I didn't know what it meant to want to not be alive anymore or even that I was capable of making myself die. I was afraid of the pain of dying and going to Hell was a huge concern for me until my late teens so even when I clearly wanted to kill myself I was afraid death wouldn't be the end after all.

I figured out I could kill myself in maybe first or second grade. I didn't know how but I knew it was possible. I started learning the means in the same year. I think my first idea was jumping and wondering how high up I'd need to be.

At 15 I was almost killed in a car accident. Minor brain damage for me and the depression got to a fever pitch. I was (and kind of am) convinced I was supposed to die. I tried to OD on nyquil and discovered robotripping.

By the time I was 18 I was pretty sure I would die before I was 30. I am 40 now and doing weirdly better. Part of it is because I have come to accept a lot of hard truths about myself including the ever present depression. I am in therapy. It helps.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Always. Since I was a little kid, I always fantasized about dying by suicide. I just really hope it comes true. I don't want to die any other way. I really don't. Nothing scares me more than not having the opportunity of dying on my own terms by my own hands.

 

[Gloomislost]

Sadly yes lol I first attempted at 8, planned at 12, and will commit at 18. Fun stuff but it is what it is. Can't do nothing about it.

 

[qifreys]

absolutely. as a kid, i was never able to picture myself living past my early 30s. i've also been fascinated by suicide ever since i found out that it was thing lol

 

[FrostedHoax]

I've always been somewhat disattached from this world but it wasn't until near the end of highschool when the very real possibility that I would die young by my own hand started to take over my thoughts.

 

[BlockHammer]

To be honest, at first i never imagine that i would chose suicide as my methode to leave this world, but after im seeing that my life have a little improvement,then yea. I'd imagine myself dringking poison or jumping from the highest building in my city. The only problem is that which methode is the least painful