SanguineHare
Demon Bunny Queen
- Dec 16, 2021
- 74
I grew up thinking my stepfather would kill me. Then I started to think it would be because of myself and my own actions.
In the last 15 years or more, I expected it and only wondered when it was gonna happen. The idea of living for more 50 years or something disturbs me.
I always wondered. especially since I thought it was the ultimate sin.From an early age I had a suspicion I would die young and violently. For some reason I was convinced I was going to get murdered or be killed in an accident. Suicidal thoughts were always there but it was more in the background. The past few years is when I started to become actively suicidal - like researching methods, buying materials, planning and making attempts.
Sometimes it still feels a bit surreal that I am going to die this way even though I have been longing for death for a while now. I was always intrigued by those who managed to commit suicide. Suicide was always this thing looming in the back of my mind but now that my deadline is fast approaching I am not sure how to feel about it. On one hand I feel relieved but apart of me feels resentful that I have to do this in the first place.
Did you always have a suspicion you would die by suicide? When did you first realize suicide was a real option?