did/do you have a ‘dream’?

[trist]

i came to the realization that i've never had a dream or purpose. i was happy as a child (0-13) but whenever people asked me the repetitive "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" i always replied that i didn't know yet. i still don't know and i actually don't care because to me there's no point in following a 'dream'. i also don't excel at anything. even though quite a lot of things interest me, i only scratched the surface of all those things and i have no motivation to go more in depth.

i'm curious if other people on here had a dream at one point (or still have one).

 

[orca87]

I had a dream, but it was kind of fluid. To me, the biggest part is a feeling of belonging. Relationship, platonic and romantic… there is no need to "excel" at something (in fact the majority of people doesn't). Feeling accepted doesn't come from excelling at something.

I struggled with all of this my entire life until I reached a point at which it got better and better. Actually I've had more than I ever dared to dream. Then everything fell apart. That dream now has burst for me.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I wanted to live a humble life with my lover that or either be an artist.

 

[drmihilo]

I once dreamed of becoming a first-rate biologist, then a philosopher, and then a cultural scientist. Now I dream only of my imminent death. I don't know exactly what drove me to fall so hard...

 

[orca87]

I once dreamed of becoming a first-rate biologist, then a philosopher, and then a cultural scientist. Now I dream only of my imminent death. I don't know exactly what drove me to fall so hard...

Sorry that you experience such a pain. I cannot help but to suggest that you should really find out what got you there. It helps a lot thinking clearer. You might even find a solution to get back on track. If you don't, you'll still benefit from having a clear mind to find your ctb method

 

[Darkover]

i dreamed a dream of being an indie game developer, i start taking by taking my toys to bits aged 5 and went on to learn programming age 18
i've had over 100,000 downloads on my software and made 10k plus but i got depressed and addicted to weed and listening to loud music with headphones on then i got a brain injury from the headphones of all things now i can't program to save my life for seven long years now i've been wanting to die everyday

 

[trist]

i dreamed a dream of being an indie game developer, i start taking by taking my toys to bits aged 5 and went on to learn programming age 18
i've had over 100,000 downloads on my software and made 10k plus but i got depressed and addicted to weed and listening to loud music with headphones on then i got a brain injury from the headphones of all things now i can't program to save my life for seven long years now i've been wanting to die everyday

View attachment 107310

that sounds like a cool dream, i'm sorry it turned out the way it did.

 

[corazon]

My original dream was to become a successful author. I remember telling my teachers in school to look out for my names on the shelves. That was before my self-esteem hit the floor and I lost all motivation. I voted that I currently have a dream, but instead of the socially acceptable dream of writing, it's been replaced with my dream of achieving a peaceful exit. Definitely less popular with any person I meet in real life lmao

Unlike my older dreams, I feel comfortable that I can make it a reality, and it makes me happy thinking about it more than anything else once did.

 

[aubrey!]

the only dream i have is to be happy, find true love, and have lots of money to buy me the other things i want in life.

that's a dream though. i feel like we're talking life goals or life purpose here.
i never set goals, just went about life. eventually school pesters you about them, and doesn't stop, and i have never felt so annoyed.

i've had a few small forgotten goals, but eventually i learned that setting goals is a terrible idea. set expectations for yourself, and if you can't meet them in a timely manner or at all, you've failed. it's literally begging for disaster. life goals are even worse and more crushing than that, lmao. so these days, no goals for ruru. i just live my life, night by night.

 

[phantomime]

I actually never had a dream as a kid or growing up. Only recently. I've always wanted to learn animation but I wouldn't call it a "dream". Now, my dream is to animate a music video for my reason to live, Mori Calliope/DEMONDICE. She makes music and animates some music videos herself. I'd love to animate one for her.

 

[Noise]

Yes, to sit among other primates in the wild. Perhaps this will make a good CTB method in and of itself, killing two birds with one stone.

 

[outrider567]

I fulfilled my dreams years ago--But since her death, any other dreams that I might have had, died along with her---There's nothing left to wish for

 

[FuneralCry]

My only dream has always been to permanently cease existing. I've never wished for anything to do with existence at all, existing doesn't appeal to me or interest me in any way. There is no value to being trapped in the futile process that is life, life is just a way to cause people to suffer so unnecessarily. Only death is what could solve the true problem for me which is life in itself.

 

[Borgrot]

I have had many dreams, from music to writing, and I've never been good enough to do any of them. I've never been smart enough, bold enough, devoted enough, or talented enough to achieve even a small part of any of them. I would love to write - but it'll never be. I'm not good enough, my writing is not good enough, and I hate everything I've ever created.

The only work of fiction I've ever managed to create is my life and I loathe that too.

 

[NierAutomataMyLove]

When I was young I wanted to do illustrations for books and novels. I kinda gave up on ever becoming an illustrator with time because of my depression, I just hate all my art I've drawn over the years.

 

[TheSadStranger]

i came to the realization that i've never had a dream or purpose. i was happy as a child (0-13) but whenever people asked me the repetitive "what do you wanna be when you grow up?" i always replied that i didn't know yet. i still don't know and i actually don't care because to me there's no point in following a 'dream'. i also don't excel at anything. even though quite a lot of things interest me, i only scratched the surface of all those things and i have no motivation to go more in depth.

i'm curious if other people on here had a dream at one point (or still have one).

I had one not that long ago. It was only last year. However I wasn't destined to have a happy ending. The only happy moments of my life ~9 months came to an end. I have come to acceptance I will die somewhere between now and the next 13 months, but sometimes I have dreams about what it would have been like if I got a happy ending to my story. I just wish that all of my suffering and my struggles would have paid off for a lasting happy ending. I am satisfied that I did get to experience happiness at all though. My life would have been meaningless if I hadn't.

 

[Archness]

Your OP could describe myself quite well. Happy as a child, not knowing what to grow up as, having an interest in a variety of things but could only scratch the surface.

Though there was a point where I did have a dream, I wanted to be an author. However, I'm mid at best and have problems deciding just what to write. With my habit to stop projects right after starting it, having nothing to show, and convincing myself it was a "bad idea from the start", I started losing that one true passion. Not to mention it's not profitable unless you mass-produce trash for the masses, or you're a very high-teir author; Even before considering my own person, it's just not realistic.

Perhaps I could do other things, but I don't feel that it matters like writing does. The closest thing would be making games, though it's more "The idea of..." then actually doing that, I hate coding and the process of it. Meanwhile every step of writing is somewhat enjoyable (apart from the short time checking spelling/grammar).

 

[Spaztism]

Ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to be a game developer. Been told I would get no where because Asperger's syndrome and difficulty spelling. Those people were both right and wrong. I have a degree in art that I got from finishing university but after going through mental health shit and trying to ctb I have 0 desire for it. I did end up becoming a music artist randomly and that could become promising but with my family being anti art, hating on nondivergent people and telling me I need to switch from a part time shitty corporate job to a full time one. I no longer care and they wonder why I'm demotivated all the time . Can't see it being too long till I make a thread.

 

[trist]

Ever since I was a kid I've always wanted to be a game developer. Been told I would get no where because Asperger's syndrome and difficulty spelling. Those people were both right and wrong. I have a degree in art that I got from finishing university but after going through mental health shit and trying to ctb I have 0 desire for it. I did end up becoming a music artist randomly and that could become promising but with my family being anti art, hating on nondivergent people and telling me I need to switch from a part time shitty corporate job to a full time one. I no longer care and they wonder why I'm demotivated all the time . Can't see it being too long till I make a thread.

i'm sorry to hear that, it really sucks to have your dreams crushed like that. my younger sister wants to pursue a degree in art but my family is also against it. i'm gonna try to convince my parents to let her do what she wants before i die.

 

[cogmachine]

graphic designer (not knowing at the time that the word i was looking for was "illustrator"). sadly the future for any artistic endeavor seems generally muddy or hopeless, or maybe that's just the result of bleak view on life. can only think of having a dream of a peaceful end, and being forgotten afterwards (all traces of existing gone).

 

[borderline-feline]

I dream of being an artist and a beautiful bride. I wish I could give up on them since I'll never be either.

 

[kmycluisfe]

I dream of living from drawing or video games

 

[scar]

i dont think this is exactly my dream but i wanted to be an artist. thats all im really "good" at so i wanted to continue and hopefully be known for my art. i still draw but its obviously not going anywhere

i also wanted to make music but thats too much to learn.

 

[nonentity]

When I was a child, I dreamed of being an ice cream truck driver (so silly) or a musician. One was a little kid wishing for unlimited ice cream, the other was just something that was never nourished.

When I got older, I always dreamed of being a concept artist for video games. Then that passion just died out due to not having the talent for it when compared to my peers.

Now, I have no dream. I don't know what I want to do with my life, or where to go other than CTB. I'm hoping that maybe one day I'll gain purpose. For now, I'm forced to live by not my choice, but others.

 

[Saai]

I have several dreams actually. None of which will ever become a reality. Some deu to my own ineptitude and others deu to the nature of life itself.

I think I'll have dreams up until the day I CTB. They're actually just reminders why I hate living.

 

[NeedCourage]

I've always had dreams of being an artist or a writer, I've never pursued writing seriously but I went to school so I could get a graphic design job. Due to many factors, mostly self made, I didn't get a job after school like I planned. I've been trying to go back to school, but I think my anxiety and depression is slowly destroying my motivation and I'll probably give up on it. It's what always happens.

 

[CentreMid]

My tired and stupid brain read your title as "do you dream?", as in, sleepy dreams, and I got super confused as to your poll options lol

On a more serious note, I had so many hope and aspirations growing up. I still have a few now, but they're much different from what I'd thought of growing up. I used to dream of being a rockstar in a famous rock band as a kid, but nowadays my dream is to have a place with my partner and hopefully get married one day if I live long enough for it

 

[greywings]

I've had some. Some I kind of made up in response to social expectations. Some were fairly ambitious responses to wanting to make certain at least one kid got the kind of supported childhood that would have made things a lot better for me growing up, or making the world better some other way.

I think the me from some years ago thought it'd be lovely to translate old texts, or work in data/physical preservation. Maybe even being able to turn art into a job, or learning to code to make some fantastic little programs.

Right now I fantasize a bit about having a quiet, wfh data entry job with a modest, one bed room apartment to myself, decent internet, close enough to an entertainment center that even the me who didn't really leave the house more than a few times a year pre-covid could feel motivated enough to do so. Some other times I think about moving in with some other friends, settling overseas, being able to have someone to cook for or split chores with, whose presence would help me feel motivated to conduct other self-care, and who I wasn't afraid of being near.