Help Did anyone else drop off from society years ago? Help

[katara]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one because it seems like most people here are able to function. I want to know if anyone understands this. So basically my mom moved us here because it's cheap, cheap as in we don't have to pay for water because we have well water and it's boring as hell and also hot as hell. So after moving here I basically just stopped going to school slowly and then gave up. I never thought I'd get to this point where it's been years and I have done nothing. I don't see any of my family anymore and I don't have any hobbies, money, never got my license. I don't even have my i.d so technically I don't even exist which is weird to say.
I didn't end up this way bc I wanted to, it just happened somehow. People cut me off because of this. I am scared that I have no guidance anytime I have tried reaching out and Im stuck.
I wanted to at least get some kind of online job to save up to get out of here bc everyday it's hell, literally…
but I'm constantly fatigued like an anorexic or elderly person. Everything just seems so hard. I have no skills and I have very low self esteem and I hate being like this it just feels impossible to change. I want to do something before I die, but everyday has been a struggle. Sometimes I barely eat. I don't like cooking. I don't like doing anything really. I know realistically people in my place die tragically bc there's no help available. I guess maybe that's my fear, I don't want to die tragically but with purpose or at least without all this pain and stress and anger and regret. I don't want my mom to find my body either because she's been very unhelpful to my life.
I'm hoping someone will understand something I've said here, thanks for reading this.

I didn't graduate high school so I'm sorry if this was worded poorly.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

Well I have a job but I only work 3 days a week. Any more than that and I progressively lose my mind. More often than not I just quietly do my job and leave. I go to the grocery store sometimes. I feel like a complete alien out in public and spend a majority of my time in my room. I used to be more social about a year ago but I live in the middle of nowhere and I'm in a situation where I can only drive when its absolutely necessary so I am heavily isolated now. So I may not have completely disappeared from society but I am barely hanging on.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I read your post in it's entirety. I think sometimes we are dealing with so much and afraid we are the only ones dealing with these issues and we often feel alone. Of course, it doesn't make us to feel better that someone is dealing with issues like us, it's just nice to have someone say, "I understand."

Although, we don't share the exact situations, I also feel exactly the same! I'm not sure what advice I can give you, I can't help myself. Some stuff you can do to pass time would be to read some books, try to find a hobby, and if you can, try to find someone close to where you live. Living in this world is definitely difficult, but having someone to spend time with helps the time go faster. I hope you can find someone to help you through all of this.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I dropped out many many years ago
I certainly cannot function in this purgatory

 

[katara]

I read your post in it's entirety. I think sometimes we are dealing with so much and afraid we are the only ones dealing with these issues and we often feel alone. Of course, it doesn't make us to feel better that someone is dealing with issues like us, it's just nice to have someone say, "I understand."

Although, we don't share the exact situations, I also feel exactly the same! I'm not sure what advice I can give you, I can't help myself. Some stuff you can do to pass time would be to read some books, try to find a hobby, and if you can, try to find someone close to where you live. Living in this world is definitely difficult, but having someone to spend time with helps the time go faster. I hope you can find someone to help you through all of this.

Can I ask about your situation? It's ok if you can't give me any advice because I also struggle with helping myself lol. I'd like to hear how other people get to this place because I think more ppl would end up like me if they didn't have the same resources or family members. I am hard on myself a lot but I know it's not all my fault. It just feels bad because I'm here and nobody will befriend me bc of my situation, ppl on here like in the general chat are always talking about normal things and I feel bad about myself bc I wonder why that can't be me. Why can't I have a mom that cares, why can't I have people do stuff with, why can't I go on vacation and have these things normal people have

 

[carrotzilla]

Yes, I did so exactly 10 years ago. I am a leech to my parents and still live with them. I "graduated" from college but it was an extremely useless degree. Haven't had a job in 7 years.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Well not on that level no, but antisocial as much as possible, and still survive.

 

[BrokenMindAndBody]

I'm wondering if I'm the only one because it seems like most people here are able to function. I want to know if anyone understands this. So basically my mom moved us here because it's cheap, cheap as in we don't have to pay for water because we have well water and it's boring as hell and also hot as hell. So after moving here I basically just stopped going to school slowly and then gave up. I never thought I'd get to this point where it's been years and I have done nothing. I don't see any of my family anymore and I don't have any hobbies, money, never got my license. I don't even have my i.d so technically I don't even exist which is weird to say.
I didn't end up this way bc I wanted to, it just happened somehow. People cut me off because of this. I am scared that I have no guidance anytime I have tried reaching out and Im stuck.
I wanted to at least get some kind of online job to save up to get out of here bc everyday it's hell, literally…
but I'm constantly fatigued like an anorexic or elderly person. Everything just seems so hard. I have no skills and I have very low self esteem and I hate being like this it just feels impossible to change. I want to do something before I die, but everyday has been a struggle. Sometimes I barely eat. I don't like cooking. I don't like doing anything really. I know realistically people in my place die tragically bc there's no help available. I guess maybe that's my fear, I don't want to die tragically but with purpose or at least without all this pain and stress and anger and regret. I don't want my mom to find my body either because she's been very unhelpful to my life.
I'm hoping someone will understand something I've said here, thanks for reading this.

I didn't graduate high school so I'm sorry if this was worded poorly.

I was in a situation like yours. I was forced to move somewhere that was pretty rural and I had no way to get out of there. I became agoraphobic and went absolutely insane. I lost all social skills that I once had. It was insane because the life I had before that was so different. I had a mom and friends and lived in a real town. When my mom died I was forced out of there by greedy boomer extended family and ended up isolated in a years-on-end abusive situation. Long story short. I finally just up and left and went homeless. I live in a city now and am no longer homeless for now. It hasn't been easy either for someone like me. I still feel like an alien. You could take a chance and do it. I wish I did it when I was young and didn't waste my life there. You have to fight becoming mentally trapped. Its not easy if you dont have any support like I did so I can't promise it won't be hard.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I was in a situation like yours. I was forced to move somewhere that was pretty rural and I had no way to get out of there. I became agoraphobic and went absolutely insane. I lost all social skills that I once had. It was insane because the life I had before that was so different. I had a mom and friends and lived in a real town. When my mom died I was forced out of there by greedy boomer extended family and ended up isolated in a years-on-end abusive situation. Long story short. I finally just up and left and went homeless. I live in a city now and am no longer homeless for now. It hasn't been easy either for someone like me. I still feel like an alien. You could take a chance and do it. I wish I did it when I was young and didn't waste my life there. You have to fight becoming mentally trapped. Its not easy if you dont have any support like I did so I can't promise it won't be hard.

Great, and courageous move. I agree.

 

[katara]

I was in a situation like yours. I was forced to move somewhere that was pretty rural and I had no way to get out of there. I became agoraphobic and went absolutely insane. I lost all social skills that I once had. It was insane because the life I had before that was so different. I had a mom and friends and lived in a real town. When my mom died I was forced out of there by greedy boomer extended family and ended up isolated in a years-on-end abusive situation. Long story short. I finally just up and left and went homeless. I live in a city now and am no longer homeless for now. It hasn't been easy either for someone like me. I still feel like an alien. You could take a chance and do it. I wish I did it when I was young and didn't waste my life there. You have to fight becoming mentally trapped. It's not easy if you dont have any support like I did so I can't promise it won't be hard.

This is pretty similar to me expect my mom is around. I have thought about being homeless for a while. I just don't really know what to do and where to go. Where did you go when you were homeless, it's something I've considered bc I just want to disappear. I have had zero help offered and I know things will just get worse because in the boomer retard part of america. I'm already so used to things, which I know is bad. I have no ability to get a job in my current state as I know I could never drive a car and the more time I'm around my mom the worse I feel, the less I feel able to do anything. I feel terrible because my body is constantly tired but I want to try doing something every day. I want to take small steps and then eventually leave because I can't just walk out today obviously. If I was smart I'd learn to Hotwire a boat and go to a marina, try it out on a boat, and get far away from here so I can at least die knowing I did something I wanted to and could be FAR AWAY from all of this. I have no prospects and I hate everyone where I live because it's mostly all old people here and they just do whatever they want and I hate them. I'm pretty sure my mom only keeps me here bc she's said many times she is scared of being put in a nursing home when she's older. I'm not sure what she even expects me to do about that when I have no degree or house. I'm not even fully suicidal it's just I have to face the reality yknow?

Sorry if this was too much I'd really like hearing about your experience and what happened to you. Thank you so much for responding to me bc I feel really alone and scared and idk where else to ask this stuff so whatever you say will help me a lot!

 

[BrokenMindAndBody]

This is pretty similar to me expect my mom is around. I have thought about being homeless for a while. I just don't really know what to do and where to go. Where did you go when you were homeless, it's something I've considered bc I just want to disappear. I have had zero help offered and I know things will just get worse because in the boomer retard part of america. I'm already so used to things, which I know is bad. I have no ability to get a job in my current state as I know I could never drive a car and the more time I'm around my mom the worse I feel, the less I feel able to do anything. I feel terrible because my body is constantly tired but I want to try doing something every day. I want to take small steps and then eventually leave because I can't just walk out today obviously. If I was smart I'd learn to Hotwire a boat and go to a marina, try it out on a boat, and get far away from here so I can at least die knowing I did something I wanted to and could be FAR AWAY from all of this. I have no prospects and I hate everyone where I live because it's mostly all old people here and they just do whatever they want and I hate them. I'm pretty sure my mom only keeps me here bc she's said many times she is scared of being put in a nursing home when she's older. I'm not sure what she even expects me to do about that when I have no degree or house. I'm not even fully suicidal it's just I have to face the reality yknow?

Sorry if this was too much I'd really like hearing about your experience and what happened to you. Thank you so much for responding to me bc I feel really alone and scared and idk where else to ask this stuff so whatever you say will help me a lot!

There's no easy answer. I made A LOT of mistakes because remember I lost all social skills and had to relearn them. Plus, I'm autistic so that definitely doesn't help dealing with normies. I went to a mental hospital. Told them I was suicidal and had no where to go. And yeah they weren't much help at all. I met another patient there that was going to what is called a sober house. It's a place where people abstain from drug use and alcohol. I took a chance because it seemed like the easiest place to go without going to a homeless shelter. It sucked and there were some shit people there. But, from there I got a job and met other people there and we got an apartment. That sadly only lasted about 2 years as you gotta rely on other people to pay their portion of the bills and rent. Which I did but others fell off. Plus, this state has some pro-tenant eviction laws and the landlord also was no help. So, I couldn't just straight up kick people out. I ended up cutting my own losses and saved up a lot from working and ditched the place because I would've been saddled with A LOT of debt from deadbeats. Not long after I left everyone was evicted there. If the landlord listened to me and got everyone kicked out I might have been able to find new people and salvaged the situation. But, if you're autistic no one fucking listens to you.

From there I stayed at a rooming house essentially. It's not much better than a sober house. Still pretty unsafe. It was temporary for about 2 months after I left out of the apartment. I ended up finding a guy that has a big old house and I live on the top floor basically. I've not had too much trouble so far. The shit thing is since I had to leave out of the apartment and quit my job I haven't had a job that was as good as that since. I've gone through like 3 or 4 of them because they suck. So, I'm always living off savings and am trying to find a new job now. I enrolled in community college and have been working at going for a two year degree. I don't know if it's even the right path but it's in stuff I generally like computers. Maybe if I have a 2 year degree in something it might open up getting a better job besides restaurants. Though, who knows. I don't have many other options. It's a gamble and a chance.

So, there's no right path if you don't have much resources like I did. I ended up in a city where there is a lot of employment opportunities and schools. It's still very tough finding a job where you can be unbothered or just landing the job itself. Especially in the current market with all the problems going on. My advice would be: Don't trust anyone. Keep people at arms length. You are the only person that cares about you and you are the only person that can attempt to change your situation. It's not easy at all and I've failed at A LOT. But, I'm still trying to try at least. I wanna give up all the time. I'm alone and a loner. My ultimate goal is to get a degree and get some sort of remote job where I don't have to deal with people IRL that pays better than at least what I have been doing so I can get some sort of place by myself. I think that's the only way I can seek peace for myself. Because normies are fucking trash.

 

[katara]

I dropped out many many years ago
I certainly cannot function in this purgatory

Im so sorry to hear this. It really does feel like a form of purgatory or punishment. I feel bad, like I did something wrong. It's impossible to know where to start from again.

 

[LetMeOut67]

I'm struggling to get out of bed now , my depression is so acute.
I could get up and do things, go out etc. but I just don't want to because I view outside as horrible and people and the planet as evil.
I'm endangering my sanity. The mental health services in the UK aren't effective enough. I need help quickly and it almost looks as if I'll have to harm myself to get attention.
I see my life as a fate worse than death. In this day and age of course we're also exposed to the horrors of the world so much and also what privileges other people have that we don't.
These are additional pressures that no one needs.

 

[unluckysadness]

i'm disabled since 4 years and i have no friends, family does not live in my place, I cannot drive, anymore, I'm just like zombie. Everyday I wake up it's a nightmare. I wish I could die in my sleep. I understand you 100%

 

[leot83]

I'm struggling to get out of bed now , my depression is so acute.
I could get up and do things, go out etc. but I just don't want to because I view outside as horrible and people and the planet as evil.
I'm endangering my sanity. The mental health services in the UK aren't effective enough. I need help quickly and it almost looks as if I'll have to harm myself to get attention.
I see my life as a fate worse than death. In this day and age of course we're also exposed to the horrors of the world so much and also what privileges other people have that we don't.
These are additional pressures that no one needs.

Uk nental health system is a joke, everything handled by useless GPs.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm struggling to get out of bed now , my depression is so acute.
I could get up and do things, go out etc. but I just don't want to because I view outside as horrible and people and the planet as evil.
I'm endangering my sanity. The mental health services in the UK aren't effective enough. I need help quickly and it almost looks as if I'll have to harm myself to get attention.
I see my life as a fate worse than death. In this day and age of course we're also exposed to the horrors of the world so much and also what privileges other people have that we don't.
These are additional pressures that no one needs.

Life is so miserable for us. We really don't deserve it. Hugs to you

 

[katara]

I'm struggling to get out of bed now , my depression is so acute.
I could get up and do things, go out etc. but I just don't want to because I view outside as horrible and people and the planet as evil.
I'm endangering my sanity. The mental health services in the UK aren't effective enough. I need help quickly and it almost looks as if I'll have to harm myself to get attention.
I see my life as a fate worse than death. In this day and age of course we're also exposed to the horrors of the world so much and also what privileges other people have that we don't.
These are additional pressures that no one needs.

When I first got like this I was the same way, barely got out of bed, didn't go outside except to take out the garbage. Is there any place near you where there aren't a lot of people where you can walk around? If you ever need to talk I can tell you what I'd recommend and stuff I have done. I can tell you are struggling bc I've had these same thoughts. I'm really sorry, you don't deserve this. If you have something like telegram we can call for a while if you want to. I usually just talk to my mom a little each day and then I'm by myself all the time so I really do mean it. If you need to talk let me know

 

[katara]

i'm disabled since 4 years and i have no friends, family does not live in my place, I cannot drive, anymore, I'm just like zombie. Everyday I wake up it's a nightmare. I wish I could die in my sleep. I understand you 100%

That's the thing everyone on here doesn't get, when u get to a truly hopeless place, everyone abandons you. Some ppl will never understand this bc they have ppl who don't do that, and that's a miracle for ppl like us.

 

[tiltedcompass]

Kind of. I only go outside like, twice a month and it's only because my family forces me to do it, and I also have to be accompanied because they're aware of my mental issues.
I can't get a job (first and last one was almost 10 years ago), I'm trying to study but the process is tedious and there's no one who wants to guide me. And of course, my family sees me as a parasite and got kicked out twice (managed to stay at a friend's place though). So I guess this counts as me not being part of society.

 

[soon4good]

I've tried and tried but everything just seems hopeless and it's because of this that I've given up on life entirely. Only substance abuse really helps temporarily.

Dissociated and weightless, floating along with the winds of time hoping to catch an exit.

 

[katara]

I've tried and tried but everything just seems hopeless and it's because of this that I've given up on life entirely. Only substance abuse really helps temporarily.

Dissociated and weightless, floating along with the winds of time hoping to catch an exit.

I hear u, tired of trying. Do you use meds? I tried getting help years ago but nobody seemed to want to help me. Doctors where I live suck. I wish I had something, anything.
Even if it was just a painkiller.

 

[Kitana]

I stopped working a few years ago just got lucky leeching on my parents or past boyfriends. Also I learned to create passive income because of my last boyfriend with affiliate marketing and selling links.

The worst part is I can't find a reason in life, its hard for me to socialize and my finances went down the drain again, even though I have the knowledge now. I just can't find energy to keep up with life. I could just play video games and do nothing. My stresslevel gets over the roof super easily nowadays again. I had short highs and now I'm on my lowest for a while again, with no financial issues but just nothing to thrive for.

Now I am in a new relationship with a really great and loving guy. Still I can only think about ending myself and how I could do it without hurting others…
No matter in which situation I am, I never find light and wanna drown myself in my own emptiness.

I just hope for my partner to go on holidays with his family so I can use Pegasos for legal assisted dying. Thats my current plan. Just need to push through and secretly taking care to apply at Pegasos

 

[TAW122]

I'd go as far to say that when I was a adolescence, I dropped off of society in a sense where I just stayed in my own world and didn't really socialize (not that I would be accepted by mainstream society anyhow, not that I cared much). I had some existential dread and ponderance over the meaning of life and what not. Even if I wasn't actively suffering, I questioned the objectivity of life/existence/sentience (before I discovered the term, 'euthanasia') and couldn't find an objective reason for why/what life was, other than just 'I am' or that one exists because they are. So in a sense, during adulthood I've already cut off myself from most of society and trying to be like a normie, only going through the motions of existence for obvious reasons and I didn't find existence worthwhile at all.

In all honesty, I don't really have much of a social life in adulthood and few, if any real friends. I also think about CTB quite oftenly and partly still exist here sadly due to lack of means and circumstances to exit suffering. I'm sure the right conditions, triggers, and pushes, I would just go without too much of a fuss.

 

[katara]

I stopped working a few years ago just got lucky leeching on my parents or past boyfriends. Also I learned to create passive income because of my last boyfriend with affiliate marketing and selling links.

The worst part is I can't find a reason in life, its hard for me to socialize and my finances went down the drain again, even though I have the knowledge now. I just can't find energy to keep up with life. I could just play video games and do nothing. My stresslevel gets over the roof super easily nowadays again. I had short highs and now I'm on my lowest for a while again, with no financial issues but just nothing to thrive for.

Now I am in a new relationship with a really great and loving guy. Still I can only think about ending myself and how I could do it without hurting others…
No matter in which situation I am, I never find light and wanna drown myself in my own emptiness.

I just hope for my partner to go on holidays with his family so I can use Pegasos for legal assisted dying. Thats my current plan. Just need to push through and secretly taking care to apply at Pegasos

Ya sometimes I just wish I had a rich boyfriend or someone to live with and I could buy new video games and just distract myself. I never buy anything, I never go out, I never really do anything.

 

[soon4good]

I hear u, tired of trying. Do you use meds? I tried getting help years ago but nobody seemed to want to help me. Doctors where I live suck. I wish I had something, anything.
Even if it was just a painkiller.

No prescribed meds, tried some antidepressants and don't think I'm willing to try any more. I just self medicate with stimulants and alcohol mainly.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I stopped being able to function 5 years ago, but things were sliding downhill for a few years prior to that. I used to live independently & have relationships & a career. I always had chronic depression but my work broke me & I haven't been able to get back to where I was, in any sense. I try not to think about the past, because it's upsetting to compare it with the present.

Your post is worded perfectly. You may not have graduated from high school, but that's no reflection on your intelligence or insights. I empathize with having self esteem issues, tho.

I also relate to the fatigue. Mine was horrible for many years & I wasn't sure if it was a symptom of depression or a physiological issue or both. When I'd ask doctors for help with it, they'd almost always attribute it to depression. Finally, I got a sleep test and found I have moderate sleep apnea. Since getting my CPAP machine, the quality of my sleep improved greatly & I'm not as tired in the daytime anymore. Just mentioning it because sleep apnea can affect people of any age, so it may be worth looking into.

I also want to say that being on this site and talking about what you're dealing with, is a way of functioning. It may not be optimal, but it's not nothing. Baby steps.

 

[Hellis]

You sound like my old best friend, I haven't heard from them in a long time. I hope they are okay in this fucked up world. Some of us are just set up for suffering and sold stories of "it isn't too late"

 

[katara]

No prescribed meds, tried some antidepressants and don't think I'm willing to try any more. I just self medicate with stimulants and alcohol mainly.

It's ok I understand. I think antidepressants are so stupid, they only work for people who already have a good life. Taking antidepressants won't get me out of here. I don't know why I was ever prescribed them, I even said I didn't want them and they still want to give me antidepressants bc these doctors are stupid and just want a paycheck.

 

[soon4good]

It's ok I understand. I think antidepressants are so stupid, they only work for people who already have a good life. Taking antidepressants won't get me out of here. I don't know why I was ever prescribed them, I even said I didn't want them and they still want to give me antidepressants bc these doctors are stupid and just want a paycheck.

Yeah antidepressants are prescribed for so many things and they are so shitty that they have low to no abuse potential so no surprise that those are what doctors try to get everyone on, it's the easy way I guess.

 

[hopeifindmyself]

Hey katara, I can relate to you. If you need a friend I can try to be in whatever capacity I have left