Ladyybugged
𝑺𝒂𝒉𝒂𝒓 <3
- Oct 21, 2025
- 63
I'm about to CTB in a couple days, and i feel like a tiny part of me still feels remorseful that the ones i live with will have to find my body.
But almost 98% of me feels so detached and exhausted that i just keep telling myself "fuck it, i dont care anymore".
Just to be clear, im NOT skeptical about my CTB attempt, and am sure i'll be going through with it.
My only concern is them reacting to the body. And before you ask, no i cant CTB at a hotel or someplace else.
Cause it'll raise suspicion if i carry the equipment i plan on using, outside my house.
(they're keeping an eye on me most of the time cuz i just had a failed attempt last month).
A part of me feels like i'm a selfish bitch for going through with it knowing they'll end up finding my body.
But that part seems to be overpowered by how done with everything i am.
So i guess i'll just end up saying "fuck it, nothing matters" and going through with it in my home after all.
Apologies if this feels like a pointless ramble.
But almost 98% of me feels so detached and exhausted that i just keep telling myself "fuck it, i dont care anymore".
Just to be clear, im NOT skeptical about my CTB attempt, and am sure i'll be going through with it.
My only concern is them reacting to the body. And before you ask, no i cant CTB at a hotel or someplace else.
Cause it'll raise suspicion if i carry the equipment i plan on using, outside my house.
(they're keeping an eye on me most of the time cuz i just had a failed attempt last month).
A part of me feels like i'm a selfish bitch for going through with it knowing they'll end up finding my body.
But that part seems to be overpowered by how done with everything i am.
So i guess i'll just end up saying "fuck it, nothing matters" and going through with it in my home after all.
Apologies if this feels like a pointless ramble.
