ANTALWOODA
Member
- Mar 16, 2023
- 33
This is first episode of my destination to void series rant.
There is something, it's like an invisible force that wights down on me, contemplating my past and how i ended up in such situation where most of the things i liked or enjoyed 10 years ago evaporated, yeah, i remember as kid i had extraordinary ability to contemplate things deep and find art in many things, for example i remember being obsessed with touch screens and how responsive it can be brought me joy for some time, i remember crying because my ipod touch had minor scratch on screen, it's all connected, it was time when i was about teenager, 17 i think when i first seriously started thinking about killing myself i was searching methods online and came upon some meme post, it was funny stuff written about ways to fail killing self, and then after about year later i moved overseas and left my country and all my friends behind, that's when i suffered most , i survived lifelong abuse from family and such thing as separation from friends broke me down, it got me on my knees literally, despair, depression and anxiety amplified, i set myself goal in my mind to end my existence, but year by year went by and i couldn't do it, it was fear of pain and thinking about going to void forever felt like terrifying, but now it's like, death is on the way and it's about how much i will allow myself to handle or if some disaster and tragic event occurs and i die.
End of ranting for now.
There is something, it's like an invisible force that wights down on me, contemplating my past and how i ended up in such situation where most of the things i liked or enjoyed 10 years ago evaporated, yeah, i remember as kid i had extraordinary ability to contemplate things deep and find art in many things, for example i remember being obsessed with touch screens and how responsive it can be brought me joy for some time, i remember crying because my ipod touch had minor scratch on screen, it's all connected, it was time when i was about teenager, 17 i think when i first seriously started thinking about killing myself i was searching methods online and came upon some meme post, it was funny stuff written about ways to fail killing self, and then after about year later i moved overseas and left my country and all my friends behind, that's when i suffered most , i survived lifelong abuse from family and such thing as separation from friends broke me down, it got me on my knees literally, despair, depression and anxiety amplified, i set myself goal in my mind to end my existence, but year by year went by and i couldn't do it, it was fear of pain and thinking about going to void forever felt like terrifying, but now it's like, death is on the way and it's about how much i will allow myself to handle or if some disaster and tragic event occurs and i die.
End of ranting for now.
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