Venting Despite having a good day, i still wanna CTB

[almaPerdida]

Can anybody relate? I went to a party, had fun and all. But still randomly thinking how everybody is gonna deal when i take SN. My plan still stands normally. Deep down i hope everyone around me is gonna be ok when i leave.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yeah, I can enjoy a few things and even crack a bit of a smile but deep down, I'm always thinking about what I have planned in future in terms of ctb.

 

[almaPerdida]

Yeah, I can enjoy a few things and even Crack a bit of a smile but deep down, I'm always thinking about what I have planned in future in terms of ctb.

Yeah exactly this. Right now it feels like nothing can fix what's broken inside of me, despite me smiling and laughing around things. There's no fix for me despite my appearance of being somehow "fit" for society. Deep down i'm not fit for anything. All i want to do is CTB, but i gotta wait sadly.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yeah exactly this. Right now it feels like nothing can fix what's broken inside of me, despite me smiling and laughing around things. There's no fix for me despite my appearance of being somehow "fit" for society. Deep down i'm not fit for anything. All i want to do is CTB, but i gotta wait sadly.

Yeah, all those things are so momentary, whether it's laughing or smiling, they feel kinda robotic to me, not necessarily forced but very similar to that.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

The question is how much is already broken? What brought you to this point? You seem to be so close to CTB? Just one party or a few nice hours with friends won't change your "basic setting" or won't make you reconsider your decision.

 

[almaPerdida]

Yeah, all those things are so momentary, whether it's laughing or smiling, they feel kinda robotic to me, not necessarily forced but very similar to that.

Same, it seems pointless even because i know that the void will be back soon, can't really enjoy happiness totally like i should. It's kinda weird but i'm still focused on CTB.

The question is how much is already broken? What brought you to this point? You seem to be so close to CTB? Just one party or a few nice hours with friends won't change your "basic setting" or won't make you reconsider your decision.

Ah i already gave up all hope i had of a bright future. It's really broken and messy inside of me, and i don't wanna fix it, seems easier to just throw it all away. A lot of heartbreaks took me here and i'm stuck in a impasse. I would only feel complete with a soulmate, but at the same time, i can't put all of my existence on their shoulders. It's unfair and not something i feel like i can solve. I can't be happy alone and won't be happy depending on someone else. It's seems like the most logical course of action is CTB and hoping i can reborn in a new, happy life.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Same, it seems pointless even because i know that the void will be back soon, can't really enjoy happiness totally like i should. It's kinda weird but i'm still focused on CTB.

Definitely. My focus hasn't been on ctb as much because i know almost everything i need to but its never ever far away.

 

[UnwindingStar]

I finally found love and I still wanna CTB

 

[BornByGhosts]

even on the best days, every night i pray i dont wake up, every morning i feel betrayed and rejected. for the past 31 years and counting