Despair and Loneliness

[LonelyRoyle]

I find my myself wide awake in the middle of the night now as I type this post.

I had a partner, and she was the best one that anyone could ever get.

I used to stay in an apartment alone, just going between the mundane life between work and home. But after meeting her, she eventually became my pillar of support.

Now, she's leaving because of my mistake, of cheating on her, by going to a brothel yesterday. I've ruined this relationship by account of my own mistakes and faults.

Then it's back to the pit of despair and loneliness for me.

I'm wide awake at night thinking of a letter to write her thanking her, and apologizing for my faults and mistakes and then researching methods to go away, so I won't be a burden on anyone.
I've just written the letter.

Now I am sitting in the bathroom with a belt hanged from the window. Going through the motions of thinking of how to make it efficient.

It feels there are two personalities, one urging me on and the other trying to convince me not to.

 

[nood11]

I spend the majority of my time alone. I live alone, have no partner, have no children, don't have a job, and have no family nearby. It's a pretty solitary existence. It's really hard to make it through each and everyday of this life.