Desire to be a parent

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

Context: in short, Motherhood, being a GOOD mother was all I ever wanted, then I really hurt someone and realized I couldn't trust myself, so I would be a bad mother. This is my #1 reason for being suicidal after never having been suicidal before in my life. Family is so important to mental wellbeing and happiness, but I feel as though I shouldn't even chase it because I'm too corrupted to succeed.

Are there any parents here who have their two cents to share? Those who want children like me? Even those of you who don't want children please share your thoughts! I think this is an important discussion to have, as family is a source of happiness for many. My two little sisters make me happier than anything else!

And just to throw it out there, everyone please be respectful! I know creating life is a touchy subject on here, just be nice, everyone's different.

Have you failed yourself and your goals with human connection, or do you worry about potentially failing?

 

[sserafim]

I've never desired to be a parent. I've never wanted to have a partner, children or a family of my own. I guess I'm abnormal because most women want to be mothers, but I don't. I was never normal in the first place though, so I don't care. I don't like people or humanity in general, and I don't see the point of having a family, nor do I have the need to have one

 

[Caliguy]

Having a child is all fun an games until you're in the middle of a custody battle and your ex with money hiring top lawyers reducing parenting time :(

 

[vitbar]

Sometimes I have wanted to be a parent. Mostly I have not wanted to be.

 

[damyon]

I think I want to be a parent (biologically). I would probably be able to derive enjoyment out of it, both from the challenging and the happy moments during the process.

do you worry about potentially failing

I think I do. A little bit of stress is okay—that will help with preparations. It also shows that I care about the process itself (biologically).


~~~
In case you want my (male) opinion about you:

I think you would be a good mother. You definitely put a lot of thought into the process. You also possess the ability to reflect upon your actions, which is a good trait. I wouldn't be offended by a single faux pas, but I would be offended by the inability to acknowledge and reflect upon it.

 

[Ceterum]

I would love to be a daddy, me failing in relationships and thus also in parenting also contributes to me loathing my life so often.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I think for me it started out as just wanting to be a better parent than my own father. To believe that I could show him exactly the error of his ways. To prove he has no excuse for being the piece of shit he is. To create that bond that he never could while on the other side has its own appeal. It's the same feeling I sometimes got with certain teachers which made me think I could be a teacher myself (I can't).

Now I've come to realize that the only real reasons I want children are evil. To pass on all my traumas and anxieties. To distract from the problems I currently face. To sate the disgusting biological instincts dna has forced upon me. To denounce the evils of truth and love. To extend my reach to the stars above. Etc. etc.

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

I think I want to be a parent (biologically). I would probably be able to derive enjoyment out of it, both from the challenging and the happy moments during the process.


I think I do. A little bit of stress is okay—that will help with preparations. It also shows that I care about the process itself (biologically).


~~~
In case you want my (male) opinion about you:

I think you would be a good mother. You definitely put a lot of thought into the process. You also possess the ability to reflect upon your actions, which is a good trait. I wouldn't be offended by a single faux pas, but I would be offended by the inability to acknowledge and reflect upon it.

This make me want to cry. I appreciate you taking the time to give your thoughts, you're very sweet, thank you!

 

[astonishedturnip]

I would give anything to be a mother and have a family of my own. Unfortunately, reaching that goal has been impossible so far. Getting harassed by incels online who say my eggs are going to dry up soon is not helping my desire to CTB.

At least I have a baby niece who I've been able to love on.

 

[damyon]

I've never desired to be a parent. I've never wanted to have a partner, children or a family of my own. I guess I'm abnormal because most women want to be mothers, but I don't. I was never normal in the first place though, so I don't care. I don't like people or humanity in general, and I don't see the point of having a family, nor do I have the need to have one

Although it is slightly off-topic (and not asked for), I think you are just different from the majority, and it is not something out of the ordinary

(shamelessly promoting my other replies...)

 

[Agon321]

I'll be dead soon, so no, I don't want a baby.

Of course, if I were "normal" I would probably have a baby.
My instincts would simply win.
But I'm not "normal".

I also wouldn't want to ruin a child's life.
But I say this from a current perspective.
Under normal circumstances, I might be a better person.

I know that many people here may not admit it, but people have a great need for closeness with another person.
We need other people.
Our mental health depends on it.

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

Having a child is all fun an games until you're in the middle of a custody battle and your ex with money hiring top lawyers reducing parenting time :(

I totally get it. Both my parents were truly terrible and the custody battles, while not the worst part of them were definitely stressful. Being around "bad parenting" is one of my main reasons for having my wish I guess, and probably the cause of my fear. I will say that custody battles are stressful but they don't mean the worst. I'm really sorry if you're going through that. <3

 

[Ash’Girl]

I did, what feels like another lifetime ago. Given my own childhood, I was resolved if I ever brought a child into this world, I would want to ensure they had the best life I could give them.

Love, support, being PRESENT with your child is most important. But I was also sure I wanted to be in a safe, loving, stable and longterm relationship and financially stable: it just never happened, so no kid.

I did get pregnant once despite being on birth control but I miscarried. Though it wasn't planned at all, I wasn't really happy with the guy, but if I hadn't miscarried I'd have kept the baby and did my best as a single mother.

I only ever really wanted a home that felt stable and safe and loving: I'd have poured everything into that if life had dealt me those cards.

 

[Caliguy]

I totally get it. Both my parents were truly terrible and the custody battles, while not the worst part of them were definitely stressful. Being around "bad parenting" is one of my main reasons for having my wish I guess, and probably the cause of my fear. I will say that custody battles are stressful but they don't mean the worst. I'm really sorry if you're going through that. <3

Thank you its been hard my life littering went to shit in the matter of months in many ways everyday I wake up thinking of CTB.

 

[idk3]

It blows my mind that anybody who posts on this website would still have the desire to procreate

 

[divinemistress36]

A part of me wanted to when I was younger. But I was always to scared of passing my depression gene onto them

 

[libitina]

It blows my mind that anybody who posts on this website would still have the desire to procreate

hormones

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I really don't want to force others to suffer in this disgusting, hellish world. It really repulses me that others want to commit that crime, it's a devastating tragedy to me how this species hasn't gone voluntary extinct yet, procreation is evil to me as it's the source of all human suffering.

No in my case I just want to permanently not exist, I don't want to harm other people by imposing decades of meaningless suffering on them, how could anyone procreate when existing can literally get so torturous beyond how anyone can even imagine it to, I really wish I never existed more than anything, it's an abomination to exist.

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

It blows my mind that anybody who posts on this website would still have the desire to procreate

Giving up on my desire is why I'm here I guess.

I would give anything to be a mother and have a family of my own. Unfortunately, reaching that goal has been impossible so far. Getting harassed by incels online who say my eggs are going to dry up soon is not helping my desire to CTB.

At least I have a baby niece who I've been able to love on.

thats horrible I'm so sorry people have said things like that to you :(

 

[Z-A]

I never liked how this existence was built with no consent given whether to be here or not. Forcefully bringing someone into a world like this where there is so much potential of pain and suffering is something I won't contribute to.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I never had the desire to become a parent or to procreate. This was the best decision in my whole life.

 

[sickgirlzis]

I've always wanted to be a parent, it's one of the only things I look forward to in the future. I guess it's selfish, but it would improve my life. I feel bad since I probably have autism and adhd among other things, but it could be worse, and I could teach them how to help themselves if they really needed it.

 

[damyon]

I would give anything to be a mother and have a family of my own. Unfortunately, reaching that goal has been impossible so far. Getting harassed by incels online who say my eggs are going to dry up soon is not helping my desire to CTB.

At least I have a baby niece who I've been able to love on.

(lots of assumptions here...)

Well, you certainly want to have a family and become a mother (and I suspect you can do it biologically). Is it only the public opinion that is stopping you?

Quoting myself (from 2 weeks ago):

It's unfortunate, but there will always be individuals who try to bring you down, regardless of whether you're in the right or not, whatever you are doing, whatever you look, whatever you are not doing...

So wouldn't that work:

focusing on the right people and building a good community who do not body shame works in the long run.

where "body shame" is replaced with offensive incel ideology (or something like that...)

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

I asked in my post for replies to try and be respectful of different opinions. Not a rule obviously, your opinion is welcome, but If you think it's gross or reprehensible to have hormones (guess what you have them too) then please just say something perhaps explaining your views, not just bashing people who are different from you with silly gifs. I would actually like to hear what you have to say, you should know by now and try to tolerate that people exist who do not share your views.

I asked in my post for replies to try and be respectful of different opinions. Not a rule obviously, your opinion is welcome, but If you think it's gross or reprehensible to have hormones (guess what you have them too) then please just say something perhaps explaining your views, not just bashing people who are different from you with silly gifs. I would actually like to hear what you have to say, you should know by now and try to tolerate that people exist who do not share your v

I asked in my post for replies to try and be respectful of different opinions. Not a rule obviously, your opinion is welcome, but If you think it's gross or reprehensible to have hormones (guess what you have them too) then please just say something perhaps explaining your views, not just bashing people who are different from you with silly gifs. I would actually like to hear what you have to say, you should know by now and try to tolerate that people exist who do not share your views.

@idk3

 

[idk3]

I asked in my post for replies to try and be respectful of different opinions. Not a rule obviously, your opinion is welcome, but If you think it's gross or reprehensible to have hormones (guess what you have them too) then please just say something perhaps explaining your views, not just bashing people who are different from you with silly gifs. I would actually like to hear what you have to say, you should know by now and try to tolerate that people exist who do not share your views.



@idk3

The gif was just like a light hearted joke

 

[RueTheRavenPrincess]

It was just a light hearted joke

Ok, apologies for being reactive then! Subtext and tone are so hard online! :0

 

[Tesha]

I'm a good mother. My kids are fantastic. I had mine when I wasn't suicidal. But I probably wouldn't tread that path again now I'm unwell; children are very, very emotionally and physically hard work and they do have to be put first. So, if you're in the slightest bit unsure of whether you can put another humans needs above yours for a good 18+ years, then I'd caution against it.

Oh and just to add, I'm really bored and upset with all the 'parents are evil' threads - so I'm glad you've set boundaries for this one.

 

[gingermacie]

If I were a healthier individual I would love to be a parent. Unfortunately I am deeply dysfunctional societally. I think I'd be able to provide a child great emotional support, but I can't provide that to myself so it's not in the cards.

 

[willitpass]

I always wanted to be a mom, even when I was just a little girl myself. I've also been mentally ill for as long as I can remember. About 2 years ago I finally came to the realisation that I will never be mentally stable enough to have kids. I wouldn't be present, I get short tempered when I'm very depressed, and I will probably kill my self soon. It simply isn't fair to a child to bring them into the world knowing I can't provide a good life for them. It was one of the hardest things to come to terms with, but it would be beyond selfish for me to procreate.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm an antinatalist but even if I wasn't I think the good times are over and I wouldn't want to raise kids now with stuff like social media and all the problems in the world.

From a selfish perspective even if I did have kids I don't think it'd make me feel happy or secure. With things like divorce being so normalised people are seen as disposable these days. I grew up in a very secure home with parents married over 40 years before my dad passed and it's sad I won't ever have that again. I don't think if I created a family it'd ever compare, no one stays married anymore, and being responsible for someone else for 18 years is a scary thought. Maybe having kids is fulfilling but I don't see it giving me the security I'd want.

I find life inherently tragic though so I wouldn't wish it on anyone.