Today has gone pretty good. In the 4th and final quarter of my high. I was euphoric at first, but now I'm sleepy lol. I've hallucinated 2D cartoon characters which was pretty cool.
Inside all day Ears burning, deaf and tinnitus raging. Not much sleep. Hate the rain. Finally got around to formatting my spare SSD so that's something done, at least.
When you spiral so bad that none of the normal coping mechanisms work but you still can't help but continue to spin out of control?
Can I die yet please? How much farther do I have to deteriorate?
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Ghost2211, Rn110bg101, greebo6 and 1 other person
thinking about how i should have ctb last week because now they put another lockdown in my country which means my mother will be with me 24/7 which means my peace is now delayed by a full month and maybe even a half
and now i realize this means i won't die in october like i wished
the fact that i exist fills me with so much hatred and anger and rage.
disgusting. truly disgusting trash. vermin. worse than an ant. worse than a spider. worse than the smallest maggot.
all i do is hurt everyone. lie. cheat. pretend. im a liar princess in a cage ibuilt myself and there's nothing i can do to escape it.
except death.
please. please.
my day has been ok, probably because I had lots of sleep. but I also had an annoying incident that reminded me why I'm still afraid of strangers (men).
I can't remember everything since my mind is extremely foggy, but I'd say it's pretty bad.
For days I've been waking up in the middle of the night soaked in sweat and I have trouble falling asleep again. I'm spacing out a lot, even if I go for a walk. I tried to phone a doctor's office today, but their next appointments will be available next year in August. I really hope I'll be gone till then. Can't imagine to "live" with this shit forever, or until next year.
Everything is exhausting. Even if one tries to get help, obstacles are put in their way. I'm fucked up. This health care system is fucked up. I'm sick and tired of this, really.
Doing somewhat ok. Currently looking for psychologists and I think I've found one. Though the question is if he accepts my insurance. If he doesn't, I'm fucked. I'm sick of my therapist of 2 years for many reasons and want someone new
Woke up way too early this morning with the urge to rip my head off. Managed to get myself up to go cycling, but became even more dissociated as a result. After that I cooked something and I'm eating right now, but I feel nauseous.
I've noticed I stopped enjoying sleep recently. I no longer have this urge to go back to sleep after waking up in the morning. You know how you feel extra comfortable in the bed in the mornings? Yeah, I don't get that anymore.
I also wake up at around 2am and have to be awake for a couple of hours before going back to sleep. I usually get the urge to watch 2000's pop or kpop or random videos like the knees over toes guy or mewing.
Went on two walks, one of which was in the rain and everything looks so good, it almost felt like I was tripping on acid.
Washed the floors, the dishes, and watched the final episode of a show which had a bittersweet ending.
Today my day is actually starting quite well! It's a little drab/dreary and rainy here , which I love (it's my favorite weather , aside from flat out thunderstorms) Usually I can't make it out of the house without some form of anxiety , anger , frustration , etc. but today has been relatively free of that so far, amazingly. I'm gonna just take off and run with it. Hope everyone else has a beautiful and somewhat stress free day
well not to be too gross but i'm having explosive diarrhea, i haven't got the meds i need yet, and later i'm going for a covid vaccine, have to buy dog food.... so all in all not great
I woke up 3 hours ago and I wanted to cry because it's Monday and I have so much stuff to do, especially working.
I was about to call of all my lessons and stay in me bed crying and sleeping but I got the strength to take a shower and now I'm feeling better.
I will try to kick today's ass.
Reactions:
Celerity, http-410 and sadbadpsychogirl
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