Derealization

[Death is beautiful]

Since May of this year, I have derealization, it is always with me, I feel all the time that it's not real, and it greatly hinders my suicide, I literally can't believe that death is real and that there is nothing after it (although I tend to it)
Does anyone here have derealization? Do you think that this prevents your suicide?

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I literally can't believe that death is real and that there is nothing after it

That is existential dread that plagues every single person that has existed. That is why religions were invented because no one wants to think about the fact that you only get one chance at life and if you fucked up there are no do overs.

We were all born out of some freak cosmic chance and we will all eventually die only knowing a brief moment of this existence. Some people are lucky enough to enjoy good times while others toil in meaningless suffering.

It is a double edged sword knowing that our misery is only temporary but also knowing this was our one and only shot at life.

 

[Stopthepain]

I have sever Derealisation and depersonalisation, for me it severly disableing. I am like frozen, completly numb, no time and space. Yea it makes it a lot harder to plan and follow through. Also i am completly numb and cant rly think anymore it is like i dont know what s rly Happening in me, around me and to me. It is like i am not me anymore. I have to will. Just a zombie. Rational i understand everything but yea.. not rly on a Real level. Weird thing that even in ny last minutes i am just mentally gone and dont know what i am rly doing or what is going to happen.. but it is hard for me to do anything anymore in life cause of many symptoms. For myself i have to go in robot Mode and follow rational in Actionw what is best for me. To ctb.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yup

 

[bed]

i have frequent episodes of derealization, usually stemming from high anxiety. I don't think it hinders my ability to CTB it's more so just hard to deal with in the moment.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Constant derealization. Feeling totally unreal, like I live in a dreamworld. It's hell on earth.

 

[Makko]

I like it and it's indeed why I'm not in a hurry to die. The separation between myself and everything else makes complicated things simple, because everything is happening somewhere far away and nothing feels like a big deal. Life, death, pain, people, nothing is important, everything is someone else's business. It doesn't really make a difference if good or bad things are there or not. Just hand-scrawled notes on the margins.

 

[bed]

I like it and it's indeed why I'm not in a hurry to die. The separation between myself and everything else makes complicated things simple, because everything is happening somewhere far away and nothing feels like a big deal. Life, death, pain, people, nothing is important, everything is someone else's business. It doesn't really make a difference if good or bad things are there or not. Just hand-scrawled notes on the margins.

that's similar to how i feel when i dissociate but not so much during a derealization episode

 

[BottomlessPit]

I had a lot of derealization when I was a kid, but over the years it gradually changed into depersonalization. I often feel as if I wasn't present in the world, and my consciousness is dimmed down to a lower quality. If you imagine awareness to be light, then my source of light is being muffled.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Constant derealization. Feeling totally unreal, like I live in a dreamworld. It's hell on earth.

Do you feel detached from your surroundings? Does life often feel surreal?

Personally it feels like some maladaptive response to being suicidally depressed. Like my brain cannot process my situation so it blurs out reality to compensate.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Do you feel detached from your surroundings? Does life often feel surreal?

Personally it feels like some maladaptive response to being suicidally depressed. Like my brain cannot process my situation so it blurs out reality to compensate.

Yes. I feel floaty, like I'm on a boat, and my mind just does not absorb things well in the moment. I don't feel like I'm "in" my body. So there's an actual off balance sensation coupled with a lack of focus and here-and-now from my mind. Nobody can figure it out. Loneliest thing in the world.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Yes. I feel floaty, like I'm on a boat, and my mind just does not absorb things well in the moment. I don't feel like I'm "in" my body. So there's an actual off balance sensation coupled with a lack of focus and here-and-now from my mind. Nobody can figure it out. Loneliest thing in the world.

My best guess is that it is some kind evolutionary warning system going off in your head. It is not surprising that so many of us who are actively suicidal are experiencing similar symptoms. It is like my mind is rejecting reality to cope.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

My best guess is that it is some kind evolutionary warning system going off in your head. It is not surprising that so many of us who are actively suicidal are experiencing similar symptoms. It is like my mind is rejecting reality to cope.

I believe that is accurate. 7 years ago I caught a life threatening infection. I was in hospital for quite some time. I remember feeling like I was dying. I'd had no sleep, no food, no water for days on end. Just the IV drip. I became what I can only describe as delirious. Eventually I turned a corner, recovered and was discharged, but shortly after, I came down with this derealization out of the blue one day and it's been with me ever since. I believe it was a trauma reaction. And now all it's doing is feeding my desire to leave this earth.

 

[GenericUsername37]

That is existential dread that plagues every single person that has existed. That is why religions were invented because no one wants to think about the fact that you only get one chance at life and if you fucked up there are no do overs.

We were all born out of some freak cosmic chance and we will all eventually die only knowing a brief moment of this existence. Some people are lucky enough to enjoy good times while others toil in meaningless suffering.

It is a double edged sword knowing that our misery is only temporary but also knowing this was our one and only shot at life.

One thing that comforts me is the fact that even if you live a terrible ''unlived'' life where you (as you put it) fucked up, you definitely won't care about that after you're dead. So, there's really no reason to care about it even now. At least in my mind.

I like it and it's indeed why I'm not in a hurry to die. The separation between myself and everything else makes complicated things simple, because everything is happening somewhere far away and nothing feels like a big deal. Life, death, pain, people, nothing is important, everything is someone else's business. It doesn't really make a difference if good or bad things are there or not. Just hand-scrawled notes on the margins.

I like the sound of that. It is almost like you are some sort of Taoist master.