sigh333
Member
- Jan 6, 2023
- 13
i used to fucking love the sun, like charge up in it. i've had summers where i've been depressed, sure, but usually by now the mania hits & im jus havin a good time w friends feelin on top of the world. but nah, not this year.
told myself i'd be dead in jan, then feb, u know how it goes. but i was jus hoping, i think, that the mania would come like it has for years, but it just won't. i am dreading the sun now. it's fucking june and i wish it were just cold & gray. u know?
some things from mania are present i guess, like i've r*lapsed and am using pills again. & i've been having a lot more kinda reckless sex lately. but it's all so fucking numbing and so fucking boring.
why does it seem like literally everyone else in my life is doing better. i know it's a facade & i can't claim to know someone else's true inner world, but like, even if they have shitty things going on, it's still not so BLEAK.
i'm still isolating, avoiding friends and haven't even gone back to live where i was having the time of my life this time last year. this shit fucking sucks & i just hope i get the courage to just let this all go, & finally end it.
told myself i'd be dead in jan, then feb, u know how it goes. but i was jus hoping, i think, that the mania would come like it has for years, but it just won't. i am dreading the sun now. it's fucking june and i wish it were just cold & gray. u know?
some things from mania are present i guess, like i've r*lapsed and am using pills again. & i've been having a lot more kinda reckless sex lately. but it's all so fucking numbing and so fucking boring.
why does it seem like literally everyone else in my life is doing better. i know it's a facade & i can't claim to know someone else's true inner world, but like, even if they have shitty things going on, it's still not so BLEAK.
i'm still isolating, avoiding friends and haven't even gone back to live where i was having the time of my life this time last year. this shit fucking sucks & i just hope i get the courage to just let this all go, & finally end it.