poofart
Member
- Apr 28, 2023
- 22
I'm a bipolar, transgender man who grew up in an abusive household. I was basically doomed from the start. I'm 95% sure I'll end up killing myself one day, and it's starting to seem like that day may be coming sooner rather than later.
The thing is, I'm a university student, and I live far away from my family. I don't have a car. I want to see my family before I die, but if I leave to go see them, even for a little bit, I'll miss all my classes and flunk out. If I were over 21 (I'm 19), I'd just rent a car and drive down. If I end up killing myself, school wouldn't matter anyways. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I also don't want to explain my mental health to my family. They'd be confused as to why I'm back, and if they found out I'm wanting to CTB, they'd send me inpatient. But still, I want to see them one last time. I wish there was some way I could see them all without having to miss school, just in case I wait to CTB. I don't want to seem like even more of a failure than I already do by flunking.
The thing is, I'm a university student, and I live far away from my family. I don't have a car. I want to see my family before I die, but if I leave to go see them, even for a little bit, I'll miss all my classes and flunk out. If I were over 21 (I'm 19), I'd just rent a car and drive down. If I end up killing myself, school wouldn't matter anyways. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I also don't want to explain my mental health to my family. They'd be confused as to why I'm back, and if they found out I'm wanting to CTB, they'd send me inpatient. But still, I want to see them one last time. I wish there was some way I could see them all without having to miss school, just in case I wait to CTB. I don't want to seem like even more of a failure than I already do by flunking.
