Debating on suicide with myself

[Gol]

I been on a constant back and forth with myself about suicide it's a constant thought but am forced to live cause all my previous attempts on sucide have been a fail i am stuck i sometimes wish a car hits me or someone shoots me or i just have a heart attack or something i am miserable and every attempt of me trying to live fails idk how to escape idk how to kill myself to end this all
I have read all the methods and i feel i can't do any of them cause it has a high chance of failing

 

[juxta errata]

You can't kill yourself. You just can't. It's as if it's a mathematical improbability. I know that feeling. Takes away meaning from suicide too, but you should continue to try nonetheless.

Vain, repetitive actions are meaningless in result but they might hold value in the process. I think you can live today and reduce your suffering in believing you will die tomorrow. It's paradoxical but it's just how it works in my opinion.