Venting Death and Mortality

[TypeDef_End_Bye]

Walking -> You exist.
A strange feeling, overwhelming.

A fundamental truth escapes my grasp and I become depressed.
==
Whenever I feel this, I just want to die. I'm mortal and will die, why should I die? Better ctb before I lose what little 'me' I have left.
The worst part is that I am not able to or allowed to ctb anymore

 

[Worndown]

The bus comes for all. Some wait for it to arrive and some call it for a pick-up. You get to decide when you get on it.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Walking -> You exist.
A strange feeling, overwhelming.

A fundamental truth escapes my grasp and I become depressed.
==
Whenever I feel this, I just want to die. I'm mortal and will die, why should I die? Better ctb before I lose what little 'me' I have left.
The worst part is that I am not able to or allowed to ctb anymore

I maybe understand

please forgive if I misunderstood

Can you still walk ? ?

I Lost my mobility / ability to walk

I lived for walking

No walking = no longer exist — without ability to walk — makes me want to die too

and I'm not able / allowed to CTB anymore either

I can't exist like this — nor wait for bus to arrive "naturally" ( when ? )

Devastating traumatic trap

 

[Wunderkind]

I maybe understand

please forgive if I misunderstood

Can you still walk ? ?

I Lost my mobility / ability to walk

I lived for walking

No walking = no longer exist — without ability to walk — makes me want to die too

and I'm not able / allowed to CTB anymore either

I can't exist like this — nor wait for bus to arrive "naturally" ( when ? )

Devastating traumatic trap

You are a very sensitive and insightful person. These are good qualities.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see it as being both a burden and a curse how we even have the ability to exist in the first place and how we are even able to be aware of all this. I have never wanted to be here and never could do, for me no matter what the true problem will always lie in life itself, I just hate having the knowledge that I'm still trapped here and how the only ways to exit involve such struggle and difficulty. But yes, it makes sense to want to die, as what is the benefit to delaying the inevitable just to suffer so unnecessarily. There is nothing appealing about existing, instead there are only problems with it and things that make me despise being here more and more each day. The only relief is in the thought of never existing again and being permanently free from it all and it's tragic how for many people achieving voluntary death can feel like such an impossibility.