SailorBlue
Anxious mess
- Jun 21, 2025
- 45
Hello,
I apologize for the unclear title, but I wasn't sure how to name it. I'm fully aware that the problem below may seem minor or even ridiculous to some of you.
When I was a teenager and really young adult, I suffered from school phobia. I also had a lot of trouble knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and it weighed on me to the point of becoming obsessive. I managed to hold on for a few years until I couldn't go to class at all, starting in my second year of college.
Today, this problem is a major handicap, and I suffer from having dropped out of school, to the point where it's making me suicidal because my social situation is catastrophic.
I absolutely want to go back to studies, for years I've been actively trying to get back into itin vain. The problem is that every year it's the same old circus: I participate in the selection process, I'm accepted, I give the school all the required information. And a few days before the start of the school year, I'm paralyzed, I have completely irrational thoughts: that the program isn't right for me, that I won't succeed, that I won't stick with it, that I'll end up with nasty people, have problems, etc., etc. My mind spins in a vacuum for days, to the point of making me sick. And I end up not going.
For the next school year, I've decided to try one last time because I can't live like this anymore. My situation is disastrous and it can't continue; I have to break this cycle.
I have no support, family/friends, etc., and that plays a big part in my problem meaning that If I make a bad choice, I'll have no safety net and no housing or financial assistance.
How do I break out of this self-sabotage loop and dare to change? I feel like a loser because no one around me understands, they know exactly what they have to do and they aren't afraid.
I apologize for the unclear title, but I wasn't sure how to name it. I'm fully aware that the problem below may seem minor or even ridiculous to some of you.
When I was a teenager and really young adult, I suffered from school phobia. I also had a lot of trouble knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and it weighed on me to the point of becoming obsessive. I managed to hold on for a few years until I couldn't go to class at all, starting in my second year of college.
Today, this problem is a major handicap, and I suffer from having dropped out of school, to the point where it's making me suicidal because my social situation is catastrophic.
I absolutely want to go back to studies, for years I've been actively trying to get back into itin vain. The problem is that every year it's the same old circus: I participate in the selection process, I'm accepted, I give the school all the required information. And a few days before the start of the school year, I'm paralyzed, I have completely irrational thoughts: that the program isn't right for me, that I won't succeed, that I won't stick with it, that I'll end up with nasty people, have problems, etc., etc. My mind spins in a vacuum for days, to the point of making me sick. And I end up not going.
For the next school year, I've decided to try one last time because I can't live like this anymore. My situation is disastrous and it can't continue; I have to break this cycle.
I have no support, family/friends, etc., and that plays a big part in my problem meaning that If I make a bad choice, I'll have no safety net and no housing or financial assistance.
How do I break out of this self-sabotage loop and dare to change? I feel like a loser because no one around me understands, they know exactly what they have to do and they aren't afraid.
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