Dealing with not being able to ctp “rage”

[rorowanttogetout👍🏽]

Hi i have a question like seriously how do you deal with rage of not being able to ctp and not have access to it , bc the rage i feel in my body is so so unbearable I feel i am going to explode like it doesn't make any sense to me at all so like hoe do you cope and deal or distract yourself from it what are your ways how you guys go with your day

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally don't feel angry exactly but rather just tired of being trapped here, it really is something so horrible how humans are denied the option to just pass away in peace. But the fact is that one has no choice but to suffer if they don't find a way to leave, it's the cruel reality. At least no matter what happens each day is one day closer to death, eventually we will be free from the hell that is existing, but existing certainly is so torturous and undesirable, there is no relief from suffering to be found through existing, such a thing can only be found in death.

 

[niawscm]

Exercise. Or if I can't exercise, I drink. Nothing makes it go away completely, but these two things control it to the point where I can go on with my life.

 

[Readytogo246]

I agree, drinking does help...but it doesn't make it go away...and there it is again...the pain. The numbness to life and separation is odd and also a coping way. I don't know how long the numbness will last, but it makes the sunrise depressing. I dream of leaving but don't know how to make that happen yet either. I hope you find a way that feels good to you for your future.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Man, I'm sorry for that feeling. That must suck. I'm fortunate that I'm able to acquire the means to do so, although it won't be painless. However, I don't care about that any longer. I just want out of this nightmare.

Peace and love to you.

 

[Cryptonite]

Anger is paralyzing and it makes you unable to CTB. You need to do the exact opposite. You need to tell yourself that being scared is absolutely normal. Statistically, at least one person CTB every 30 seconds, and every single one of them is afraid, yet they are able to overcome it. Accept your fear and normalize it. Paradoxically, if you allow yourself to experience the fear fully, the fear will lessen. Don't fight it, invite the fear, let it become your friend.

 

[lachrymost]

Weed is the only thing that significantly helps me with this--and alcohol, but I don't want to make that as much of a habit. I'm apoplectic the rest of the time. Just the worst feeling. Sometimes I have to hit myself and that can calm me a little.

 

[ReversedNthTerm]

Hi i have a question like seriously how do you deal with rage of not being able to ctp and not have access to it , bc the rage i feel in my body is so so unbearable I feel i am going to explode like it doesn't make any sense to me at all so like hoe do you cope and deal or distract yourself from it what are your ways how you guys go with your day

I just feel an impeding sense of dread that makes me feel miserable all around when this sort of thing happens.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do really relate to this. I do have times where the frustration is SO intense. I suppose I just tell myself- I can't yet. (I want to wait for my Dad to go first.) I think about how long I've already hung on for (33 years since first having ideation) and I remember that things have actually been worse for me at times but I hung on then- so, I can probably just keep treading water now. I remind myself how much I love my Dad and how much I don't want to hurt him. I couldn't bear to hurt him in fact.

I have to work though- I have to support myself but- I try to be kind to myself. I try to choose to do something I'm maybe not so reluctant to do- I get to plan my workload. I put music or a film on in the background for nostalgia value or, I try to distract myself.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Hi i have a question like seriously how do you deal with rage of not being able to ctp and not have access to it , bc the rage i feel in my body is so so unbearable I feel i am going to explode like it doesn't make any sense to me at all so like hoe do you cope and deal or distract yourself from it what are your ways how you guys go with your day

I don't have rage because of that per se but the reasons that have made me want to CTB. But trust me I have plenty of rage for everyone on this forum. The answer is I do my best to exercise. I try to run/walk 50-70 miles a week. Before June when I went to the psych ward it was probably 100+. When I become overwhelmed I just go walk. Even if it is 3 AM... Even still sometimes it's difficult. There isn't a way besides that that helps. That's the best I can do I want answers myself.