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PurpleMonkey

Member
May 3, 2018
62
Hey there! Thank you for letting me become a part of this community and hopefully this first post won't fall flat on its face.

So for a plethora of reasons, I will be killing myself in the near future (while I still have money and resources for the exit bag method). I won't go into the specifics of this decision but it's quite near final; I'd prefer not to die, honestly, but options are unbelievably limited and my best choice right now is to just call it quits.

However, something is bothering me and holding me back.

Thankfully, I don't have any close friends IRL and my family is more or less done with me; it makes things far less guilt inducing and will help negate any supposed "selfishness" that my death would embody. But I have befriended various people online who I would either hate to leave behind in a sudden, unexplained way or hate to come across to as an encourager of premature suicide.

I personally don't have mental illness or depression and am planning suicide out of practicality but I know of some online friends who are young, smart and promising but who indeed have mental issues; issues that would make my suicide a likely negative influencer.

So right now, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place; I need to kill myself before I'm homeless or arrested (again, it's a long story) but I'll also need to pronounce a believable and respectable exit to these acquaintances.

How can I say goodbye in a non-traumatizing and believable way? What kind of messages or possible lies can I express in order to leave their lives without any damage done?

Hope this inquiry doesn't sound too contrived. Anyhow, thanks in advance for your input! Any comments - negative or positive - are welcome. :)
 
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Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
586
II don't think think there is a painless way tbh. Sorry. I just pissed off my ex friends until they went away but I don't recommend doing that with people who aren't more mainstream and can just shrug that off their shoulders.
 
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millefeui

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2018
1,035
I only have one friend. I slowly conditioned him to the idea that I will leave him behind, sooner or later, and that I am dying by my own hands. I told him he was free to stop talking to me so he could cut any ties and as such, suffer less or not suffer at all when I am gone, but he refused. He said he would stick to me until the end... Which is a bit painful for me, but I am grateful for having a good friend, at least.

If you are leaving any messages behind, remember to tell them they weren't at fault. Death was your choice and nothing they did influenced such choice. It was something outside of their reach. If you care about your friends, making sure they will not torture themselves for the rest of their lives because of your death is a good start.
 
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HangInThere

HangInThere

Just hanging around
Apr 27, 2018
31
Perhaps you could tell them you're going to a 3rd world country and staying there for a few years and such can't be online as frequently. After that you just lessen the contact with them over time. Eventually they will get used to not having you around.

That worked for me, at least. Not sure if you will be able to pull off the same lie, but it might be worth a try. Alternatively you could come up with a believable reason to come online less or even quit all online activity for a long period of time.

Good luck. There's no easy way of going about it.
 
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anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
I think it's very thoughtful of you to think about that.
But it's complicated ... It depends on how you think your friends are going to react.
Although finally the pain will be inevitable. In my case, I only told one because I knew I would not do drama and that's how it was.
Although I think it is best not to say anything to anyone. But I am in favor of leaving a note explaining the reasons, so that no one feels guilty. Maybe you could also send them a delayed mail if you think that will make them feel better.
 
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HangInThere

HangInThere

Just hanging around
Apr 27, 2018
31
II don't think think there is a painless way tbh. Sorry. I just pissed off my ex friends until they went away but I don't recommend doing that with people who aren't more mainstream and can just shrug that off their shoulders.

Do you feel bad about pissing them off?
 
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PurpleMonkey

Member
May 3, 2018
62
Thanks for the mature and honest replies, strangers!

And yes, my general goal right now is a sort of conditioning (as worded by millefeui) where I will re-invoke the inevitability of my inactivity online as well as make myself slowly but surely a less prominent presence in their lives. The execution of all of that is what worries me but some things can't be rushed.

Thanks again guys! Best of luck to all of you as well.
 
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Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
586
Do you feel bad about pissing them off?

No, they were twatty anyways. Sometimes I loathe being this alone, to the point I want people around again, but I'm better off friendless at this point. The only thing I sorta regret is the cat I gave up. But, honestly, I don't miss him much either. He's better off without me. I acted like I wanted him back for a while, mainly just so no one suspected I was still suicidal. If I could've taken care of the cat, I'd not bother killing myself as he was my responsibility and I believe you shouldn't abandon animals if it can be at all helped. But the reality of my situation is that I can't, and I'm going to be homeless soon if I don't do this. So I would've lost the friends and cat anyways.
 
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