Help Dealing with depressive episodes?

[tooBadTooLate]

Hey there everyone. I noticed I've been getting those depressive episodes more frequently since the last couple of weeks. From what I have seen, it seems to come up (triggered?) when I get very angry or out of nowhere, with nothing to do.

I've come to understand in the past months that I likely have anger problems, considering my frequent resentment and thoughts of incurring harm onto someone, how irritable I have been getting recently, especially with my dad (who I absolutely cannot stand, and I have been struggling to keep up my attempts at forming a social life because of how my intrusive thoughts reflect that.

Most of the time, the episodes end up having me going on a venting spiral about how inadequate I am to everyone else, how I can't just swallow my pride that brought me to here, and that I should just CtB instead of enduring this any further. At times they make me fear for my life.

I just want to build a social life so I can find a job and get away from my family, pay for my drugs and estrogen, and be a decent human being.

By the way, apologies if I haven't been on the site for too long. Life got in the way, as well as socialization; I am now somewhat in a better state of mental health, even my depression seem to get in the way.

 

[Dür Ktulhu]

A lot of things can help. For example, rituals, or pharmacology-if the problem is episodic, pharmacology will definitely help, but one can also take a long-term course of antidepressants on a chronic basis-it's a wonderful thing. Additionally, ask to be prescribed diazepam for special occasions. Sometimes a person blames themselves for certain feelings, when they simply have a serotonin deficiency: the power of chemistry over us is immense.