bumblefeet
dont know who to pray to anymore
- Apr 26, 2024
- 7
this really fucking sucks man. been going to psychiatrists and hospitals and doctors and therapists for 6-7 years and basically fucking nothing. just severe anxiety and adhd. maybe its because im not fully honest about wanting to kill myself but i dont want to be locked up in a fucking hospital because they think im going to. ive had about 7-8 real attempts so far that werent idiotic and obviously wouldnt work. the worst thing i have that u can see is some bad self harm but other than that i can act completely normal so i get nothing in terms of 'help.' dont have many friends in real life because im a fucking recluse so i have no luck there. the most 'help' i have is a vyvanse and an antidepressant. the only good thing about vyvanse is that it clears my head so i dont have to think about how shit my life is. luckily i dont have to pay for it myself because i think i would actually kill myself because of how expensive it is and i wouldnt be able to do what i do now on my peanuts for a wage. im pretty sure i have autism and or a trauma disorder but i dont want to bring anything up because it will probably get shut down. too scared to ctb because of the what-ifs of death. i dont want there to be nothing but i dont want to go to hell or something. when i see all the shit going on in the world i feel like killing myself more because people are suffering more than me and that makes me a shit person. fuck this brain can i trade it for a 1999 charizard or something.
