Daydreaming

[gingermacie]

I know I'm fucked beyond repair. My only solace are ideas of what could have been. I've been an avid daydreamer forever and have thought of many avenues my life could have gone over the years.

Right now I imagine what I could have experienced had I gotten into skateboarding and put my oppositional personality and video editing skills to better use. As a girl that shit is hard to see as a possibility but I'm sure I would have flourished creatively. Oh well.

What do you daydream about?

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide of course, about how it'd be so relieving and ideal having the option to die peacefully. I'm tired of being trapped in this hellish and futile existence where one can potentially suffer to unlimited amounts, I dream of an eternal and dreamless sleep where all is finally forgotten about, I dream of existence no longer being my problem, all I wish for is to be eternally unaware.

 

[F@#$]

I day dream about dumb shit( pussy,motorcycles,guns). But I think back on several exact moments in my past that if I'd made different decisions my life would surely been different. Probably not better but different.

 

[_Alfarooq_]

Suicide of course, about how it'd be so relieving and ideal having the option to die peacefully. I'm tired of being trapped in this hellish and futile existence where one can potentially suffer to unlimited amounts, I dream of an eternal and dreamless sleep where all is finally forgotten about, I dream of existence no longer being my problem, all I wish for is to be eternally unaware.

What made you depressed in the first place?

 

[crescentmoonisland]

I daydream a LOT too, it takes too much of my time. Most of the time, it's about suicide. I'm almost infatuated by it, it's very frequent and it helps me relax sometimes. The possibilities are limitless. I'm too much of a pussy to do it, so it's nice to be able to get lost in my thoughts and imagine it. Other times, situations involving me. I'd ask myself "What would I do if (...)" then start imagining the possible outcomes of a situation. For some reason lol, super random but it happens. My favorite thing to daydream about (besides suicide) are probably the stories with the characters I make up in my head. Overall I think daydreaming helps me to cope, but it's also very troublesome considering that I like escaping reality way too much even though I can't live my life while constantly daydreaming.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's not depression, rather I just have awareness of how truly undesirable existence is. Existence itself is the true problem for me. Under no circumstances would I ever wish for something so futile and torturous as human existence, to me non-existence is preferable under all circumstances.

What made you depressed in the first place?

 

[sserafim]

I daydream about being a housecat or being non-existent

 

[Abyssal]

I'm not even me in my daydreams. In my dreams I'm a man who is loved and respected but irl I'm a real girl failure. Absolutely stupid, disrespected, no ambition.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I'm not sure if this counts as daydreaming but when I'm inside I dream about whatever I'm doing, if I play a game, I'm in there, swinging the sword, casting magic missile, if I read a book, I'm in there, watching the action. I would say that I experience these stronger then most people do, probably. I'm not always there when I'm walking on the street though. I can't game when I'm outside but lately I've been reading most of the time, that's why I drive and bike a lot less, I mostly walk with my head in my book.

When I'm doing things where I can't game or read then I think about what life could have been with my ex-girlfriend and about our shared experiences. I miss her, not her as she is now but her as she was when I met her, when she was still making her own decisions. She was my world. I think about her every day. : /

 

[Ash]

These days, mostly about winning the lottery and buying a farm in the middle of nowhere. I'd bring down all the internal fences and turn it into a nature reserve. The dog and I could walk peacefully (well, she's a terrier so only one of us would be peaceful) without being disturbed by other people and their off lead dogs and I'd erect some hides so I could sit and watch the wildlife get on with their lives. I even think about the house and the floorplan and the eco-friendly systems I'd put in place.

*sigh*

 

[Blue Elephant]

I'm not even me in my daydreams. In my dreams I'm a man who is loved and respected but irl I'm a real girl failure. Absolutely stupid, disrespected, no ambition.

You're not stupid! I respect you! It's ok to not have ambition, it's ok to maybe just, enjoy the things around you?

These days, mostly about winning the lottery and buying a farm in the middle of nowhere. I'd bring down all the internal fences and turn it into a nature reserve. The dog and I could walk peacefully (well, she's a terrier so only one of us would be peaceful) without being disturbed by other people and their off lead dogs and I'd erect some hides so I could sit and watch the wildlife get on with their lives. I even think about the house and the floorplan and the eco-friendly systems I'd put in place.

*sigh*

Terriers are mental! : )

You should buy a farm, somewhere far away from cities! They can be relatively cheap and you can reconfigure it to your liking.

 

[Ash]

Terriers are mental! : )

You should buy a farm, somewhere far away from cities! They can be relatively cheap and you can reconfigure it to your liking.

She currently looks like butter wouldn't melt as she's fast asleep in her bed but definitely treats each walk as The Best And Most Exciting Walk Ever!

I'd love to be able to buy a farm but with house and land prices the way they are in the UK, that's never gonna happen. I can't even get my own house and if I don't CTB, I'll likely be renting until it's time to go into a care home, assuming people with no assets are still eligible for care in future.

 

[annxietty]

Idk how old are you, I actually dont know anything about you, many people here dont plan to commit suicide, there is a variety of personalities and life experiences, what Im going to say next can be offensive depending on which point are you, I just hope you understand I dont know you... Is it too late to pursue that thing you love? Do you think its too late to explore those areas you always wanted to explore? I guess I say this partially out of curiosity, Im not altruistic, and looking at how this site works what I said its not very coherent lol but I wanted to ask...

About daydreaming, I daydream a lot, always did, I would be in class not paying attention daydreaming, it was always my escape from reality, I almost never daydream about myself I daydream about being another person, being not me, but I can also daydream about conversations I would like to have, things I wanted to say, things I would like to do, but I hate those, I only like to daydream about not being me.

 

[AshersGirl]

I think I started doing what psyches call "maladaptive daydreaming" when I was a kid. Never stopped.

My imagination is very vivid. I started reading a lot a young age. I'd lose myself in the fantasy of the story but after the book was finished I'd still be in the story in my head, imagining I was the female character. I'd get so attached to the characters I'd even write "sequels" based on my daydreams of what life would be like being them.

Anything to escape reality and hide in my head where my "reality" is something that makes me happy.

These days mostly I live in my head of the life I'd be living if my fiancé hadn't died. It's nice there. I wish I could just go into a coma and live in my dream world, sometimes. We have our little remote country home, on the edge of some woods, next to a lake, and we have our little menagerie of animals, and space is enough to grow much of our own produce. We dance, we laugh, we love and we largely keep to ourselves. But we are happy. It's an impossible dream.

Rest of the time I'm daydreaming about ctb. That's more attainable but still hard.

 

[gingermacie]

Idk how old are you, I actually dont know anything about you, many people here dont plan to commit suicide, there is a variety of personalities and life experiences, what Im going to say next can be offensive depending on which point are you, I just hope you understand I dont know you... Is it too late to pursue that thing you love? Do you think its too late to explore those areas you always wanted to explore? I guess I say this partially out of curiosity, Im not altruistic, and looking at how this site works what I said its not very coherent lol but I wanted to ask...

Thanks for asking, especially so considerately. I do feel it is too late, because in order to let myself explore those interests I would have to be a completely different person. I'm too ashamed of who I am to experience anything I desire. If any of my hopes came true in this reality I wouldn't be able to appreciate them due to the inherent hatred I have of myself. So in my daydreams I'm a different person.

I'm not sure if this counts as daydreaming but when I'm inside I dream about whatever I'm doing, if I play a game, I'm in there, swinging the sword, casting magic missile, if I read a book, I'm in there, watching the action. I would say that I experience these stronger then most people do, probably. I'm not always there when I'm walking on the street though. I can't game when I'm outside but lately I've been reading most of the time, that's why I drive and bike a lot less, I mostly walk with my head in my book.

When I'm doing things where I can't game or read then I think about what life could have been with my ex-girlfriend and about our shared experiences. I miss her, not her as she is now but her as she was when I met her, when she was still making her own decisions. She was my world. I think about her every day. : /

Is there any way you can reach out to her? I'm not sure what "how she is now" implies, but it sounds like there may need be some closure between you two.

 

[Blue Elephant]

treats each walk as The Best And Most Exciting Walk Ever!

So .. living in the moment. Dogs are smart, loving, loyal .. perfect creatures! I think they are superior to us in every possible way, or we (as a race) fucked it up really really bad.

I'd love to be able to buy a farm but with house and land prices the way they are in the UK, that's never gonna happen.

Hmm .. you might be right. I was suggesting that because during my travels through Romania I met a girl who bought land with two houses and a barn for 6000 euros. Granted, that plot was in a village at the end of all roads and those buildings were not in the best condition but they were still standing. The prices for two-room apartments in a city were almost ten times as much. They are even more expensive now. The trick is to find something in a forgotten place. But yeah, it's not easy, I know how expensive property is in the UK.

I think I started doing what psyches call "maladaptive daydreaming" when I was a kid. Never stopped.

My imagination is very vivid. I started reading a lot a young age. I'd lose myself in the fantasy of the story but after the book was finished I'd still be in the story in my head, imagining I was the female character. I'd get so attached to the characters I'd even write "sequels" based on my daydreams of what life would be like being them.

Anything to escape reality and hide in my head where my "reality" is something that makes me happy.

These days mostly I live in my head of the life I'd be living if my fiancé hadn't died. It's nice there. I wish I could just go into a coma and live in my dream world, sometimes. We have our little remote country home, on the edge of some woods, next to a lake, and we have our little menagerie of animals, and space is enough to grow much of our own produce. We dance, we laugh, we love and we largely keep to ourselves. But we are happy. It's an impossible dream.

Rest of the time I'm daydreaming about ctb. That's more attainable but still hard.

Ignore the psychos! they're just following directives. I mean how dare you to find ways to be happy, what right do you have? /s Meh .. I think everyone lives in their own world, there is no reason you shouldn't live in your own. Living in a fantasy is a beautiful thing, I try to do the same.

Your mind is special, imagination is a powerful thing.

The stories we tell are just as real as all the things we see and feel.

I'm sorry that you lost your fiancé. I'm sorry that your dream is impossible, it is a very very beautiful dream.

May I ask what are your favorite fantasy books?

I'm too ashamed of who I am to experience anything I desire. If any of my hopes came true in this reality I wouldn't be able to appreciate them due to the inherent hatred I have of myself. So in my daydreams I'm a different person.

So often I see good people on SaSu thinking like this when they should think the other way around. There is plenty of human junk on this planet, you are NOT one of them! you are the opposite. You are beautiful and you should be proud of who you are. Maybe you can't see it but you are emitting light.

Is there any way you can reach out to her? I'm not sure what "how she is now" implies, but it sounds like there may need be some closure between you two.

Her mind used to be free, she wanted to travel the world, experience the basic way of life, live in nature, maybe somewhere close to the sea, but in the end she chose to be part of the system. She took a normal job where she trains new slaves, helping them integrate into the system. She even acknowledged that.

There is closure for her, she just "doesn't like me anymore". When she first told me that, I was in shock, I cried for hours, for days. When we saw eachother last time again I cried while she asked "why are you crying!?". Love is an unknown concept for her now, maybe it always was, maybe she just lied to me. There can't be closure for me, not for as long as I love her, and that will be forever. I don't know how to hate her, or at least let her go, disconnect. How can you stop loving someone!?

It's alright, I understand the situation. It is what it is and I have to accept it. I can't wait to CTB.

Thank you for caring. : )

 

[Flailure 513282]

I am a maladaptive daydreamer. My daydreams ruin my life, I can never focus on anything important, because my daydreams always distract me. Sometimes my daydreams a wonderful fun stories and world building. Other times they are horrible yet cathartic scenarios that I imagine, almost like fanfiction but with real people. I hate that I'm like this.

 

[calebzz1]

I daydream about how my vision was before having LASIK and wishing I could go back and undo that mistake...I've lost so much time and spent a lot of energy trying to fix this situation with no real progress.

It's sad, trying not to CTB but everyday feels like Groundhog Day.

 

[Blue Elephant]

I am a maladaptive daydreamer. My daydreams ruin my life, I can never focus on anything important, because my daydreams always distract me. Sometimes my daydreams a wonderful fun stories and world building. Other times they are horrible yet cathartic scenarios that I imagine, almost like fanfiction but with real people. I hate that I'm like this.

"Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." ― Oscar Wilde

I daydream about how my vision was before having LASIK and wishing I could go back and undo that mistake...I've lost so much time and spent a lot of energy trying to fix this situation with no real progress.

It's sad, trying not to CTB but everyday feels like Groundhog Day.

I am sorry for what you're going through, I can't even imagine. How was your eyesight before the surgery? How was it after? How is it now?

 

[annxietty]

Thanks for asking, especially so considerately. I do feel it is too late, because in order to let myself explore those interests I would have to be a completely different person. I'm too ashamed of who I am to experience anything I desire. If any of my hopes came true in this reality I wouldn't be able to appreciate them due to the inherent hatred I have of myself. So in my daydreams I'm a different person.

I completely understand that feeling, I also hate myself, I understand better now what you are going through, thank you for your response, I wish you luck in this journey.

 

[calebzz1]

I am sorry for what you're going through, I can't even imagine. How was your eyesight before the surgery? How was it after? How is it now?

Thanks Blue! I had a heavy prescription before LASIK but it was crystal clear with no issues.

I had LASIK and everything went well for a year until I developed bad complications including severe dry eye, ocular rosacea, slight double vision, poor night vision, starbursting and more.

I see 20/20 with prescription glasses but it blurs intermittently and with the symptoms increasing I've had to take a break off work.

I've been to a lot of providers but with no real improvement despite taking treatment seriously, it's aggravating but I don't get angry anymore, just surprised on how much damage it did.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I mostly just daydream about storylines and stuff. I usually have a main one that I focus on, with different characters who each play their own role in it. They're basically like actors and then there is a completely separate part of my daydreams that follow them and their exploits. It's kinda of dumb, but I like daydreaming and this is just how they play out.

 

[Dark Moon]

Eh, I'm either dreaming about hanging or past trauma comes back into my mind.

 

[untothedepths]

Looking back I'm not sure if I had dreams, just ideas. All the time I have lived with clinging onto every smidgen of hope but deep down knowing my life is doomed. I didn't know why I felt that way, I just did. And now I understand why. I never thought my life would be this hopeless, dried up, and gone. I wanted to work in medical, become a writer, or work in some sort of science. I learned I am not intelligent, that every outside force worked perfectly against me, and now my physical/mental well being is coming together in this. I have my faults too, but I've done nearly everything to improve myself/life. This is all there is.

 

[cosmic-freedom]

I used to daydream about living a normal life with my family and taking my brother and ma on road trips and movies,and vacations and all that.It gave me the drive to live these past two years.Turns out I was lied to this whole time.My dream would only remain a dream and my best possible outcome is death.

 

[Blue Elephant]

Thanks Blue! I had a heavy prescription before LASIK but it was crystal clear with no issues.

I had LASIK and everything went well for a year until I developed bad complications including severe dry eye, ocular rosacea, slight double vision, poor night vision, starbursting and more.

I see 20/20 with prescription glasses but it blurs intermittently and with the symptoms increasing I've had to take a break off work.

I've been to a lot of providers but with no real improvement despite taking treatment seriously, it's aggravating but I don't get angry anymore, just surprised on how much damage it did.

Bloody hell! That's so sad! This is one of the reasons I don't trust doctors and why I ask for their help only if I absolutely have to, if it hurts too much.

I'm sorry about your troubles. Maybe your body will heal in time, I hope, if you don't let bad people mess with it again, but how can you know!? Maybe there are natural remedies.

Looking back I'm not sure if I had dreams, just ideas. All the time I have lived with clinging onto every smidgen of hope but deep down knowing my life is doomed. I didn't know why I felt that way, I just did. And now I understand why. I never thought my life would be this hopeless, dried up, and gone. I wanted to work in medical, become a writer, or work in some sort of science. I learned I am not intelligent, that every outside force worked perfectly against me, and now my physical/mental well being is coming together in this. I have my faults too, but I've done nearly everything to improve myself/life. This is all there is.

Don't we all? Cling to hope I mean.. We do, until there's no hope left. Sometimes I wonder if this is all just a myth, maybe for some people there is no hope. For as long as I can remember I knew my life will be horrible. Why did I hope!? If I would have been smarter I would have killed myself a long time ago.

You had beautiful dreams! Why do you think you're not intelligent?

I used to daydream about living a normal life with my family and taking my brother and ma on road trips and movies,and vacations and all that.It gave me the drive to live these past two years.Turns out I was lied to this whole time.My dream would only remain a dream and my best possible outcome is death.

Why were you lied? What was the lie?

 

[cosmic-freedom]

Why were you lied? What was the lie?

That we would someday be able to escape that abuse from my narcissistic birth giver(male)

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I maladaptively daydream a lot, it's becoming a serious a problem. A funny thing I realised though is no matter what I daydream about, no matter in my head how "happy" and "perfect" everything is, it still always ends with me putting a bullet through my brain. Which shows that no matter what I have I'll still always want to ctb, so what's the point in trying.

 

[terra.nuvo]

Usually about a better life where I have a boyfriend who loves me and a life that I just desire to live in general. I tend to also get stuck daydreaming for most of the day. I feel like it's pretty unhealthy but it brings me peace. Daydreaming makes me feel like the things I want are possible for me to have. It's really nice sometimes.