SanguineShark
I am the monster you created
- Jun 23, 2023
- 223
I still remember when I was small and I had to listen to my mom yell at him, cursing at him and calling him the worst names, because he forgot my birthday.
I still remember when he actually came to my birthday when I was around 13, and he gave me diet pills for adults, because I was fat.
I still remember when he would greet me by telling me that I need to lose weight and complaining to my mom that she doesn't feed me well, no one knew yet that I had a chronic hormonal illness causing my weight gain.
I still remember when I showed him my art I worked very hard on, and he told me that he sees art like that on dvd covers all the time and that it's not special.
I still remember when he invited me and my brother to his apartment, he would show my brother cool things, while I was forced to stand on a machine that was meant for losing weight, I will never forget the sight of the long corridor with them spending quality time together, while I was alone.
I still remember when a few years back he called me when I was already an adult, and told me it's my fault that he didn't pay attention to me when I was a child.
He's old now, 67 years old, he's ill, everyone in his family hates him and he hates them. I never told him how much I hate him, I just listen to his painful words, I was too stunned to object.
I will never experience a father-daughter relationship I'm supposed to have, I will never feel loved by my father, I will never feel good enough.
I feel like I'm a worthless, fat, disgusting, vile piece of shit who was just a mistake, a child he never wanted, why was I born? I got cursed at birth, now I cry when seeing healthy fahter-daughter relationships in fiction, because I know I will never experience that. All I got from him is a personality disorder, depression and body dysphoria.
I feel alone, rejected, abandoned, worthless.. this is a scorching pain that pierces my heart every single day and never lets go. I won't ever heal from this. I hate myself so much. I should have killed myself long time ago, I don't deserve to be loved.
I still remember when he actually came to my birthday when I was around 13, and he gave me diet pills for adults, because I was fat.
I still remember when he would greet me by telling me that I need to lose weight and complaining to my mom that she doesn't feed me well, no one knew yet that I had a chronic hormonal illness causing my weight gain.
I still remember when I showed him my art I worked very hard on, and he told me that he sees art like that on dvd covers all the time and that it's not special.
I still remember when he invited me and my brother to his apartment, he would show my brother cool things, while I was forced to stand on a machine that was meant for losing weight, I will never forget the sight of the long corridor with them spending quality time together, while I was alone.
I still remember when a few years back he called me when I was already an adult, and told me it's my fault that he didn't pay attention to me when I was a child.
He's old now, 67 years old, he's ill, everyone in his family hates him and he hates them. I never told him how much I hate him, I just listen to his painful words, I was too stunned to object.
I will never experience a father-daughter relationship I'm supposed to have, I will never feel loved by my father, I will never feel good enough.
I feel like I'm a worthless, fat, disgusting, vile piece of shit who was just a mistake, a child he never wanted, why was I born? I got cursed at birth, now I cry when seeing healthy fahter-daughter relationships in fiction, because I know I will never experience that. All I got from him is a personality disorder, depression and body dysphoria.
I feel alone, rejected, abandoned, worthless.. this is a scorching pain that pierces my heart every single day and never lets go. I won't ever heal from this. I hate myself so much. I should have killed myself long time ago, I don't deserve to be loved.
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