Cycle of misery

[September5th]

Not really venting this time around. Just want to share with you my personal cycle of misery: wake up anxious, think about the past, hate existing, go to parties, drink like there's no tomorrow, kiss some bimbos, vomit, get back to home, wake up even worse the next day.

I'm starting to get alcoholic. I can feel it. I don't really drink every day, but when I do it's always a lot. I was thinking about what I was doing six months ago. I believe that I was sleeping at my girlfriend's or something. I was preparing myself for a little one day trip I was about to take. Now that same girl hates me and wants revenge on me (no jokes hahaha).
What a miserable cycle I am in. Just need to stop drinking immediately.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and I know that it is awful being trapped in such a miserable life. I also really hate existing. To me it is horrifying how life is even a thing in the first place. I wish you relief from suffering.

 

[Huntfish34]

Idk what you mean about the ( no jokes ) part, but I can certainly relate to a lot of what you said. Why does she hate and want revenge on you ? None of my business I understand, just curious.

My life as a whole has been a Very harmful and vicious cycle lately. Alcohol and numerous substances pretty much Own me right now, Absolutely Fckn hate it.

Can I stop this toxic cycle I'm in ? I think so. Maybe... But I don't want to and really don't fckn care anymore. The booze and dope are actually helping me to carry on and live another day even though I know they are killing me slowly. Oh well -

Thanks for sharing ,. I wish you the best.

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

To me it sounds like you're living the dream. You must be good-looking. But then I guess no one's bloody happy.

I too drink alcoholically but I did a year sober and was depressed af then.

 

[September5th]

Idk what you mean about the ( no jokes ) part, but I can certainly relate to a lot of what you said. Why does she hate and want revenge on you ? None of my business I understand, just curious.

"No jokes" as in the situation is absurd. The girl who loved me since childhood now hates me. Funny, in a way. Crazy how I'm always able to fuck up everything. We broke up for a variety of reasons. I fucked up in some occasions, sure. So did her, I guess. Yeah, the guilt kills me (as I know exactly what I lost and why). She wants revenge on me because I kissed her best friend while drunk last week. We weren't dating, obviously. I did it because I wanted to hurt her somehow (as it was my birthday and she didn't want to see me, despite pushing for us to keep being friends). She's also seeing other guys, which sucks. So I went ahead and kissed her best friend and the girl she was always jealous of in the same day. I fucked up her friendship and hurt her on purpose, the most evil way possible. The way she texted me the day after, congratulating me despite everything that happened, made me cry my ass off. That moment I finally understood the piece of crap I was. It sucks, because I did so much good stuff to her. But all she's gonna remember me for is the bad stuff.
Now I know that she seeks revenge somehow. Unfortunately for her, all my friends despise and have zero contact with her. The only one who followed her on Instagram said to me she was liking all his stuff and that he was annoyed and block her. I have good friends, at least. I can understand why she hates me after what happened... I would probably hate her as well. It sucks to see everything deteriorating to such a degree.

To me it sounds like you're living the dream. You must be good-looking. But then I guess no one's bloody happy.

It was my "dream" when I was a teen who didn't fuck anyone. Now I can see how meaningless it is. Nothing beats having a special person. No pussy changes that. I can't feel shit. Really weird. What does a kiss from a random means anyway? I should have been grateful for what I had... I guess that still holds some true.
My drinking issues are sure getting out of control. Fuse that with a lack of will to do anything and you have a waste of a man. I wish I was drunk all the time, bro...

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

"No jokes" as in the situation is absurd. The girl who loved me since childhood now hates me. Funny, in a way. Crazy how I'm always able to fuck up everything. We broke up for a variety of reasons. I fucked up in some occasions, sure. So did her, I guess. Yeah, the guilt kills me (as I know exactly what I lost and why). She wants revenge on me because I kissed her best friend while drunk last week. We weren't dating, obviously. I did it because I wanted to hurt her somehow (as it was my birthday and she didn't want to see me, despite pushing for us to keep being friends). She's also seeing other guys, which sucks. So I went ahead and kissed her best friend and the girl she was always jealous of in the same day. I fucked up her friendship and hurt her on purpose, the most evil way possible. The way she texted me the day after, congratulating me despite everything that happened, made me cry my ass off. That moment I finally understood the piece of crap I was. It su%cks, because I did so much good stuff to her. But all she's gonna remember me for is the bad stuff.
Now I know that she seeks revenge somehow. Unfortunately for her, all my friends despise and have zero contact with her. The only one who followed her on Instagram said to me she was liking all his stuff and that he was annoyed and block her. I have good friends, at least. I can understand why she hates me after what happened... I would probably hate her as well. It sucks to see everything deteriorating to such a degree.


It was my "dream" when I was a teen who didn't fuck anyone. Now I can see how meaningless it is. Nothing beats having a special person. No pussy changes that. I can't feel shit. Really weird. What does a kiss from a random means anyway? I should have been grateful for what I had... I guess that still holds some true.
My drinking issues are sure getting out of control. Fuse that with a lack of will to do anything and you have a waste of a man. I wish I was drunk all the time, bro...

Okay you sound fucked up but man, if you can get with women, you're ahead of 75% of us poor fucks.

 

[Zzzzz]

Life is nothing but a cycle of misery

 

[HappyForever?]

I would have your life in a heartbeat. At least you are attractive enough to have had a girlfriend and kiss someone in a party. But I guess everyone puts that thing they crave on a pedestal. You might want my life too.

 

[September5th]

Okay you sound fucked up but man, if you can get with women, you're ahead of 75% of us poor fucks.

Wanna be with some girls, bro? It's not that hard, really. Just buy some nice clothes, go to a party (not all by yourself, if you can) and drink just enough so your social inhibitors go away. Boom, that's the trick. Most of these party girls are crazy for anything really. In some cases, you don't even need to approach them, as they come for you.
I know that I'm right because I used to have this same mindset as you. Then I realized it was actually easier than I initially thought. I was 19 years old and had never kissed or fucked anybody. Then I suddenly changed.

I would have your life in a heartbeat. At least you are attractive enough to have had a girlfriend and kiss someone in a party. But I guess everyone puts that thing they crave on a pedestal. You might want my life too.

Not sure if you would want my life. Living in constant guilt, anxiety and craving for the past all day. Waking up and knowing that the woman that you love is hanging out with other guys and hates you. Spending every week studying something that you hate. Also, not having money for jackshit anymore, suffering from depression and falling into alcoholism.
Shitty life all around. Imagine not being happy for a single second of your day? That's pretty much it.

 

[HappyForever?]

Not sure if you would want my life. Living in constant guilt, anxiety and craving for the past all day. Waking up and knowing that the woman that you love is hanging out with other guys and hates you. Spending every week studying something that you hate. Also, not having money for jackshit anymore, suffering from depression and falling into alcoholism.
Shitty life all around. Imagine not being happy for a single second of your day? That's pretty much it.

Damn. Your life must REALLY suck if being kissed by girls every day can't make you happy. I hope you achieve whatever you want.

 

[The Disinherited]

Damn. Your life must REALLY suck if being kissed by girls every day can't make you happy. I hope you achieve whatever you want.

Ever heard of diminishing returns?

 

[September5th]

And the cycle continued last night. At least I didn't get drunk, so I'm not as fucked up as I could be...