Venting Cutting off from a narcissistic parent

[SplitInfrastructure]

Ive been living out of my house for a while now, Im taking care of my friends teenage daughter while she's working in Netherlands, because the pay is awful here

My mother at first just took it as a joke, but it was certainly serious, my friend told me to pack up my stuff and go to her after I starved myself enough to go weak at the store she was currently working at. shes amazing, as she basically kept me here for my entire internship free of charge, even sending me money for food and I've been feeling better on a significantly lower dose of SSRIS than I was in junior highschool on, shes a gift for me and I wanna give her a big gift after I earn enough for it.
But this post isn't entirely about her, as I'm still struggling with my mother sometimes calling mea and trying to pity me out of moving away to a completly different city, as both of my siblings don't spend a lot of time at home either, with me being the youngest and moving on quickly as I was able to get a graphic design internship after finishing high school, since in our country you can choose either education, education and work and mostly work with some education. Im pretty sure that I will get a job somewhere, as its a new thing to have small advertising companies around the country now
But I feel like my mom still treats me like a joke, like Ill come back after my unavoidable failure (ha, I'd rather starve to death on the streets than go back to her) and recently she started realizing that there is a chance I will succeed so she decided to try to get me to pity her enough to at least meet up with her again.
Since I was young she was pointing out how I looked, shoving her fingers into my zits or commenting on my weight that I have struggled with since I can remember, with my self esteem taking a great hit from that. Okay, I can take it. She joked about me being a man after I cut my hair a lot shorter- after I joked about it back she beraded me publicly, demanding me not to tell anyone because they will laugh- no matter if its family or friends. That was fine too, I thought it was wreid that I feel that way because of her. After I started going to a psychiatrist she started telling me that I'm doing this to destroy her mentally, eventually asking me if she should kill herself if I hate her so much and it was starting to be too much for me, as she would casually tell me that I should move in with my dad (he had no spare rooms in his flat), that she sees that I dont wanna be around her and that shes a such terrible mother, adding later with a lot of passive agression that she was paying for so much for me, my schools, my food and 'my bills' (i was like. 15. also education is free besides some fees for the community), later changing the topic to how she could make me work at 14, starve me and make me sleep in a basement and how good she is because she is providing basic necessities for me.
She would threaten to throw the cat out the balcony, knowing I loved him dearly, she would berade me every time I asked for money, at some point I mentioned to her that Im earning for most of my things myself with art commisions, she again belittled me and asked me where is my transfer for the bills. she was getting 'okay' amount of alimony from my dad and it would pay most of my expenses, she said its nothing.
With the amount of times she was commenting on how I look, she pushed me to a point where I would either starve myself untill she left, after which I would eat anything I could find in the fridge or make a few sandwitches and clean everything up so she could never tell I ate. I dont even know why I was doing that, I just felt my stomach twist and my hunger dissipating after she saw me get food or she brought any to me (I told her about this issue, she just said that shes my mother and she will keep doing this because its her house)
Many things came down to 'its my house' whenever I asked her not to hug me when I dont expect it, which she kept doing to the point of me avoiding any physical contact with her, I asked her to stop sweetening my deadname, which she was doing on purpose, as even after a psychiatrist visit and me asking her in front of my doctor helped for a few days only and it went back to the house argument. I would start smoking at late 15y/o because at first- it made me feel lightheaded in contrast to the heaviness I constantly was feeling, I dont think she ever found out, but had her suspicions.
I think it all took a turn after coronavirus spread and she would listen to the church too much, going into antisemitism to explain the virus (not even a hyperbole, she said that the jews want to take over our country so they invented corona to take our citizens out and buy all of the land)
It all could have gone differently, I asked her to apologize, which she did with even more self centered texts like 'oh sorry for being a stressed single mom', 'but you made me hit you' or the most textbook gaslightings like 'I didnt mean for you to feel that way' and 'It wasnt what I had on my mind' (with the second one being that one time she told me she will kick me out of the house 'if im such an adult', all because I was sent an automatic letter from the bank, informing me that my and my mothers accounts are now dissconected from each other, she also wouldnt register that it was automatic and I didnt do anything no matter how many times I said it, later saying she only did it because she wanted to send me money if I ran out of it, which she never did before, even on a different side- she was giving me less money because my sister was sometimes making me little transfers. The money I needed to get to a different city so I could study)
I tried to explain to her that I dont care about her intent, which sounded dumb and baseless and just wanted her to apologize without adding anything, to which she would either only say 'sorry' or keep on with her lengthy explanation why she was hurting me so much, after I confronted her about her jumping out with suicide threats without a bigger reason she said she 'wanted to give me a taste of my own medicine' I never mentioned to her I was suicidal. The school psychologist told it to our teacher and she passed that info. When I vented about it to my sister she said that she once told it to her and I realized why my mom was so 'sure' I did tell her that, she either just projected it onto me or lied on the spot hoping I would just accept it

I know she had problems, but she just passed it down to me and my siblings.

Well, finally its time for today
She called me some time ago with her 'ask me whats wrong' tone, saying later (unprompted) that she is depressed and she should go to a doctor
What she wanted me to say then? I just told her to go and she kept on saying how shes weak and unable to take care of herself. and it was the moment I got angry. I started repeating everything that she told me in my childhood, as well as the fact that just a year ago she was saying she doesnt need a therapist because she feels great, that depression is just laziness and lack of will, that god can cure it, I told her that I still had some flyers she gave me years ago about how your diet makes you depressed, told her to go on a stroll and she would feel better. Suddenly she was just making 'mhm' noises because I knew that she had nothing else to say. She expected me to treat her better than she did me just because she tried to fill in a broken bridge with expensive things she would sometimes buy me (unprompted as well, but I cant think of many instances of that, except for my phone and a big music player with sorroundsound when I asked for a radio so I could play my cds, as well as my laptop that she outright said that I now have to listen to her or she would take it away, with 'listening' being detransitioning socially and taking all of her insults without a negative reaction, at some point I just stopped feeling any kinds of dopamine rushes because I knew she wanted something and I started feeling more scared of it than anything)

She always says she never meant wrong, but she did do it. She wont apologize like a normal person because she has to be in the right. I know that some of her shit goes back to before I was born from what my father told me, maybe thats why she was making me feel like he was the root of all evil for such a long time

I will be moving in with my best friend and her family soon, Im stressed, as I still starve myself and seek self destruction, from swallowing pills with alcohol to contemplating getting high off perscription drugs, mid-hard drugs in general and realized she got into my head again, Im repeating myself everything she told me about everything going terrible. As much as Im unemployed now, I feel like Im loosing entire portions of my days, with this constantly persistent thought of me spiraling just before I was supposed to be the best me to get settled in a completly new place and start fresh. But every single thing puts me out of any sense of composure I thought I had and I really feel like killing myself is the best way out.

Sorry for the long post and thank to anyone who heard me out, goodnight

 

[Aisley]

Fuck yeah!!! God, I've always wanted to throw someone's words in their faces, but I have the memory of a dust mite. Well done.
They say success is the best revenge, and if you just manage self-sustenance, it'll drive her nuts, because it seems she never got that far. For her sake, I hope you outlive her. Such things can be done, with spite as fuel, but you do whatever is best for you. Congratulations on your emancipation. How did you learn she was a narcissist? Seems like kids these days are way more psychologically savvy than we were back in the day.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

Fuck yeah!!! God, I've always wanted to throw someone's words in their faces, but I have the memory of a dust mite. Well done.
They say success is the best revenge, and if you just manage self-sustenance, it'll drive her nuts, because it seems she never got that far. For her sake, I hope you outlive her. Such things can be done, with spite as fuel, but you do whatever is best for you. Congratulations on your emancipation. How did you learn she was a narcissist? Seems like kids these days are way more psychologically savvy than we were back in the day.

Im not a psychological master, but I did learn a bit when I has a phase in junior high school, so its mostly the closest way I can describe her, I guess the narcissism thing really hit after she started denying therapy for herself, because 'she felt fine' (it was during a fight with her against me and my sister, we both were crying and telling her she should go to therapy because no person should treat their children like that - she kept pressing like it was a game, coming back every 5 minutes, turning it all around that we need therapy), then I learned about a little situation my dad told me about when they were washing jars and she always screamed at him for doing a poor job, he once just swapped them out and yes- she took the jars she washed and started screaming about him doing a shit job again.
She had power over us and used it constantly, the moment she stopped using physical force on me was the day we were finally able to fight back and I assume its been simmilar for my siblings too
She would always find a way to excuse herself, put herself in the right position or just blame her own actions on something or someone else, not to mention the fact that she tried to gaslight me that nothing ever happened, going as far as constantly telling me she didnt do anything because she doesnt remember it, but pointing out things I dont remember doing either and treating me like shit for it and yes, some of those things my siblings actually did so she just scrambler her own memory to make herself look good again

of course- religion, she expected me and my siblings to be christian, even changing my answer to christianity in a questionaire that my country put out (not to mention the fact that she wanted to monitor my answers- do them herself even though I was not responding when she was saying them out loud and I only responded that I cant do it myself), she treated christianity like the only 'good' religion, threatening me with hell when i tied my shoelaces to resemble a star

I guess it wasnt all that there was, but other things as well, its mostly the 'always right' mentality and going so far as to try gaslighting people around you for it to be true. Sometimes after we fought she would even call her friends and start complaining about me being a terrible child loudly, making sure to come back to my room when I was still crying to tell me that her friend said she wouldnt be able to live with a child like me

 

[Aisley]

Im not a psychological master, but I did learn a bit when I has a phase in junior high school, so its mostly the closest way I can describe her, I guess the narcissism thing really hit after she started denying therapy for herself, because 'she felt fine' (it was during a fight with her against me and my sister, we both were crying and telling her she should go to therapy because no person should treat their children like that - she kept pressing like it was a game, coming back every 5 minutes, turning it all around that we need therapy), then I learned about a little situation my dad told me about when they were washing jars and she always screamed at him for doing a poor job, he once just swapped them out and yes- she took the jars she washed and started screaming about him doing a shit job again.
She had power over us and used it constantly, the moment she stopped using physical force on me was the day we were finally able to fight back and I assume its been simmilar for my siblings too
She would always find a way to excuse herself, put herself in the right position or just blame her own actions on something or someone else, not to mention the fact that she tried to gaslight me that nothing ever happened, going as far as constantly telling me she didnt do anything because she doesnt remember it, but pointing out things I dont remember doing either and treating me like shit for it and yes, some of those things my siblings actually did so she just scrambler her own memory to make herself look good again

of course- religion, she expected me and my siblings to be christian, even changing my answer to christianity in a questionaire that my country put out (not to mention the fact that she wanted to monitor my answers- do them herself even though I was not responding when she was saying them out loud and I only responded that I cant do it myself), she treated christianity like the only 'good' religion, threatening me with hell when i tied my shoelaces to resemble a star

I guess it wasnt all that there was, but other things as well, its mostly the 'always right' mentality and going so far as to try gaslighting people around you for it to be true. Sometimes after we fought she would even call her friends and start complaining about me being a terrible child loudly, making sure to come back to my room when I was still crying to tell me that her friend said she wouldnt be able to live with a child like me

Wow. What a monster. Seriously, well done. People my age were really discouraged from looking at our parents like they were fallible creatures, and it feels like last week I finally saw my mother for what she is. I mean, it's been a little longer than that, but you know. I got another friend my age who still can't see her parents for what they are. It's a sad and helpless thing to see a grown woman choose shackles because of idk, fear of the unknown? Because SEEING your parents isn't something a good daughter does? You've saved youself years of denial here. I undestand that often it won't feel like it, but you're really ahead of the game. Just use her as a measuring stick, and you can't go wrong.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

Wow. What a monster. Seriously, well done. People my age were really discouraged from looking at our parents like they were fallible creatures, and it feels like last week I finally saw my mother for what she is. I mean, it's been a little longer than that, but you know. I got another friend my age who still can't see her parents for what they are. It's a sad and helpless thing to see a grown woman choose shackles because of idk, fear of the unknown? Because SEEING your parents isn't something a good daughter does? You've saved youself years of denial here. I undestand that often it won't feel like it, but you're really ahead of the game. Just use her as a measuring stick, and you can't go wrong.

Thank you again. It does mean a lot to me, I hope your journey in life becomes easier and filled with joy. Remember not to give your full pity to people just because they are your family, if they hurt you, they shouldnt try to convince you it wasnt that bad, put yourself and your own needs above anything else, they should take their own. They dont deserve anything from you for bringing you to life, take your time to heal and if you ever will be ready to forgive them- thats great power to you, but if not- thats fine too and I hope you will find your peace without letting them close again

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Fuck yeah!!! God, I've always wanted to throw someone's words in their faces, but I have the memory of a dust mite. Well done.
They say success is the best revenge, and if you just manage self-sustenance, it'll drive her nuts, because it seems she never got that far. For her sake, I hope you outlive her. Such things can be done, with spite as fuel, but you do whatever is best for you. Congratulations on your emancipation. How did you learn she was a narcissist? Seems like kids these days are way more psychologically savvy than we were back in the day.

Out of curiosity why would you be on a "suicidal" website and yet saying the best revenge is outliving the "abuser"?

Do you think outliving someone is the best revenge them why do you want to ctb yourself??? Because surely anyone who is on a suicidal website means they have no desire to live and they don't enjoy living.

Your comment seems contradictory because according to you outliving someone means that they have succeeded but yet you are on a suicidal website? (Please correct me if I'm wrong).

Just thought I should ask and explain your thought process behind this ?

I find it interesting that you said outliving someone is success and yet suicide is one of the leading causes of death … If living that long was such a success then why do most people want to end their lives and that includes you since you are on a suicidal website .

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

Ive been living out of my house for a while now, Im taking care of my friends teenage daughter while she's working in Netherlands, because the pay is awful here

My mother at first just took it as a joke, but it was certainly serious, my friend told me to pack up my stuff and go to her after I starved myself enough to go weak at the store she was currently working at. shes amazing, as she basically kept me here for my entire internship free of charge, even sending me money for food and I've been feeling better on a significantly lower dose of SSRIS than I was in junior highschool on, shes a gift for me and I wanna give her a big gift after I earn enough for it.
But this post isn't entirely about her, as I'm still struggling with my mother sometimes calling mea and trying to pity me out of moving away to a completly different city, as both of my siblings don't spend a lot of time at home either, with me being the youngest and moving on quickly as I was able to get a graphic design internship after finishing high school, since in our country you can choose either education, education and work and mostly work with some education. Im pretty sure that I will get a job somewhere, as its a new thing to have small advertising companies around the country now
But I feel like my mom still treats me like a joke, like Ill come back after my unavoidable failure (ha, I'd rather starve to death on the streets than go back to her) and recently she started realizing that there is a chance I will succeed so she decided to try to get me to pity her enough to at least meet up with her again.
Since I was young she was pointing out how I looked, shoving her fingers into my zits or commenting on my weight that I have struggled with since I can remember, with my self esteem taking a great hit from that. Okay, I can take it. She joked about me being a man after I cut my hair a lot shorter- after I joked about it back she beraded me publicly, demanding me not to tell anyone because they will laugh- no matter if its family or friends. That was fine too, I thought it was wreid that I feel that way because of her. After I started going to a psychiatrist she started telling me that I'm doing this to destroy her mentally, eventually asking me if she should kill herself if I hate her so much and it was starting to be too much for me, as she would casually tell me that I should move in with my dad (he had no spare rooms in his flat), that she sees that I dont wanna be around her and that shes a such terrible mother, adding later with a lot of passive agression that she was paying for so much for me, my schools, my food and 'my bills' (i was like. 15. also education is free besides some fees for the community), later changing the topic to how she could make me work at 14, starve me and make me sleep in a basement and how good she is because she is providing basic necessities for me.
She would threaten to throw the cat out the balcony, knowing I loved him dearly, she would berade me every time I asked for money, at some point I mentioned to her that Im earning for most of my things myself with art commisions, she again belittled me and asked me where is my transfer for the bills. she was getting 'okay' amount of alimony from my dad and it would pay most of my expenses, she said its nothing.
With the amount of times she was commenting on how I look, she pushed me to a point where I would either starve myself untill she left, after which I would eat anything I could find in the fridge or make a few sandwitches and clean everything up so she could never tell I ate. I dont even know why I was doing that, I just felt my stomach twist and my hunger dissipating after she saw me get food or she brought any to me (I told her about this issue, she just said that shes my mother and she will keep doing this because its her house)
Many things came down to 'its my house' whenever I asked her not to hug me when I dont expect it, which she kept doing to the point of me avoiding any physical contact with her, I asked her to stop sweetening my deadname, which she was doing on purpose, as even after a psychiatrist visit and me asking her in front of my doctor helped for a few days only and it went back to the house argument. I would start smoking at late 15y/o because at first- it made me feel lightheaded in contrast to the heaviness I constantly was feeling, I dont think she ever found out, but had her suspicions.
I think it all took a turn after coronavirus spread and she would listen to the church too much, going into antisemitism to explain the virus (not even a hyperbole, she said that the jews want to take over our country so they invented corona to take our citizens out and buy all of the land)
It all could have gone differently, I asked her to apologize, which she did with even more self centered texts like 'oh sorry for being a stressed single mom', 'but you made me hit you' or the most textbook gaslightings like 'I didnt mean for you to feel that way' and 'It wasnt what I had on my mind' (with the second one being that one time she told me she will kick me out of the house 'if im such an adult', all because I was sent an automatic letter from the bank, informing me that my and my mothers accounts are now dissconected from each other, she also wouldnt register that it was automatic and I didnt do anything no matter how many times I said it, later saying she only did it because she wanted to send me money if I ran out of it, which she never did before, even on a different side- she was giving me less money because my sister was sometimes making me little transfers. The money I needed to get to a different city so I could study)
I tried to explain to her that I dont care about her intent, which sounded dumb and baseless and just wanted her to apologize without adding anything, to which she would either only say 'sorry' or keep on with her lengthy explanation why she was hurting me so much, after I confronted her about her jumping out with suicide threats without a bigger reason she said she 'wanted to give me a taste of my own medicine' I never mentioned to her I was suicidal. The school psychologist told it to our teacher and she passed that info. When I vented about it to my sister she said that she once told it to her and I realized why my mom was so 'sure' I did tell her that, she either just projected it onto me or lied on the spot hoping I would just accept it

I know she had problems, but she just passed it down to me and my siblings.

Well, finally its time for today
She called me some time ago with her 'ask me whats wrong' tone, saying later (unprompted) that she is depressed and she should go to a doctor
What she wanted me to say then? I just told her to go and she kept on saying how shes weak and unable to take care of herself. and it was the moment I got angry. I started repeating everything that she told me in my childhood, as well as the fact that just a year ago she was saying she doesnt need a therapist because she feels great, that depression is just laziness and lack of will, that god can cure it, I told her that I still had some flyers she gave me years ago about how your diet makes you depressed, told her to go on a stroll and she would feel better. Suddenly she was just making 'mhm' noises because I knew that she had nothing else to say. She expected me to treat her better than she did me just because she tried to fill in a broken bridge with expensive things she would sometimes buy me (unprompted as well, but I cant think of many instances of that, except for my phone and a big music player with sorroundsound when I asked for a radio so I could play my cds, as well as my laptop that she outright said that I now have to listen to her or she would take it away, with 'listening' being detransitioning socially and taking all of her insults without a negative reaction, at some point I just stopped feeling any kinds of dopamine rushes because I knew she wanted something and I started feeling more scared of it than anything)

She always says she never meant wrong, but she did do it. She wont apologize like a normal person because she has to be in the right. I know that some of her shit goes back to before I was born from what my father told me, maybe thats why she was making me feel like he was the root of all evil for such a long time

I will be moving in with my best friend and her family soon, Im stressed, as I still starve myself and seek self destruction, from swallowing pills with alcohol to contemplating getting high off perscription drugs, mid-hard drugs in general and realized she got into my head again, Im repeating myself everything she told me about everything going terrible. As much as Im unemployed now, I feel like Im loosing entire portions of my days, with this constantly persistent thought of me spiraling just before I was supposed to be the best me to get settled in a completly new place and start fresh. But every single thing puts me out of any sense of composure I thought I had and I really feel like killing myself is the best way out.

Sorry for the long post and thank to anyone who heard me out, goodnight

Awww I'm so sorry that you went through all of that it sounds like it was a nightmare for you but did you ever explain everything to her like the way you just explained here ?? Because I can't seem to understand why would anyone do that to her own child and also why would she not listen to you after doing to you what you have just mentioned here. Something seems strange but then sometimes reality can sound more fictional than the reality.

And also I can understand if that's your mum because you are her responsibility however if it wasn't your mum then I can understand her feeling overwhelmed with being asked for things all the times as they might have had other things they needed to take care of.

I find it interesting because I do remember seeing a story somewhere and I think I should share it and the story goes like this and it is very different from what I'm reading here though ( but I do understand since this is a different story that I had read)

The story goes like this they were two sisters who went to look for their relative's "friend" on social media to talk bad about them but when asked they would deny because the relative wanted to sort out the issue and ask why they would make such allegations. Even the relatives's friend who they had spoken to referring to them as "marara" and what type of kids "vanotaura zvinoitika mumba" and also the relatives' friend warned the relative saying that the sisters were very dangerous especially the younger sister and said "you should be very careful around her as she will end up looking for your bf online to ruin your life" I remember this line from that story very well as it sounded like a very strong warning to someone who would be a target of someone very dangerous and had intentions to cause harm.

From this story I remember the relative even asked the two sisters what the issue was and the sisters would deny and deny and mind you the sisters had made serious and similar allegations against their dad and "step mum" - I do remember those accusations from that story that even social services were called and the dad was even called at their school. The dad called the two sisters liars who made him fall out with his other relatives and he wanted to send them back to their home country - so recollections might vary here ( what I mean by this is that the really the truth or the truth from their side because they want to justify their actions)

The irony of it all from this story that I read is that the relative's mother didn't even want them and said she wasn't comfortable having those two sisters around because they had caused too many issues with their father that the father was even called at their school (and also from what I remember from the story the relative had to plead with their mum to let them stay with them even though the mum kept on saying no I don't want them here) and oh the relatives mum also used to complain on how expensive it was having them around ( like it was burdensome for them to be around) something the relative never mentioned to anyone until towards the ending of the story.

And also from this same story that I read i remember the relative asked the two sisters of the bullying allegations and all they did was deny and even the older sister mentioned all the good memories they had with the relative- so who is lying and who is telling the truth here? And who is the villain and the victim here ??

Considering the ending of the story I know the relative end up regretting pleading for those two sisters when the relatives mum was vehemently against having them around in the first place (something the relative would have taken to the grave if the story didn't have this ending). From this story there was no one innocent here and everyone was just as bad as another, like what the relative's friend said yeah "the two sisters were very dangerous" indeed even though he was part and the main perpetrator of this mess from this story and the relative's friend was the most two faced character that I have ever read in my entire life and I don't think anyone would top him for being the most two faced character and I remember from the story the relatives mum even said the relatives friend is someone "anoda kudhumhanisa wanhu musoro" and she was right.

Just to add in the story from 2018 the sisters even went to visit their home country and the relatives friend said oh "maihwe nyaya dzichabuda ikoko" and even made some terrible comments about how the sisters looked like village girls however saying the older sister was the one who was a little better looking than the younger sister. I also do remember in the story that the relative's friend had that habit of making fun of other people's looks even though he said he was a good guy.

The ending is that the sisters relative was the main character and the story ended with her choosing her own ending because side characters in the story were trying to make themselves victims when the truth was far from this.

OP I hope you can read my story and heal because from the sound of it you sound as if you have a strong hatred for her.

I wish you all the best in your next chapter of your life.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

Out of curiosity why would you be on a "suicidal" website and yet saying the best revenge is outliving the "abuser"?

Do you think outliving someone is the best revenge when why do you want to ctb yourself??? Because surely anyone who is on a suicidal website means they have no desire to live and they don't enjoy living.

Your comment seems contradictory because according to you outliving someone means that they have succeeded but yet you are on a suicidal website? (Please correct me if I'm wrong).

Just thought I should ask and explain your thought process behind this ?

I find it interesting that you said outliving someone is success and yet suicide is one of the leading causes of death … If living that long was such a success then why do most people want to end their lives and that includes you since you are on a suicidal website .

I went in here not to look for ctb methods, but mostly to talk about thoughts about it, as well as generally vent
I am suicidal, but it's mostly mood swings or hard moments in life that get to me the hardest

I wont tell anyone not to do that here, as if they really want to do it, they should avoid doing it 'unsafely'
I feel like this site isn't only to look for ctb methods (though its nice for me to have a thought of being able to escape), but generally discuss your thoughts as well and well- the tag 'venting' isn't here for no reason. Maybe I will outlive my mother and it gives me more strenght to live, maybe I will ctb someday, who knows, the comment was nice either way

Awww I'm so sorry that you went through all of that it sounds like it was a nightmare for you but did you ever explained everything to her like the way you just explained here ?? Because I can't seem to understand why would anyone do that to her own child and also why would she not listen to you after doing to you what you have just mentioned here. Something seems strange but then sometimes reality can sound more fictional than the reality.

And also I can understand if that's your mum because you are her responsibility however if it wasn't your mum then I can understand her feeling overwhelmed with being asked for things all the times as they might have had other things they needed to take care of.

I find it interesting because I do remember seeing a story somewhere and I think I should share it and the story goes like this and it is very different from what I'm reading here.

The story goes like this they were two sisters who went to look for their relative's "friend" on social media to talk bad about them but when asked they would deny because the relative wanted to sort out the issue and ask why they would make such allegations. Even the relatives's friend who they had spoken to referring to them as "marara" and what type of kids "vanotaura zvinoitika mumba" and also the relatives' friend warned the relative saying that the sisters were very dangerous especially the younger sister and said "you should be very careful around her as she will end up looking for your bf online to ruin your life" I remember this line from that story very well as it sounded like a very strong warning to someone who would be a target of someone very dangerous and had intentions to cause harm.

From this story I remember the relative even asked the two sisters what the issue was and the sisters would deny and deny and mind you the sisters had made serious and similar allegations against their dad and "step mum" - I do remember those accusations from that story that even social services were called and the dad was even called at their school. The dad called the two sisters liars who made him fall out with his other relatives and he wanted to send them back to their home country - so recollections might vary here ( what I mean by this is that the really the truth or the truth from their side because they want to justify their actions)

The irony of it all from this story that I read is that the relative's mother didn't even want them and said she wasn't comfortable having those two sisters around because they had caused too many issues with their father that the father was even called at their school (and also from what I remember from the story the relative had to plead with their mum to let them stay with them even though the mum kept on saying no I don't want them here) and oh the relatives mum also used to complain on how expensive it was having them around ( like it was burdensome for them to be around) something the relative never mentioned to anyone until towards the ending of the story.

And also from this same story that I read i remember the relative asked the two sisters of the bullying allegations and all they did was deny and even the older sister mentioned all the good memories they had with the relative- so who is lying and who is telling the truth here? And who is the villain and the victim here ??

Considering the ending of the story I know the relative end up regretting pleading for those two sisters when the relatives mum was vehemently against having them around in the first place (something the relative would have taken to the grave if the story didn't have this ending). From this story there was no one innocent here and everyone was just as bad as another another, like what the relative's friend said yeah "the two sisters were very dangerous" indeed even though he was part and the main perpetrator of this mess from this story and the relative's friend was the most two faced character that I have ever read in my entire life.

Just to add in the story from 2018 the sisters even went to visit their home country and the relatives friend said oh "maihwe nyaya dzichabuda ikoko" and even made some terrible comments about how the sisters looked like village girls however saying the older sister was the one who was a little better looking than the younger sister. I also do remember in the story that the relative's friend had that habit of making fun of other people's looks even though he said he was a good guy.

The ending is that the sisters relative was the main character and the story ended with her choosing her own ending because side characters in the story were trying to make themselves victims when the truth was far from this.

OP I hope you can read my story and heal because from the sound of it you sound as if you have a strong hatred for her.

I wish you all the best in your next chapter of your life.

I did try explaining her everything, how her words made me cut off from my friends, as she was saying that if i have bad grades no one will like me and i was like 10-13 when she would mention it every time i wasnt doing well in school, i explained her everything calmly, how her insults never seemed to come out of worry and good faith and how her physical violence was painful for me, she refused everything and kept trying to turn the tables into me being an awful child and her being this amazing parent acting out of stress, every time there was an issue i brought up, it was ignored and changed into either 'i love you so i can do this' or ' its my house so you have to obey', I confronted her upfront that everything she did in those situations was not normal and she should see a therapist and talk about it- but not only from her squeaky clean perspective, but also from mine and my siblings.
I seriously doubt she ever was as she puts herself to be, mentioned in my post- she did it even before even my brother was born and my sister was in the single digits age, as well as whenever I mention anything she does to me- my siblings back me up saying they experienced the same situation simmilary/exacly the same and I doubt that its all a massive scheme made by everyone in my closest family but my mom and me
Not to mention she would pocket alimony that was supposed to go to us (after my siblings and me moved out)
Your story is certainly interesting, but I really believe that she was in the wrong for making me feel awful for reaching out for help, only mentioning that it would stain her image in the neighbourhood and asking if I want her to kill herself on the way to my first psychiatrist ride. I mentioned that I know she had her issues too, but she instead of working them out, let them control her, maybe she knew what she was doing wasnt good, but she chose a church rabbit hole as her therapy and somehow ended up being even wreider with her sudden repulsion to vaccines and conspiracy theories, maybe I was often angry at her because every day off I had to wake up with her in the kitchen listening loudly to some church podcasts talking about homosexuality being a sin and jews being the root of all evil, but it doesnt really make her justice for what she would be doing
only time can tell if ill ever forgive her, for now, I need a break from her. Maybe a long one

And thank you, I will do my best to not have to go back to her for help

 

[delora]

First of all, well done @SplitInfrastructure! As the daughter of a narcissistic mother myself, I know just how hard it is to move out and stop falling into their guilt-riddled traps. They absolutely hate it when we leave since it means they won't be able to control us anymore.

I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such an awful situation. No one should have to endure that. The way you describe it reminded me a lot of my experiences, as my mother would do many of the same things: insulting, making herself out to be the victim, gaslighting... It all hit too close to home. I think "it's my house" might have been her favorite phrase, hah. It sucks.

Reading your posts though, it's nice to see that you're so aware and understand how wrong she is. You've been brave for taking this step and distancing yourself before it got any worse. Don't ever let her make you feel guilty at all and take as much time as you need. We have every right to refuse to be in contact with someone who's hurt us, even if that's a parent. You're right, we owe them nothing. Especially not forgiveness, which in my opinion should be earned.

Wish you the best in your endeavors, no matter what you decide to do with your life — it's completely yours now.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

When you say physical violence like did she beat you up or what?? Because I would like you to clarify this for me because that's what I'm taking from here. It's good you reached out to a therapist though not to her "friend" but denying it after being asked like the way I mentioned in that story that I read. So you did the right thing.

Oh that's terrible if she said that "if you had bad grades that no one will like you" because I will tell you my own story I had a niece who I wanted to do very well in school and I remember her asking me to visit her school on parents day and I did and I remember her maths teacher telling me how bad she was at maths and I remember telling her how good I was at maths and even telling her she will need to pass maths as it's one those fundamental subjects that you should have and I even offered to help her whenever she was struggling with maths and she did come to ask me a few times (because I wanted her to do well and if I didn't then I would have never encouraged her to practice her mathematics since I knew she was struggling). Maybe she might have misconstrued my intentions when I said that like you here ( just why I realised it's important to have healthy communication and iron issues out rather than involving outsiders (who have sinister intentions). I also remember even encouraging my younger niece to take a degree in media communications because she said to me that she wanted to work in the media etc.

And also out of interest why didn't you live with your dad and how was your relationship with your dad since your mum was such a terrible person?? Were you and your siblings close to your dad ???

When you say your close family you mean you and your siblings or were there other family members involved and in the story ?? In the story mentioned earlier I remember the relatives mum asking the younger sibling if she had reached out to the relatives friend via Facebook ( because the relative mum had clearly told them not to as she didn't want trouble and drama because of the drama the siblings had caused with their dad) but she denied (lied) and later on asked the relatives friend's to lie to the relatives mum (saying that the siblings had never reached out to the relative's friend) saying it was all orchestrated by the siblings relative. To me this is one of the most conniving thing that anyone can do and really spiteful actually ( that's what I thought when I read the story). It would be interesting to know your opinion on this?? Because I remember from this story this was the game changer that made the relatives mum and the relative to have a huge fall out because the relatives couldn't believe that her mum would believe liars and she did something out of anger and hurt ( one of the things she surely regrets) that end up causing other family members to say it was wrong for the siblings relative to do (but something that all the family members don't know is the back story of this ). However, that doesn't still excuse the way the relatives's reaction but sometimes anyone can make mistakes like that as we are all humans ( so the family members don't have and don't know the full story including the the relatives mum because of the lie the siblings made with the relatives friend).

As for the homophobic comments I know a lot of people that hold the same views and tbh it's something that I learned overtime not to judge because no one choose who they like (as long as they are open and honest about it) this is something interestingly I know some people have these same views ( but I think you should have asked her to stop with the homophobia if you didn't want to hear about it) because maybe at the time is was because she was brainwashed with religion and pure ignorance on her side.

I don't know much about Jews and them being the root of evil but I do remember me and my older niece joking about "vafuridzi" and it was a name we both invented because we didn't want people to know what it actually meant when we were outside. I do remember being very critical for people who used religion to mass shoot or kill other people - so I had a very strong distain for people who would kill others whilst using religion as an excuse and me and my older niece agreed on that.

Like what I said in the story that I read the older sibling mentioned to the relative how she had a lot of good memory with the relative and how they used to have so much fun together and even accused the relative's friend of being toxic and trying to destroy their relationship. So as long as your sibling was honest to your mum with how she felt your mum treated her then that's fair.

I can understand from your perceptive to be honest because no one wants to be a villain in their story. As for the alimony money, I thought alimony's money from your father would have been money that she would have been entitled to no ?? Or was it money that was meant to be for you and your siblings??

Just to add a few more things - from the story that I read the relative and the siblings had decided to make peace so why did they start to recycle stories (according to them from at least 5 years ago ) why did they go and try to destroy the relative life five years later whilst smiling to the relatives's face, why couldn't they distance themselves from the relative because from what I remember in the story it was the relative that blocked the siblings and also a few weeks earlier the siblings had spent time with the relative and smiling with her whilst plotting against her behind her back. What would be your take on this story ?? I'm just asking from the relative's point of view here.

Sorry just another question how did her words made you cut off from your friends ?? Can you please elaborate on this??

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

First of all, well done @SplitInfrastructure! As the daughter of a narcissistic mother myself, I know just how hard it is to move out and stop falling into their guilt-riddled traps. They absolutely hate it when we leave since it means they won't be able to control us anymore.

I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such an awful situation. No one should have to endure that. The way you describe it reminded me a lot of my experiences, as my mother would do many of the same things: insulting, making herself out to be the victim, gaslighting... It all hit too close to home. I think "it's my house" might have been her favorite phrase, hah. It sucks.

Reading your posts though, it's nice to see that you're so aware and understand how wrong she is. You've been brave for taking this step and distancing yourself before it got any worse. Don't ever let her make you feel guilty at all and take as much time as you need. We have every right to refuse to be in contact with someone who's hurt us, even if that's a parent. You're right, we owe them nothing. Especially not forgiveness, which in my opinion should be earned.

Wish you the best in your endeavors, no matter what you decide to do with your life — it's completely yours now.

my love goes out to you, I hope you got your peace as well, if not- then I hope it comes to you very soon
You never deserved anything she put you through, take good care of yourself

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

my love goes out to you, I hope you got your peace as well, if not- then I hope it comes to you very soon
You never deserved anything she put you through, take good care of yourself

I guess you couldn't answer my questions, I wish you the very best with your future endeavours

Ps when it comes to the alimony money sounds like your mum is the relative's mother in the story I read - interesting

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

I guess you couldn't answer my questions, I wish you the very best with your future endeavours

Ps when it comes to the alimony money sounds like your mum is the relative's mother in the story I read - interesting

ah, sorry, maybe my site bugged and I havent the comment at first
By using physical force i mean mostly grabbing and yanking my arms, but once she did that with my ear to the point of it gently tearing up, not a lot gladly so it healed by itself, she didnt beat me often but it was an occurance
my dad left when I was like 8, then she constantly talked shit about him to me, recently trying to make it look like he raped her, though she clearly said she agreed to do it because 'she wanted to be a good wife' (gee i wonder which religious book has scripts about wives submissing to their husbands)
Id avoid calling it a story, its whatever i was able to read from my diary I was typing in a code so she wouldnt get to it lol, she told her own sister with dipolar depression to just go on strolls daily, as well as many other cousins mentioning shes definetly wreid, as well as my dad experiencing some of the shit she did as well
Yes, I told her to stop her transphobic and homophobic comments, she didnt listen, saying how I was brainwashed into cutting my hair (ironic considering her current conspiracy theory obsession that is passed by the church)
Religion should not be a reason to hurt anyone else, but in my country theres often those die-hard christians who will hold the belief of their book being the only one sacred and their god being our lord- going back to the homophobia- I tried explaining her that the original bible verse about homosexuality was once a verse about pedophilia, she didnt elaborate on my sentence and just moved on to say that 'gays are pedophiles'
The money at first was given for our upkeep, but she sometimes acted like it was supposed to be our entire monthly budget on us, she is greedy, and definetly used the fact that our dad was sending her all of the money instead of us, going back nearly a year, where she threatened me to kick me out because she wont be sent it anymore since I dont want to seek higher education and Ill have to pay her for living with her- which is fair, but in this city its hard to get employed in a fucking alcohol store. My dad kept sending her the money, she kept complaining about her bills even two months after I left to live with my friend, not sending me the money from dad and instead framed it like she was a white knight by asking me if i have money and whenever I said 'not a lot' she would send me a portion of the cash without a word about it being from my dad, after she did it the second time I told my dad about it he was sending the money to me and my brother directly
I have a good relationship with my dad despite my mom set it up to be different by making me ask him uncomfortable questions when I still was 8, we still talk, I meet him more than her
Her words were thrown around when I was still an impressionable kid to my teenage life when I studied in a different city, she would constantly tell me that my friends dont like me and laugh at me for being trans behind my back, she would regulary comment on my grades being low and saying how no one will want to be friends with an idiot, to some point in my life I just trusted her, I started distancing from my junior high school friends, basically not having any contact with them for my entire high school
Ironically- I recently messaged my best friend from primary to junior high school and we started hanging out again, playing games and meeting up. Ironically it was one of my friends that she would most specifically compare my grades to, as she was indeed very smart, she now is studying robotics in one of the difficult to get to unis in here and her parents and sister didnt forget me either, gladly I was able to at least get those people back in my life that i cared the most for

Id appreciate no more questions though as im already dumping out my life here lol

 

[Aisley]

Out of curiosity why would you be on a "suicidal" website and yet saying the best revenge is outliving the "abuser"?

Do you think outliving someone is the best revenge them why do you want to ctb yourself??? Because surely anyone who is on a suicidal website means they have no desire to live and they don't enjoy living.

Your comment seems contradictory because according to you outliving someone means that they have succeeded but yet you are on a suicidal website? (Please correct me if I'm wrong).

Just thought I should ask and explain your thought process behind this ?

I find it interesting that you said outliving someone is success and yet suicide is one of the leading causes of death … If living that long was such a success then why do most people want to end their lives and that includes you since you are on a suicidal website .

what I said is "they say success is the best revenge." And I never throw those words out without the qualifier, ' they say', because I've never managed success myself. And in op's case, their mother is just the type to compare them and begrudge every measure of quality of life op achieves with resentment. A bad mother. In that, if op pays rent with a paycheck, not alimony, it'll eat at this awful woman in all the right ways. Just little things like that are nails in the coffin. And if instead, op were to catch the bus, this woman would turn it into a win by assuming control of the narrative, as narcissists do.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

what I said is "they say success is the best revenge." And I never throw those words out without the qualifier, ' they say', because I've never managed success myself. And in op's case, their mother is just the type to compare them and begrudge every measure of quality of life op achieves with resentment. A bad mother. In that, if op pays rent with a paycheck, not alimony, it'll eat at this awful woman in all the right ways. Just little things like that are nails in the coffin. And if instead, op were to catch the bus, this woman would turn it into a win by assuming control of the narrative, as narcissists do.

honestly, when I was around 13-15 that was the thing that scared me the most about it. I wanted to mail my sister the suicide letter because I knew she would contort it, but at the same time I didnt want my sister to have to go through that, I wanted to prove her wrong with her 'perfect christian parenting' but I just knew it would get lost when it got into her hands, she would blame it on either my dad or the 'transgenderism propaganda'. Well I guess the thought of that kept me alive enough to see her distanced from myself

I was supposed to pay rent with a portion of my half a minimum wage internship paycheck (which I mentioned wouldnt be a problem) but before I was able to get a call back from a job I applied, the alimony went to her to add to the bills and after I moved out (like two months after) she just played like it was support from her, which was awful for many reasons
The job situation is frustrating, because we just had a new store built in our area and literally two weeks before it even opened the employee list was completly full, the only job I could get before my graphic design internship was at a factory with a minimum wage and from what I heard they were just abusing their young employees and paying dogcrap, I would probably be working there if they didnt piss me out by letting me apply for a secretary job and then just taking someone on that place from contacts, without even giving me a call back to inform me that this spot is taken and I still have the worker spot
I applied to everything I was able to and guess what- nothing for the entire summer after graduation, she was making it seem like I wasnt looking for a job at all and again- wouldnt take an explanation that its not easy in a small city like this and that she was on her high horse since she was working at the same place for 35+ years only changing her workplace once in her entire career

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

ah, sorry, maybe my site bugged and I havent the comment at first
By using physical force i mean mostly grabbing and yanking my arms, but once she did that with my ear to the point of it gently tearing up, not a lot gladly so it healed by itself, she didnt beat me often but it was an occurance
my dad left when I was like 8, then she constantly talked shit about him to me, recently trying to make it look like he raped her, though she clearly said she agreed to do it because 'she wanted to be a good wife' (gee i wonder which religious book has scripts about wives submissing to their husbands)
Id avoid calling it a story, its whatever i was able to read from my diary I was typing in a code so she wouldnt get to it lol, she told her own sister with dipolar depression to just go on strolls daily, as well as many other cousins mentioning shes definetly wreid, as well as my dad experiencing some of the shit she did as well
Yes, I told her to stop her transphobic and homophobic comments, she didnt listen, saying how I was brainwashed into cutting my hair (ironic considering her current conspiracy theory obsession that is passed by the church)
Religion should not be a reason to hurt anyone else, but in my country theres often those die-hard christians who will hold the belief of their book being the only one sacred and their god being our lord- going back to the homophobia- I tried explaining her that the original bible verse about homosexuality was once a verse about pedophilia, she didnt elaborate on my sentence and just moved on to say that 'gays are pedophiles'
The money at first was given for our upkeep, but she sometimes acted like it was supposed to be our entire monthly budget on us, she is greedy, and definetly used the fact that our dad was sending her all of the money instead of us, going back nearly a year, where she threatened me to kick me out because she wont be sent it anymore since I dont want to seek higher education and Ill have to pay her for living with her- which is fair, but in this city its hard to get employed in a fucking alcohol store. My dad kept sending her the money, she kept complaining about her bills even two months after I left to live with my friend, not sending me the money from dad and instead framed it like she was a white knight by asking me if i have money and whenever I said 'not a lot' she would send me a portion of the cash without a word about it being from my dad, after she did it the second time I told my dad about it he was sending the money to me and my brother directly
I have a good relationship with my dad despite my mom set it up to be different by making me ask him uncomfortable questions when I still was 8, we still talk, I meet him more than her
Her words were thrown around when I was still an impressionable kid to my teenage life when I studied in a different city, she would constantly tell me that my friends dont like me and laugh at me for being trans behind my back, she would regulary comment on my grades being low and saying how no one will want to be friends with an idiot, to some point in my life I just trusted her, I started distancing from my junior high school friends, basically not having any contact with them for my entire high school
Ironically- I recently messaged my best friend from primary to junior high school and we started hanging out again, playing games and meeting up. Ironically it was one of my friends that she would most specifically compare my grades to, as she was indeed very smart, she now is studying robotics in one of the difficult to get to unis in here and her parents and sister didnt forget me either, gladly I was able to at least get those people back in my life that i cared the most for

Id appreciate no more questions though as im already dumping out my life here lol

You said she was grabbing you ( in the story I remember the relative grabbing the younger sibling's arm out of frustration ) because the younger sibling was sending messages to the relative's ex and the ex was sending abusive texts to the relative as a result and the relative was asking her to stop but the younger siblings denied (lied) that she wasn't doing so and the relative's mother even asked her if she was doing that and she said no ( what was the younger sibling's motive for actually sending messages to the relative's ex that used to call her an ugly c (word) to the relative and yanking your arms ?? What does that even mean and then she was beating you as an occurrence?? (If it is a supermodel then it's a lie! Lie lie lie!!)… just thought how can someone make something like that. In my story as for the beating - the younger sibling got a huge scratch with blood on her arm after a physical fight with the older sibling ( I think it left even a scar of the younger sibling's arm at the time ) and the relative asked them to stop and the younger sibling was even crying. I wonder if the younger sister can say that it was abuse or being beaten up by the older sibling to other people. I do even remember in the story the younger sibling complaining to the relative on how the older sibling didn't want to help her especially with the laptop and the (monster) relative ended up giving her laptop to use ( even giving her the laptop password so she can use whenever she wanted that she ended up giving the relative's friend the relative's work contacts in order to contact her workplace with spiteful allegations )

Oh interesting with the rape story, did she tell you yourself that your father tried to rape her ?? Or did you hear from someone else's maybe your father told you this and did you have a good relationship with him ???.. ( you can't speculate here unless if you heard it directly from her. In the story I read the relative's friend was telling everyone that the relative had accused him of rape which was/is a LIE and the relative friend actually said a lot of bad things about the siblings to the relative maybe the siblings were just happy that they ended up using the relative's friend to destroy the relative's friend life (he did redeem himself here to the siblings). To say gays and transgenders are pedophiles is a bit extreme but then I have heard worse from the "avatar" who said they deserve to burn in hell ( the avatar who told the relative that the younger sibling always bring her drama and she hated it and that she was tired of it that was in 2018 in the story I read). Also in the story I remember the relative's friend saying "it's disgusting " as in you know being homosexual.. I wonder what is your take on his opinion on this??

If she threatened to kick you out then I'm not too sure why she said that and also did she really threatened you to kick you out though or maybe it was a misunderstanding?? ( wow describing her as acting as a white knight) ? ( it's interesting the acting white knight was right when she said she didn't want the siblings because they would end up causing issues like they did with their dad because In the end the relative and relative's mother were the only ones that ended up being affected by this tragedy). It's very bizarre how can a mother say to their child that no one wants to be a friend with an idiot?? That's so extreme….

Even if your mum had told her cousin to go take a stroll maybe she meant well as fresh air can help you when you are depressed I would assume that she is not a psychiatrist to be able to give the right advice.

It's interesting to me that you didn't answer any of my questions in the story i read because I really wanted your input as well but rather you avoided all of them …I wonder why in my story the younger sibling would tell her secret to the (monster) relative but yet ask her not to tell her older sibling who she trusted so much and also I remember the younger sibling specifically saying that she never felt loved by the dad as the older sibling used to always get what she wanted and that she always felt left out and how the older sibling would always tell other people her secrets. Even the monstrous accusations were thrown at the siblings step mum in my story (the relative remembers everything) but the father clearly told the relatives' mum that the siblings were LIARS!! And that they had made up stories of abuse at school etc ….

In the story towards the end I read how the siblings mum was complaining on how the younger sibling only sent her 20 quid etc( go figure ) and how the older sibling was telling the mother that she has to come and work for herself in a foreign country ( I just realised that this story has a lot back stabbing and bitching about each other even though it's the only the relative and the relative's mother affected massively by this)

I bet the younger sibling is so happy that this is the ending ( the younger sibling is the most cunning and dangerous character like the relative friend had described her) and even avatar had warned the relative on how someone in the so called family was killing the relative slowly and that it would be too late before the relative realised it that was in 2018 and now I guess the avatar's prediction was correct because in the ending of the story I read the relative end up completing ctb as she was just tired of the drama, lying and scheming etc. and the younger sibling thought outliving a monster (the relative) is a great success but in the relative's eyes her greatest success would have been to complete ctb successfully. I guess this is how individuals views success differently.

 

[SplitInfrastructure]

You said she was grabbing you ( in the story I remember the relative grabbing the younger sibling's arm out of frustration ) because the younger sibling was sending messages to the relative's ex and the ex was sending abusive texts to the relative as a result and the relative was asking her to stop but the younger siblings denied (lied) that she wasn't doing so and the relative's mother even asked her if she was doing that and she said no ( what was the younger sibling's motive for actually sending messages to the relative's ex that used to call her an ugly c (word) to the relative and yanking your arms ?? What does that even mean and then she was beating you as an occurrence?? (If it is a supermodel then it's a lie! Lie lie lie!!)… just thought how can someone make something like that. In my story as for the beating - the younger sibling got a huge scratch with blood on her arm after a physical fight with the older sibling ( I think it left even a scar of the younger sibling's arm at the time ) and the relative asked them to stop and the younger sibling was even crying. I wonder if the younger sister can say that it was abuse or being beaten up by the older sibling to other people. I do even remember in the story the younger sibling complaining to the relative on how the older sibling didn't want to help her especially with the laptop and the (monster) relative ended up giving her laptop to use ( even giving her the laptop password so she can use whenever she wanted that she ended up giving the relative's friend the relative's work contacts in order to contact her workplace with spiteful allegations )

Oh interesting with the rape story, did she tell you yourself that your father tried to rape her ?? Or did you hear from someone else's maybe your father told you this and did you have a good relationship with him ???.. ( you can't speculate here unless if you heard it directly from her. In the story I read the relative's friend was telling everyone that the relative had accused him of rape which was/is a LIE and the relative friend actually said a lot of bad things about the siblings to the relative maybe the siblings were just happy that they ended up using the relative's friend to destroy the relative's friend life (he did redeem himself here to the siblings). To say gays and transgenders are pedophiles is a bit extreme but then I have heard worse from the "avatar" who said they deserve to burn in hell ( the avatar who told the relative that the younger sibling always bring her drama and she hated it and that she was tired of it that was in 2018 in the story I read). Also in the story I remember the relative's friend saying "it's disgusting " as in you know being homosexual.. I wonder what is your take on his opinion on this??

If she threatened to kick you out then I'm not too sure why she said that and also did she really threatened you to kick you out though or maybe it was a misunderstanding?? ( wow describing her as acting as a white knight) ? ( it's interesting the acting white knight was right when she said she didn't want the siblings because they would end up causing issues like they did with their dad because In the end the relative and relative's mother were the only ones that ended up being affected by this tragedy). It's very bizarre how can a mother say to their child that no one wants to be a friend with an idiot?? That's so extreme….

Even if your mum had told her cousin to go take a stroll maybe she meant well as fresh air can help you when you are depressed I would assume that she is not a psychiatrist to be able to give the right advice.

It's interesting to me that you didn't answer any of my questions in the story i read because I really wanted your input as well but rather you avoided all of them …I wonder why in my story the younger sibling would tell her secret to the (monster) relative but yet ask her not to tell her older sibling who she trusted so much and also I remember the younger sibling specifically saying that she never felt loved by the dad as the older sibling used to always get what she wanted and that she always felt left out and how the older sibling would always tell other people her secrets. Even the monstrous accusations were thrown at the siblings step mum in my story (the relative remembers everything) but the father clearly told the relatives' mum that the siblings were LIARS!! And that they had made up stories of abuse at school etc ….

In the story towards the end I read how the siblings mum was complaining on how the younger sibling only send her 20 quid etc and how the older sibling was telling the mother that she has to come and work for herself in a foreign country ( I just realised that this story has a lot back stabbing and bitching about each other even though it's the only the relative and the relative's mother affected massively by this)

I bet the younger sibling is so happy that this is the ending ( the younger sibling is the most cunning and dangerous character like the relative friend had described her) and even avatar had warned the relative on how someone in the so called family was killing the relative slowly and that it would be too late before the relative realised it that was in 2018 and now I guess the avatar's prediction was correct because in the ending of the story I read the relative end up completing ctb as she was just tired of the drama, lying and scheming etc. and the younger sibling thought outliving a monster (the relative) is a great success but in the relative's eyes her greatest success would have been to complete ctb successfully I guess this is how individuals views success differently.

I dont really wanna respond to the story, as its not my own- simple, I find it hard to have clear insight on something I wasnt a part of it

Im just gonna respond last time, to the rape thing, as I said there, she tried to frame it like rape
she went all out with her pity tone and said how dad wanted it but she didnt, despite this she clearly agreed to do it to "be a good wife"
Its not alegations, she simply bowed down and said yes instead of no

The stroll thing wasn't just saying shes gonna feel better, she quite literally told her to go to church and take strolls and she will be fine

She did say specifically that she will kick me out of the house when Im of legal age and graduated, she didnt do it, she just used it to push an argument onto me, Im saying she acted like a white knight because she wouldnt send me anything besides like 10 pounds (which even converted to our currency is next to nothing, like a day and a half of food, half a week if youre living off cheap food and chicken soups) for christmas and some one other holiday, when she was receving alimony she would send me cash four times the regular amount- again, not mentioning its from dad and rather acting like it was a gift from her when I was in need

 

[LittleJem]

@SplitInfrastructure for you own mental health and safety you have the right to free yourself from this woman and to not have any contact with her. I have a mother a little like yours - she called my dad the devil incarnate, and then also me and made hurtful comments about my friendships or lack of them together with abusive language. I kept in touch with her for years, but she was always very difficult and then when I got much worse with my mental health, it was unsafe for me to see her with her abuse.

I personally have no regrets about cutting off contact with her. For any of us contemplating suicide, the last thing we need is a mother trying to make us feel worse. Unfortunately, these mothers never change. It is some kind of personality disorder and it is abusive behaviour. You and your siblings have tried to let her know how much it hurts you, but she will never listen. She might 'have her own issues' but she is the parent, and you are not responsible for them.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

honestly, when I was around 13-15 that was the thing that scared me the most about it. I wanted to mail my sister the suicide letter because I knew she would contort it, but at the same time I didnt want my sister to have to go through that, I wanted to prove her wrong with her 'perfect christian parenting' but I just knew it would get lost when it got into her hands, she would blame it on either my dad or the 'transgenderism propaganda'. Well I guess the thought of that kept me alive enough to see her distanced from myself

I was supposed to pay rent with a portion of my half a minimum wage internship paycheck (which I mentioned wouldnt be a problem) but before I was able to get a call back from a job I applied, the alimony went to her to add to the bills and after I moved out (like two months after) she just played like it was support from her, which was awful for many reasons
The job situation is frustrating, because we just had a new store built in our area and literally two weeks before it even opened the employee list was completly full, the only job I could get before my graphic design internship was at a factory with a minimum wage and from what I heard they were just abusing their young employees and paying dogcrap, I would probably be working there if they didnt piss me out by letting me apply for a secretary job and then just taking someone on that place from contacts, without even giving me a call back to inform me that this spot is taken and I still have the worker spot
I applied to everything I was able to and guess what- nothing for the entire summer after graduation, she was making it seem like I wasnt looking for a job at all and again- wouldnt take an explanation that its not easy in a small city like this and that she was on her high horse since she was working at the same place for 35+ years only changing her workplace once in her entire career

Wow it sounds like you trust your sister so much but in the story I read the younger sibling had mentioned on how she didn't trust her older sibling and had asked the relative to keep her secrets and not tell the older sibling . ( recollections seems to vary here )

High horse wow your mum can stay at a job for a long time 35+ years that's a lot. Btw how is your relationship with her ( the white knight). Do you speak to her at all or you cut contact. I do remember the white knight specifically expressing her frustrations on the older sibling for forgetting where she comes from and spending so much time with former Coventry

I would really like your input in this like in the story I read the dad mentioned that the siblings were big LIARS and they had made up a lot accusations… what would be your input on that? Because to me it seems as history repeating itself with always accusing others of abuse!!

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I dont really wanna respond to the story, as its not my own- simple, I find it hard to have clear insight on something I wasnt a part of it

Im just gonna respond last time, to the rape thing, as I said there, she tried to frame it like rape
she went all out with her pity tone and said how dad wanted it but she didnt, despite this she clearly agreed to do it to "be a good wife"
Its not alegations, she simply bowed down and said yes instead of no

The stroll thing wasn't just saying shes gonna feel better, she quite literally told her to go to church and take strolls and she will be fine

She did say specifically that she will kick me out of the house when Im of legal age and graduated, she didnt do it, she just used it to push an argument onto me, Im saying she acted like a white knight because she wouldnt send me anything besides like 10 pounds (which even converted to our currency is next to nothing, like a day and a half of food, half a week if youre living off cheap food and chicken soups) for christmas and some one other holiday, when she was receving alimony she would send me cash four times the regular amount- again, not mentioning its from dad and rather acting like it was a gift from her when I was in need

If she did agree to do it because she wanted to be a good wife then that's not rape, because she did indeed say yes to that. If she had said no then I would have understand so this doesn't even make sense. I mean anyone with common sense will be able to tell but then some people would rather believe the lie than the truth and just that people believe it's the truth doesn't make it the truth. The truth will always be the truth and a lie will always be a lie.

It is quite interesting to me how the i keep on hearing this whole fake rape allegations like in the story that I read the relative friend would deny and lie when asked if he was telling people about these false rape accusations and he would say no. If he was so sure and if he knew it to be the truth then why not admit to it but lie about it. Lying about it when asked by the relative when asked about him spreading the false rape accusations can only mean one thing - HE is the one making it up so that he can justify his beyond nasty ways or his believes that " mate" of his that he claims ruined his and the relative's friendship .

I find it funny how in the story that the younger sibling said outliving someone is the ultimate success like what you ( oppps another poster said here ) and if the relative was so terrible why follow her and show her how happy and successful the younger sibling is. The younger sibling in my story is just full of it and couldn't even answer a simple question when asked but rather dodged the questions all in all. The younger sibling is just as evil as the relatives's friend and if not more evil even sending the relative (monster) a message when the relative friend was being hacked asking if she was okay. When she knew what she was doing behind the scenes, proper nasty with "mr oh she accused me of rape".

I understand from the story I read the younger sibling couldn't even answer anything In regards to the abuse that she got from her older sibling that the relative witnessed with her own eyes and oh it wasn't a one time thing either and she had told the relative how she didn't trust her at all but later on believing that she went through the same abuse ( if the younger sibling didn't trust the older sibling then why did she all of a sudden truth the older sibling)…. Interesting

There was no pity party from the relative's point of view from when I read the story. I keep on thinking if this relative's cousin know that the younger sibling is saying all these things about her "grandma" I kept on thinking about this and poor thing the cousin doesn't even know the younger sibling and mostly definitely the older sibling will also harbour resentment towards the white knight.

I wonder why If the siblings especially younger sibling in my story is such a good daughter ( why send her poor mum only 20 quid that's she had to to end up telling the relatives mum) funny haaa come to the think of it now the siblings made some serious abuse allegations from even their home country when living with (Mai Fortune) that's the characters name I wonder why they are always claiming that people are abusing them but can't take care of their mum properly but rather ask their mum to go to a foreign country and work for herself.

With the stroll thing is not even something to criticise someone with because at the end of the day she is not a mental health professional and if the cousin was bothered by it so much she should have gone and ask someone else.

 

[Aisley]

honestly, when I was around 13-15 that was the thing that scared me the most about it. I wanted to mail my sister the suicide letter because I knew she would contort it, but at the same time I didnt want my sister to have to go through that, I wanted to prove her wrong with her 'perfect christian parenting' but I just knew it would get lost when it got into her hands, she would blame it on either my dad or the 'transgenderism propaganda'. Well I guess the thought of that kept me alive enough to see her distanced from myself

It's what they do, isn't it? Like a signature move, screaming from the rooftops, 'this is all about me and my life-long victimhood.' So glad you waited.

I was supposed to pay rent with a portion of my half a minimum wage internship paycheck (which I mentioned wouldnt be a problem) but before I was able to get a call back from a job I applied, the alimony went to her to add to the bills and after I moved out (like two months after) she just played like it was support from her, which was awful for many reasonso

she's like the goddamn messiah of her own little story, eh? I don't know what it would cost you in self-respect (only you make those calls) but I don't think you should get hung up over taking money from her. She owes you, that's how the parent-child dynamic works.

The job situation is frustrating, because we just had a new store built in our area and literally two weeks before it even opened the employee list was completly full, the only job I could get before my graphic design internship was at a factory with a minimum wage and from what I heard they were just abusing their young employees and paying dogcrap, I would probably be working there if they didnt piss me out by letting me apply for a secretary job and then just taking someone on that place from contacts, without even giving me a call back to inform me that this spot is taken and I still have the worker spot
I applied to everything I was able to and guess what- nothing for the entire summer after graduation, she was making it seem like I wasnt looking for a job at all and again- wouldnt take an explanation that its not easy in a small city like this and that she was on her high horse since she was working at the same place for 35+ years only changing her workplace once in her entire career

You may need to move. I'm sure you're already aware and all. Just, imagine if you got stuck working with her, cuz it was the only job in town. Hell on earth.

 

[chillmungo]

@SplitInfrastructure for you own mental health and safety you have the right to free yourself from this woman and to not have any contact with her. I have a mother a little like yours - she called my dad the devil incarnate, and then also me and made hurtful comments about my friendships or lack of them together with abusive language. I kept in touch with her for years, but she was always very difficult and then when I got much worse with my mental health, it was unsafe for me to see her with her abuse.

I personally have no regrets about cutting off contact with her. For any of us contemplating suicide, the last thing we need is a mother trying to make us feel worse. Unfortunately, these mothers never change. It is some kind of personality disorder and it is abusive behaviour. You and your siblings have tried to let her know how much it hurts you, but she will never listen. She might 'have her own issues' but she is the parent, and you are not responsible for them.

I respect anyone who can succeed in cutting off all contact with a mother like this. It can be incredibly difficult to accomplish. People will commit suicide just to escape their mothers.