Venting Cutting myself at my favorite place from childhood.

[prone2fury]

Apologies for edgy title.

Got forced to go on a family trip to a hotel that has a waterpark and stuff. It was my favorite place in the world as a kid, but now I had to go there with four small children and four other adults. It was almost completely unenjoyable and it just made me wish I had killed myself before I became an adult. Ended up cutting myself on the leg with a razor blade I found stashed in my wallet.

My girlfriends are tired of me complaining about how much I want to die, I owe the hospital $900 for getting me on HRT, it's hot outside, and it's election year. Every day I hope something will kill me and make the pain stop because I'm too cowardly to do it myself. And now I've sliced my leg up at a place that used to make me so happy. It feels demonstrative of adult life as a whole.

Things have been this way since 2019 and it's not looking up. I hope I can find the courage to end it someday.

 

[unnecessary]

I was thinking about opening a topic like this, I'm glad you did it before, talking about these things is always difficult.Sometimes I think that SH is a way of trying to get around the CTB and at the same time trying to experience it. I hope you can find the best way out possible.SH is very addictive and so hard not to think about doing it

 

[AbsentMindedHuman]

My girlfriends are tired of me complaining about how much I want to die, I owe the hospital $900 for getting me on HRT, it's hot outside, and it's election year. Every day I hope something will kill me and make the pain stop because I'm too cowardly to do it myself.

Isnt It funny how people who are supposed to be closest to us will tell you effortlessly that "we are here if you need to talk about anything" or that they would hate to see something bad happen to you, but the second you change from being someone who is sad to expressing a desire to leave this cruel world openly acknowldge how much PAIN you are enduring... then its TOO MUCH FOR THEM, or you are exausting, or GOD FORBID they just call the police. Why can't people just fucking listen?

 

[prone2fury]

Isnt It funny how people who are supposed to be closest to us will tell you effortlessly that "we are here if you need to talk about anything" or that they would hate to see something bad happen to you, but the second you change from being someone who is sad to expressing a desire to leave this cruel world openly acknowldge how much PAIN you are enduring... then its TOO MUCH FOR THEM, or you are exausting, or GOD FORBID they just call the police. Why can't people just fucking listen?

My partners are very supportive, but I imagine anyone would get sick of me rambling about how much I want to die every day. I can't imagine it's healthy for a person to be around that kind of talk for long.